i just dont get it
:? so i love my SS i really do, he is only 3 yrs old and all kids go through the stage of testing your patience and being honory. I understand that part of it, its not any easier on a child who has 2 completely different sets of rules one where he gets to do what he wants and when he wants and here he has to ask nicely, use manners, and not watch tv all day. SO i do my best to be understanding and keep my cool not loose my patience because he acts like he doesnt hear you and pretends he doesnt know how to anything by himself. His BM does everything and i do mean everything for him.
No it is not his fault that he is coddled and babied but i have such a hard time sometimes. I try to keep my cool, when he irritates me or throws fit. But its hard on me too, and i still get all these negative feelings when i know he is coming to our house. I dont know why bacuse in the back of my head i know none of it is his fault. And ijust cant do anything to keep myself from not really wanting him here. Its driving me crazy to have these mixed feelings loving it when he is here and not liking it so much sometimes. i cant help but just feel an overwhelming amount of stress when i know he will be here. I feel like a horrible person but i cant help what i feel. I dont know if its resentment because my H;s family treats this little boy like gold and literally barley akknowledge my son. or if its that thextra $ that we do have has to go to his greedy mother. i do nt know because i know in my heart that its not his fault, but maybe its all in my head and i am just having a rough time. i dont know but its horrible and i do care for my SS a lot, does anyone else go through these negative resentful feelings towards their Stepchildren?? And am i awful for having these thoughts??
the back and forth thoughts and feelings are killing me
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I understand ...I wish you
I understand ...I wish you could read my older posts....you sound like me when I found this site.....I know its not thier fault too, and about the extra money i really understand ...she gets her money every week on time through cs...mean while if my baby needs a bigger car seat or stroller we have to wait or put in lay away or not buy clothes for our 1 month old we have to use clothes from our first son 1 year old...which is not bad, but as a new mom you want to buy things for your kids....mabey we feel this way because of the stress blended familys put on our relationship and the kid is a constant EOW reminder of that stress ....and by them being disrespectful on top of that makes it even worse .....
seems like you really do see
seems like you really do see eye to eye on this matter. My Son always has to wait to get something or to do something. we can never do anything very fun with him bacause we cant afford to do it at the time. And it kills me bacause my baby is no less important and it scares me that one day he might think that. and of course i love my SS but but my baby is my baby and sad as it is i dont think i will ever be able to love someone elses kid like i love my own. But i will never treat them different cuz i care about my SS but the feelings are hard to deal with
It's as if I posted your
It's as if I posted your post!!!
In my household I have three skids and it's exactly the same way, in our house you have to help out(chores) and be responsible for your actions, over at BM's you don't have to lift a finger. My husband and I know when we get the skids it takes a couple of hours to remember where they are at and then they remember their manners and to ask for things and to not sit on the TV/ video games or computer all day.One of my husbands kids has a mental issue where he see's a therapist, we when and met with him a couple of weeks ago to bring up some concerns we had. The DR. asked what our household is like and I explained with my husband that we have a routine and structered household. If he does wrong he will be punished in some way. The Dr. said he knew it was differnet at his BM's house and that we should not change our parenting lifestyle because we were teaching the skids to become young adults and be able to take care of themselves.( she was teaching them to be lazy kids who can't do anything on their own) He also said kids can handle two differnt set's of rules it's not stressful for them to go to different homes with different rules they must follow. As far as the extra money...I keep telling myself that their BM is a lazy person who can't get a job so I this is helping them live over there.
my gripe is the fact that his past mistake has to become my mistake!
My husband says my attitude changes the night before the skids come...I get crabby!!! (He uses another word)
I guess I am lucky because I have my own kids with my husband so I focus any "extra" time on them. I make sure that when we don't have the skids that we do fun stuff with our kids so they don't feel left behind.
I can't tell you how to get rid of the feelings because I too am strugeling over it. I look forward to the pickup time all the time!!!!
wow sounds like you have your
wow sounds like you have your work cut out for you with 3 skids. its hard enough with just one. it sounds like we are in very similar situations other than that though. its not easy being a SMom, i am with you on the picking up time and i hate to say that because i do care about my SS and i like seeing him but its hard and right now im still adjusting to having him at random times its so hard.
I know EXACTLY where you're
I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. It's almost impossible not to eventually have some negative feelings when the skids are raised by BM completely different than the way you'd raise them. Then it makes you the evil bad guy because you actually have *gasp* rules and consequences at your house.
My SS is almost 4 now and if you looked back through my blogs (which I of course don't expect you to do) you'd see that I've gone through this same stuff the past year and a half. He isn't required to put on his own coat or shoes at his mom's house or things like that so at our house he gets SOOOO frustrated right away. He would cry ALL THE TIME because of the dumbest thing (like his underwear being inside-out)....because those are things that BM just does for him. He'd sit there floppy and let her put on his shoes for him and his coat, hat, etc. It was so annoying. It has taken us a LONG time and LOTS of consistency to get him where he is now. He's still at the point where if he's with BM for a few days it's sorta like starting over, but it's gotten a lot better in the last couple of months. We PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE him when he does things on his own.
Just hang in there, stay consistent. As for the feelings of resentment, I don't know how to help you. It's and up and down thing for me. One day I'm okay with everything and the next I feel negative feelings towards having the skids come over, and I know most of the feelings are because of my negative feelings towards BM, not necessarily the skids. It's just HARD being a step mom with the skids half the time, period.
wow i read a couple of your
wow i read a couple of your blogs and your situation is almost identical to mine. Except i just have one Skid. I know how you feel on never knowing if the BM should ever have any consequences because they are too lazy and immature to act like a parent for a few days. Court costs are getting ridiculous and she refuses to give us copies of his SS, Birth certificate even though its court ordered so we are going to have takke her back to court and fight her again. there is no justice for horrible moms who are using their children as leverage to hurt or aggrivate their ex;s (the husbands) because they are jealous that they are no longer the center of the univerese and the man has moved on. Its frustrating and yes i have struggled to keep my mouth shut and not let my anger get the best of me and just punch her straight in the face. good luck to you and thank you for the advice.