BM Disregarding FSD's Best Interests
Have any of you ever dealt with a BM that was so immature, selfish and caught up in her own drama that she was overlooking the best interests of her children?
FSD9 recently stayed a weekend with FDH and me. Over the course of the weekend she made several comments ...
1. Ugh, I have to suck in my stomach all the time.
2. Ew, I'm so fat.
3. I have been trying to eat less chicken nuggets so I can lose weight.
FSD is the perfect weight for her height and age. I responded to the comments by telling her that her body was perfect as is and I tried to get her to explain her negative body image. After the weekend ended I sent BM an email mentioning the comments that FSD had made and sending her a few articles about adolescent body image, creating a body positive home and mother/daughter body image issues. FDH looked over the email, added his two cents and we sent the email to BM.
BM responded by calling FDH and basically yelling at him. She accused me of challenging her authority as a parent, calling her a bad mother and all sorts of other crap. She basically concluded the phone call by saying she was not going to respond to the email and that I should watch myself, stay in my place etc.
I was surprised, FDH slightly less so (he has more experience with her crazy). I give up. This woman is so immature and petty that she is overlooking FSD's well being. I spend lots of time with FSD and take excellent care of her. It truely is a pity that BM can't grow up. God forbid that I am nice, that I like her daughter, that I look our for her.
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Comments
If SD is anything like my
If SD is anything like my overly vain SD, buy her a large mirror so she can look at herself for hours.
Sounds like FSD fished for compliments and you replied how she expected.
Now you know it's best to distance yourself from MamaBear=BM. She's made it clear she wants no instructions from you on how she should discuss and interact with her daughter's issues.
I feel for you, when there's a jealous angry BM, you'll never do anything right. So save yourself alot of drama and stress by keeping your conversations between you and FSD.
Well I make sure and not
Well I make sure and not speak to BM and even though my SD is usually a good kid there are some times when SD goes and tells BM everything we talk about and I end up getting a lashing from BM (for obviously no reason at all, BM just wants to bitch). It doesnt matter to me though. Im not in my marriage to become friends with BM and I dont have to be friends with BM to have a relationship with my SD. Your doing good and that was a good call on your part to show that you care for her wellbeing. If BM wants to be a bitch then just leave her out of your business. Screw that hooker
Also, remember, when you're
Also, remember, when you're in battle over a kid, I feel the kid is empowered and gets off that they're worth fighting about.
BM probably sits the girl down and wants to know every word said, every act done.....while she listens and questions, and takes every bit of information rolling it in her mind over and over trying to figure what she can do with it. Anything said so she can complain about you, have a reason to call the ex., a reason to bully or threaten you.
When you have a BM like this, they use the kid for information and the kid can use the BM for things she wants. Kids learn early that parents want them "on their side", so when fed useful or derrogative information, the kids then "score" things from the parent or are rewarded in another way. ALso, when kids are in trouble, they can bring up something the parent or stepparent said and how quickly their situation changes fro the focus off them and onto you. Kids learn very early how to manipulate parents with information.
If this is what's happening with BM, you're going to lose. Be careful the girl isn't setting you up to return home and turn you in. Your words and your acts can be used to fuel BM. ANd this girl is always going to need new material to feed her ever info hungry mother.
Just warning you, you've already got a taste of how BM doesn't give a flying fig what you think. That girl knows it, too.
There are so many people who
There are so many people who believe that that parenting by the "book" is crazy and those of us do it are just stuck up and think we are better than them..... When a situation comes up for us that is the first thing I do is run to the internet or find a book! That is how I found this website!
She just felt that you thought you knew her daughter better than she does and went into defense mode... Just keep talking to your SD and telling her that she is beautiful and make sure her father does to...someday she will thank you guys and tell you that you helped to shape who she is... : )