short fuse when it comes to SS (3)
Ugh so i am still a little peeved. As i have said in my previous blogs i care about my SS(3) i really do. I am going through the adjustment stage of being a stepmom just like he is adjusting to going back and forth between our house and him BM house. He is driving me crazy and i find myself getting so annoyed and angry when he does something wrong. He likes to play dumb while he is here, if we ask him to do something he acts like he doesnt know what you are talking about so that you will just do it for him. He has been mean to my song/his brother all morning and my baby is only 7 months old. SS is taking toys away, ignoring me when i ask him to stop doing something, throwing toys around. He is just being a little brat. i had a bad day and was kinda crabby yesterday and i apologized to my SS and we wiped the slate clean. We had an ok breakfast he ate like he was suppose to and everything was ok and when it was time to put his bowl and spoon in the sink he started to stop paying attention and he dumped his milk on the floor. Accidents happen he's 3 i know that it is going to happen more than once so i kindly told him to start paying attention so he wouldnt drop it anymore. Well after that he just started to just be a brat. I took a shower and my husband watched the kids and when i got out he was being horrible taking toys away from my son, throwing them at him, so i sent him to his room. he got to come back out and be with everyone else but he sat there and pouted the entire time. so i asked him if he wanted to play in his room he said yes so i let him go, i allowed him watch a movie and told him that when the movie was over it was time for his nap and he said ok. well when the movie ended i told him to take his shoes off and he started pretending not to know how to and not knowing where to put them and i snapped because he does this everyday he knows where his shoes go and i yelled at him and told him to put them up cuz i am sick of the attitude he has today. he starts crying and asking for toys and he just wouldnt stop giving dirty looks and i put him in the corner then let him lay back down and he just kept this scowl on his face. it makes my temperature rise like no other. I dont know why because all kids have these moments. But with a SS my temper is very very short. I wish it would stop but i cant help it i just cant stand him sometimes and its horrible but the attitude makes me crazy. Anyone have tips on how to control it?? Advice would be greatly appreciated
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As a SM, I want to say that I
As a SM, I want to say that I TOTALLY understand the feelings and I totally have little patience for my skids. But, as a mental health professional, I have to say something. Calling a child a name, like “mean__”, is really shaming. Especially if this child believes she has a “good self” and “bad self”, that is terribly confusing for a child this young and can lead to some problems as they get older. In other words, you might be setting yourself up to have to deal with some even bigger behavioral issues in the future.
I am all about addressing this kind of behavior - it's unacceptable. And, I really don't want to sound preachy, I'm far from a perfect parent or stepparent. But, I am a social worker who teaches parenting and I know that, especially with a child this young, we have to be careful we let the child know it's the BEHAVIOR that's bad and unacceptable, not them.
I hope that doesn't come off the wrong way, I just really want to help...
Three is a really hard age,
Three is a really hard age, even when they are yours & you wanted them more than anything in the world.
My son is a very sweet, smart boy for the most part, but man when he is naughty he is stubborn. I do a lot of threatening, time outs & taking things away.
I COMPLETELY understand the
I COMPLETELY understand the frustration! My SS3 plays dumb alllllllll the time. In the past month he's seemed to finally be acting better. When we'd ask him to put his bowl away he'd give us this blank stare and say, "But where do I put it?". I asked my sister (who teaches 4K) how to respond to his "playing dumb" and she said to do the ignore thing and then praise praise praise when he does something without playing dumb/seeking direction (when we know it's something he knows how to do or where it goes). Okay so I tried that for awhile but it really wasn't working. Finally FDH and I would just get stern with him and say, "Stop acting like you don't know how to ____. You did it yesterday all by yourself. We know that you are talented/smart/good at it." So we combined a stern call to stop the action, then gave him specific examples of when he's done the thing by himself, then gave him a little nudge that he IS smart (so STOP ACTING STUPID, STUPID! -- no just kidding we wouldn't say that!). A few weeks ago he told Daddy he wanted a drink (this was after he was already in bed). So he came upstairs and into the kitchen, where I was, and he stood there and said "I want a drink" so I told him that he knows where the cups are and to get it. He stood there with half a smile on his face and said, "Where? Where? Where?" Finally I said, "If you can't figure out how to get your cup for water, then you don't need it that bad." and he turned around and went back to bed. He wasn't even truly thirsty just using it as an excuse to get out of bed and get attention.
It also helps to remove ourselves from the room if he's being like that....since it's mostly attention-seeking he will just do it instead of going into the other room to ask us a "dumb" question.
All I have to say is that the past 8 months or so I've also been very short with SS. I think it's the age and the attention-seeking behaviors more than the kid himself! Like I said, he seems to be getting better so I think it was a rough phase. So just grit your teeth through this stage and wait it out a few months longer. It won't last forever....I hope!!