Summer Visitation- what would you do?
Hi All
I know many of you may think I am crazy for saying this but here goes:
CO states BM has skids every other wkend, even over the summer.
last year for the 1st time she asked for more time so we agreed.
it ended up being about 1/2 weeks, but it left no free time for the skids here at home w/ friends,etc because BM did not want to drive them to their things here they had to cram it all into the time they were here and have less friend time.
CO states summer schedule decided by may 15th, but BM does not think she has to follow it... thought we were set for the summer and she emailed this week and said she wanted to do the same as last summer, we said no the kids did not want that, and she got all mad and said i thought we weren't letting them decide....and of course only when its my house (i am the victim,etc)
she is not willing to drive them tho, so what would you all do?
she lives about an hour away so i sorta get it, but not really. ppl commute that far to work everyday so why not for the kids?
plus we live in a nice neighborhood and she lives in a city in not a great neighborhood, so we really dont want the kids hangin out there for the summer when they could be here hangin out w/ friends, families we know ect.
BM always accusing us from keeping the kids from her, but she wont do the drive....want to be fair.
thanks for any and all advise:)
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Comments
Our bm lives an hour away. We
Our bm lives an hour away. We meet at a halfway point at a parking lot. Tell her to meet you halfway
We get my SS for 6 weeks in
We get my SS for 6 weeks in the summer. Are you saying that you gave BM an extra week or 2 and it messed up all of the kids summer plans?? Was it a solid block? Do you guys share travel time?
I'm not understanding your
I'm not understanding your post. You're suggesting that while she has the kids, she should be bringing them back to their neighborhood to hang out? This isn't a siding with BM thing, because it could go either way. Why would she do that? The whole reason she is asking is to spend more time with her kids, so you think she should be driving back and forth an hour a day so they can .... what exactly???
Thank you, I'm not the only
Thank you, I'm not the only one confused...
Sorry for the confusion. long
Sorry for the confusion. long week and can't seem to wake up today. The skids have camps, horse back riding, guitar lessons,golf...etc.
Last year to give her more time we put all of those things in our 1/2 of the week, leaving no friend time here and they did not like it, plus as a parent isn't it your job to also be involved in the kids activities which she is not nor has ever been. She views her visitation as HER time not the KIDS time and her time to be the parent. We have told her if she wants more time than she needs to bring the kids where they need to go when they need to go there....as their parent it is her responsibility too. Hope that makes more sense.
Sorry, still not feelin' it.
Sorry, still not feelin' it. The kids get to go to all these fun activities, then COMPLAIN because they have no time to spend with their friends?? If the parent's have decided that they want the kids to have structured activities to keep them occupied and out of trouble, instead of just hanging with the friends, then too bad, so sad for the kids. And if their mom didn't have any say in whether or not they would be in these activities or what days, then I can see that she wouldn't want to transport them.
if she didn't agree to those
if she didn't agree to those activities on her time, then i'm not sure you can make these decisions.
It is her time. If the papers say they are supposed to be with her, she gets to decide what to do.
Am I missing something here?
I certainly think its unfair when BM schedules things on SO's time.
CO states she has them every
CO states she has them every other weekend....so we are saying you want them extra you bring them to their activities, etc that's all...
I would say if there's no set
I would say if there's no set schedule for her "extra time" and you have something scheduled for the skids, then she shouldn't get them unless she is willing to drive them to their activities.
Now, I also believe that signing up children for too many activities robs them of their free time as well, but that's just my opinion.
I agree free time is a must:)
I agree free time is a must:) SD rides horses and goes to a working barn which means the more she works the more she rides...she usually does 3 days a week(shoving that commitment into our 1/2 of the week last summer meant very little free time for her here)...this is her passion, her desire. She will also do 1 week of camp. SS loves golf so he does a golf league once a week and will do one week of camp...
They do the extras during
They do the extras during your time, but the conflict is during the mom/friend time?? So the kids get to decide if they spend more time with their friends or their mom? How old are the kids? Can they cut back on some of the activities they are signed up for?
No the conflict is moms time
No the conflict is moms time is every other weekend and she says he wants more time over the summer and we are saying that is fine if she brings them to their activities etc...she is saying that is not fair and we are keeping them away from her...the schedule was supposed to bet set by 5/15 and she is just emailing about it now...they ave been signed up for camps etc based on the fact that we thought she was not having them extra this year
They are 11 and 13.
