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To get a job or not to get a job

areyoukiddingme's picture

Submitted by areyoukiddingme on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:52am

So, lately, I have been working on disengaging from SD16. It hasn't been easy but it has gotten a little better to take that weight off of my shoulders. I have also noticed that it is so much easier for me to give more quality time to BD10 and BS7.

I have been a SAHM since December, 2008 when I took a voluntary lay off from my job to stay home. Since then, I have taken over the house with housework, dinners, transportation, etc. I am very fortunate in what I have but I am not the "stay at home/homemaker" type of person. I have been thinking of going back to work part-time since the beginning of the year and even more now that SD16 has her own transportation.

Each time I discuss this with DH, he says that he's concerned that I won't have time to help with homework, clean the house, make dinner, etc. if I am working. WHOA! When I worked full time in the past, cleaning the house and all of that was a joint responsibility. When I bring up this fact, he says that he is concerned about how it is going to affect the family. I love my family and I have and always will do whatever I need to for them. And yes, when I was working full-time, things were a bit stressful but I just want to go back a few days a week. To me, I see it as him being afraid of losing his maid, cook and babysitter. When I bring up this suspicion....silence. He has nothing to say. Is it wrong of me to want to work? Is is wrong of me to want to contribute more to the family financially so that we can do more for our family?

I have applied for a couple of positions, so we will see how they turn out.

Comments

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 9:18am

No he's concerned about how it will affect him. Its a control thing. He's silent because you called him out.
Find your job. Good luck!

neversecondplace's picture

Submitted by neversecondplace on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 9:49am

Hi! No No NO! It is not wrong for you to want to work. And I bet you are right in that he wont have you there doing everything around the house and he doesnt like that. To Bad!! He will just have to help out a little... Wink

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:15am

I have NEVER understood why women, with school age children, do not work. IMHO…You certainly need a job. And not a part time job.

What happens if you and DH split up? We see it here ALLLLL the time. Woman wants to leave, but can’t because she has no job, no job skills, no money, no education, so she is stuck. Or worse…the DH up and leaves and the woman must go on welfare to support her and her children.

Your DH sounds like he does not want to take responsibility of taking care of house or kids. But I bet he would be the first one to not want to pay you SS if you all split! Good luck and take care of yourself and your future. YOUR future.

areyoukiddingme's picture

Submitted by areyoukiddingme on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:10am

One reason I want to go back to work is because my youngest started school all day last year. I also feel as if it is silly for me to stay at home all day. Not that the quiet time isn't welcome every once in a while.

I am very fortunate to have family and friends as well as employment to go to while I get back on my feet if we did separate. But I do know exactly what you are saying.

I have already put my foot down and applied for a couple of positions. He has to understand that its not just his happiness that matters. Mine does too. If momma ain't happy, then nobody is happy.

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 2:21pm

Agree!!
I was SAHM for a dozen years. Boom, divorce, kids on my own, no CS/alimony.
It was time to get crackin'!

I don't regret staying home with them while they were small. I'll never get those years back. But I am super glad to be working now. It feels good providing (and pretty well) for my kids.

Rocky 06's picture

Submitted by Rocky 06 on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 6:11am

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herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 2:12pm

Get a job. I wish I could. Actually, I am trying to. I only ended up with no job because when I moved to the states I had no options for daycare in the summer for my son, or after school unless I hired a private nanny...it would have taken so much out of my check, plus I would be in a higher income bracket that it wasn't worth it...Also, he had to go to therapies 3 times a week and I didn't trust someone could do that consistently unless I paid LOTS of money.

Now I am working online, little by little making money. It's taken almost a year, but everyday I do a bit better. I am still trying to find a job working from home, but would find one outside the home if I had a car.

Good luck!