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Holy crap, I am NOT alone!

jlo121's picture

Submitted by jlo121 on Sun, 06/05/2011 - 8:40pm

I've barely been a member of this site for 24 hours and I already have received so much support and advice. I believed that I was the only one that had these experiences being part of a blended family. I now realize that I am NOT alone! When I met my husband he was about to turn 40, and I was 24. I knew I wanted kids...someday, but he was divorced with 2 children. I never even grew up around kids so I had no clue what to expect or how to act towards them. I quickly fell in love with my future husband, got pregnant, and married quickly and seemingly woke up one day as a 28 year old mother to a 3 year old and step mother to a 12yr old girl and 16 year old boy, Married to a 44 year old man. It is incredibly difficult and complicated coming into a ready made family at such a young age, and having to live in the shadow and memory of a jealous, manipulative ex wife.

I love my husband, but there is no doubt that the facts stated previously put a huge strain on our marriage. I love my life, but its FAR from perfect. I am so fortunate to have found a place to vent and find direction and guidance when I need it the most. It's nice to know that there are people out there that can relate to me! Thank god for this site! I no longer feel alone and lost.

Comments

steppingitup's picture

Submitted by steppingitup on Sun, 06/05/2011 - 10:37pm

Hey, I'm glad you found your way here!
I am also a younger stepmom, I just turned 30 and my guy is 42 with step kiddos SS14, SD 10, and SD 8. I don't live in the BM's shadow but I will admit her stench lingers on.... Wink

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

Submitted by ErinOnTheEdge on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 12:02am

Welcome! I'm 32, DH is almost 48, so it looks like we are the same age difference as you and yours. It's nice to see another young stepmom/older DH couple. Smile

Don't feel like you're in her shadow. You WON, after all... last woman standing.

jlo121's picture

Submitted by jlo121 on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 8:05am

Yes, u suppose I am the last woman standing! LOL. It's hard being that much younger. Even the moms at my SD soccer games kind of snub me because they're all older than me! Guess its a jealousy thing. Hope it will get better in time!

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 3:53pm

WELCOME! I'm 50 and biodad is 43. My now grown two biochildren were all parented traditionally and successfully by me as a true single parent.

My biggest mistake was presuming that all parents parented traditionally the way I did and didn't try to alienate father. They don't.

Biodad has three young children who are utterly FERAL and the biggest manipulators on the face of this earth due to total NON-parenting on both biodad and the BM's part! The BM is an absolute nightmare as she is a CPS worker but refuses to parent her own children unless it's to put on a "mother of the decade" act in front of those she knows.

Biodad also has "ye olde double standard" in that my grown children who don't cause any trouble are held to "curing cancer" standards whereas his children who maintain a 61 average in grade school can do whatever the hell they please; no consequences.

It's not easy and I'm just counting my days until the dump I bought for the sake of "moving closer to the skids" is fixed and I can sell and leave it all behind.

Sorry I'm not an optimist as I've seen far too many manipulative BMs and skids drive a wedge in successfully between SM and biodad.

And whether or not biodad lets them is the ONLY key to whether or not you'll have a successful marriage with biodad. Only he and he alone can make or break your marriage depending on how he reacts to the BM and skids plotting and alienation tactics.