They are 11 and 13.
http://www.momtalk.com/2007/1
http://www.momtalk.com/2007/10/parenting_time_is_not_your_tim.php
I would trash the article and
I would trash the article and allow mom to spend more time with her kids.
I would have to agree. Part
I would have to agree. Part of the problem with our society, and why so many kids, bio and step are entitled, is because of this thinking.
I agree 100% !!! while 90%
I agree 100% !!!
while 90% of the time I can not stand my exhusband, or his girlfriend.. I DO NOT ever keep my children from having as much time with them as possible... as long as I KNOW they are supervised by an adult, and I Know specifics on WHO that adult is (long story)..
The planning of "activities" on mom's time, is not really acceptable, unless the MOM agree's to do the traveling. This is HER time with HER kids.... Activities should be communicated well in advance...
IF summer was to be agreed upon by May 15th, then you should have sent certified mail, or email explaining any activities for summer, WELL before you wait for her to come to you.
You are putting activities BEFORE time with their mother... totally screwy priorities, and it seems like you are on a power trip.. :sick:
Did you not see the part
Did you not see the part where I said the CO states she has them every other weekend EVEN over the summer. We are talking about extra time here, not HER time.
According to the CO she should have communicated to us by May 15th that SHE wanted extra time, if we were on a power trip we would have said no and I would have never given it another thought.....
I don't wholeheartedly agree
I don't wholeheartedly agree with the article either, but it does have a point about the parents being involved.
We never said she couldn't spend more time with them....
So hypothetically speaking if one of your bio kids loved baseball and you were divorced they would not be able to pursue baseball because of the parenting plan??? Or the fact that one of you wanted more time with them?
Because thats what you are telling me my skids should be doing???
The skids both said that they
The skids both said that they wanted to stay here over the summer....but we are adults able to make decisions that the kids don't always like but is what is best for the kids....
On another note tho, what about us the custodial parents don't we also have a right to down time with the kids, so to be fair shouldn't all parents have to make sacrifices?
Stick to the CO. If the judge
Stick to the CO. If the judge thought she were the type of parent where the kids would benefit from extra time with her over the summer, it would have been written into the order.
I don't understand why it
I don't understand why it can't work. Summer is about 8 weeks long. 2 weeks the kids have camps. That means mom gets 6 weeks of extra time and the kids can still attend their camps. Next year if you don't hear from mom by May 5, contact her and remind her of the May 15 deadline.
Obviously as RaeRae brought
Obviously as RaeRae brought up there is more to this than meets the eye. Thanks everyone for the input.
Allgirls if my mind were made
Allgirls if my mind were made up I would have never put it out here to be discussed....I am sorry that you see it that way.
Here's some reason why I might have hesitation... BM allows SD13 to dress provocative and encourages it, SD even told me last week that it's their thing to get dressed like that and walk around and have men check them out. So yes there is a lot more to this than simply letting them have more time with their mom...at least if she were bringing them back and forth from their activities we would know SD13 wasn't hanging out with some older boy unsupervised (yes this is encouraged too)
That being said fundamentally I think its a parents job to be involved, whether or not they live an hour away or more. There are plenty of ppl who commute that much back and forth to work everyday. Heck I even know kids who are travel sports team whose parents travel with their kids multiple times a week for games/ practices, etc. and many places are over an hour away.
BM does not wk she has the ability to be more involved during the school yr....yet she chooses not to. When the kids get invited to a party instead of saying when is it, will it work with our plans, she just says stay home for the weekend then.
It really does sound like you
It really does sound like you made your decision before you posted. How do you know your SD is being 100% honest about the clothes? The part about the type of clothes she's allowed to wear is believable. The part about going out together to get checked out by men isn't.
I wish you were wrong,
I wish you were wrong, Disneyfan. My own mother hooked her 15 year old daughter up with some guy on the street, at a stop light. She called him over, and gave him my sister's number. 15yo sister got pregnant, had baby at 16... fast forward 22 years later, and my oldest sister is now partying with her 22 year old daughter and hooking her up with men-and has been since the girl hit puberty. Thank God the girl can't carry a baby, or she'd have many drug-affected babies by now.
2+2, our BM is getting no
2+2, our BM is getting no more than what the court ordered for her to get. She gets EOWE as usual, plus two non-consecutive weeks. We had to remind her after the deadline about her weeks. She has asked for more time, to which we reply that when she decides to follow the court order, we can then discuss her request for extra time.