Adult StepKids are Planning a Birthday Party for their Dad (My DH). Oh Joy...
Well, it has been a long time since I have visited Steptalk. I guess I'm at a loss on this one as I doubt the sincerity of the birthday party the adult SK's are putting on for my DH. For starters, I found out about it by playing back the message on the answering machine my crazy SD left for him on there. It appears my DH did not know how to erase the message or maybe he wanted me to find out that way so he didn't have to tell me himself. Also, I am certain I am not invited, nor would want to attend anyhow because the SK's hate me and make no bones about it. Therefore, it is better that I do not attend as attending would be miserable for me while on the other hand the SK's would be having a wonderful time. They will have less fun if I am not there. I am sure my DH will want our children to attend with him even though I do not like the idea at all. The new thing for his SK's is for their BM to be present at events like this and I do not want my children around her (she is certifiable). My DH has not let me know of this party, by telling me himself, yet. I am wondering if he will at all. He has gotten to the point where he sneaks around behind my back to spend time with the SK's. Also, he seems to want me at work this week, which is really weird and was none too pleased that I wouldn't leave the house yesterday as I had originally planned.
Comments
I don't blame you for not
I don't blame you for not going but having your kids there while you are not invited is ridiculous. You have as much right to be there as the first mother of DH's kids!
I can't stand being around
I can't stand being around them anymore. I ended up with the youngest when she was 9 (she's still the best of all of them) then the other two girls were a little older than her, and the oldest was my SS who was right around 16 back then. They liked me better when they were little kids than they do now. It is weird, my parent's divorced and I saw they were no good for one another and have accepted their SO's, but these SK's still would rather have their BM with their Dad. Maybe that is just a ploy, they hate her, too. They just want their Dad all to themselves. They are selfish little shits. I just have gotten sick and tired of their poor behavior through the years and I don't want to put myself through it anymore.
Sometimes I am OK with the
Sometimes I am OK with the "don't ask don't tell" routine, but on something kind of big (like when my step grand daughter was born)I'm thinking I should find out from my husband rather than by other means (when the step grand daughter was recently born I found out by someone asking me what the SD named the baby. The baby's birth was news to me! I read in the paper what the baby's name was.)
I think it's completely
I think it's completely unacceptable that he hasn't told you!! Lies by omission-- are LIES!
Maybe you should plan something for you and the bios that day.. And be gone before he even notices.
And seriously, BM is prob gonna be there??? Oh If my DH even thought about being at a party (his or not) knowing she was gonna be there I would be divorced!! Not ok!!! And if it's the steps that have invited her, how Freakin RUDE!!!! for one, why the hell would he want to be around her? And 2nd how disrespectful of them to their dads relationship!!! Ughh I'm so frustrated for you!!!
If he goes to socialize with
If he goes to socialize with his EX, I would be highly p.o.'d.'-!!!!!
Maux-I never thought being a
Maux-I never thought being a SM would be this big of a pain in a**, but it is. I don't think it is this way with every family.
When my DH and I started dating the SK's were still living with their BM. She kicked every one of those kids out of her house one by one except for the middle child who left on her own. The SK's moved in with their Dad. I had my own house. Things were better when I had my house separate from the SK's. Eventually, my DH dealt with his property issues with his EX and I actually ended up purchasing my DH's land. My DH and I built a new house on that property and all of us (SK's, DH, and our children together) all moved into the new house. That is when all hell broke loose. I guess the SK's thought that I was infringing upon the time with their Dad and stealing his property. That was a laugh. I ended up with a huge house payment and had to sell my other house just to get out from under some of the debt load. It is still a struggle, yet I still hear how I am after his money. What money? There wasn't any money. I married the man out of love. What I gained was love, his monetary issues, some of his EX's monetary issues, SK's who hate me, a bunch of stress related weight gain...etc. When the SK's were teenagers we would go on trips where I just wanted to get away from them. Every trip was miserable, every event was miserable, they generally make life hell for me. Last summer my work sponsored an event (a fair/auction/BBQ/kids games)and the adult SK's brought there BM to it. I had a booth there, the BM stopped by it. I had to stand up on stage during the auction and help with the auction, the BM watched me the entire time I was up there. Uncomfortable! Anyhow, those SK's are not people I would be friends with if I wasn't forced to be around them. Some people around town have complimented me on how much I helped the SK's and turned their lives around, but personally, I don't see any great change. I just see how they made my life hell and continue to do everything within their power to make me miserable. I don't think I am being paranoid, either.
My SK's have never ceased to amaze me. They do try to turn my own children on me. It hasn't worked yet, but it does create some bad situations. My DH just thinks the SK's are joking around and that I should laugh it off. I remind DH about how he might feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Also, I have been right about their manipulations 9 time out of 10. DH is aware of this and agrees with me.
I tried to make it so that nothing was separate. It didn't work. In fact, I think the SK's want things to be separate, that way they can have their own special time with their Dad. After all, even as adults the two older SD's describe themselves as "Daddy's little girls". Puke.
Also, I think it is easy for them to blame me for everything that has ever went wrong. When the middle SD ended up in jail and we all ended up going to family counseling with her the Psychiatrist told my DH and I that there was no helping the SD and that with all of the SK's they would project their hatred of their own BM onto me. The Psychiatrist seems to be correct.
On top of that, the SK's will always try to make their Dad pay for not being with their BM. Blame, blame, blame. It is obvious and the BM uses that to her advantage.
I don't think my DH was
I don't think my DH was planning on telling me until the morning of the party or just shortly prior to the party. That's a good one.
I finally got up the nerve yesterday to ask him about the birthday party the SK's are planning for him. He said the SK's had asked him if I was planning anything and he told them that I wasn't. Interesting, he never asked me if I was planning anything for him. Good job. Anyhow, he was all smiles like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar or like he was pulling a fast one. Pissed me off, too, but I hid my feelings. So, I asked DH what the SK's were up to with this party and DH told me he didn't know, but that I was invited. I asked him if they had invited me or if that was his assumption. DH said again that I was invited. SK's have not asked me personally, so I wonder about that invitation. I told DH that I probably would not be going, but that I would let him know shortly before the party since he wasn't planning on telling me about the party until just prior to the party anyhow. He didn't really seem to care.
I do not know if his EX will be there or not. I do know that the SK's never do anything without something up their sleeve. I have not noticed that they do anything out of the goodness of their hearts. Besides, the only one who has anything to do with me is the youngest SD. The other two older SD's and the older SS haven't talked to me in almost a year.
I have had birthday parties for my DH in the past. This year I was planning a relaxing day with the kids we have together, making my DH a nice dinner, a birthday cake and ice cream. I am burned out on the big parties. With four SK's I put on birthday parties, graduation parties, baby showers, holiday dinners, etc. I did everything for the those parties-start to finish. Now those SK's are adults. I just want to relax these days. I need to be doing fun stuff for our kids together who are younger.
I didn't go to the party.
I didn't go to the party. Seems to me that everyone was happier that way, too. Me included! I never did get invited by anyone other than my husband, even though he said the SK's invited me.