I don't anymore, simply because there have been too many occasions where special plans and adjustments have been made for SK's to attend, and then they decide not to come because they have a splinter or some other stupid reason.

Also, having SK's attend any event of my kids resulted in them complaining to their mother about the gifts my kids got, how much the party might have cost and so on,why did DD get to take dance when she didn't (ummm, we don't have custody and you live 4 hours away????) which led to having to deal with that crackhead bitch mother of hers and her complaining. So I quit.

Now, if SD ever decides to act like a human being instead of a feral cat, she would be welcome to join, but I don't see that happening.

I have choosing not to include SC in any of my bio-children's b-day parties or do holidays together. Only because of drama/jealously that SC have toward my bio-children which aren't even from my DH. But SC have it fixed in their heads "his does more for her kids than us" If you have a healthy relationship with your SD then you are blessed. But just curious why you tried to include your SD until recently? Did something happen?

I would never, ever, EVER think of skids if I plan something for DD. I would not keep DH from inviting them, but the skids are not so special that DD and I need them there to enjoy ourselves.

I do. Our son will turn 4 this year & he would be devestated to not have his brothers be there. They are very close despite a big age difference. Last year he had a kid party with his day care friends on a week day afternoon & then I had both our families for a party on the weekend. Luckily his birthday falls around the weekend his brothers are with us.

Wow, this is so strange you blogged this today. I just got in a huge fight with my DH because of this very thing. I am having a birthday party for my daughter who is turning 7. The skids are 12 Girl and 9 boy. They constantly correct everyone, including me but the girl does it consistently to my daughter and I don't want her doing that in front of her friends due to the fact that when kids see one kid doing it they feel it's ok to do it too and I want her day to be enjoyable. It's nothing terrible but it's the constant, "sofia don't do that, Stop chewing with your mouth open,you don't pronounce words the right way, don't talk so loud, don't tell my brother that" etc... It is like she thinks she is the parent. My daughter idolizes her and it drives me crazy that she won't stand up for herself but I don't know what else I can do then point out to my daughter that she shouldn't let other people talk to her that way. Anyway I asked DH to take the kids out for the two hours we are having the party or talk to his kids and ask them to leave her alone and be nice during the party. He doesn't want to do either and I have had it. This blending family thing is never going to work when the most simple request is turned into "you don't like my kids" bullshit. Anyway didn't mean to hog your blog.

there was a time when i included skids in my family events ~ but since the lies and the stealing and the back talk and the down right disrespect.

i go above and beyond measures to prevent them from participating in anything that involves my family. for example, every year we "usually" have skids on the w/e of my family reunion, i ask mil to babysit. she always does, but i'm sure it drives her crazy! on vacations, i always schedule them on the days we have ags most and then i get mil to babysit. WIN WIN there, vacay w/out the little fuckers and extra days w/out seeing their faces or hearing the god awful voices. christmas time is always a blast, ffc insists on having ags christmas morning, mil's gig is on the eve, i arrange we do my family stuff on eve so we avoid skids all together, go see mil on christmas day, then get ags that night.. we still get stuck with them, but i don't have to endure mil shoving them up our ass and showing us the sun really does rise & set on skids asses.

Do you include your stepchildren in your special occasions? NO Do you consider them apart of your family? ABSOLUTELY a part? ABSOLUTELY NOT

If not, why? see above

I did try. DH and I got married when SD was 8. We had our first bio when SD was 10 and our second bio when SD was 13. All total, our two bios have had 11 birthdays and SD has only come to two (both for the younger bio). After years of planning the older bio's party specifically on weekends we had SD and having her NOT come (make other plans), I gave up on that. Then I took to mailing an invitiation to her BM's house to maybe guilt somebody in to allowing her to go. Didn't work. So I gave up and gave it absolutely no more consideration when planning my biokids' parties, events, etc. Many times when SD was here and biokids had an activity/event, SD refused to attend and DH claimed he couldn't make her. But what he was actually doing was let her run off and do other things with her friends.

T-ball game, SD was at our house, DH shows up without her, claims she didn't want to come outside where it's hot. I find out later she was hanging out with a friend. SD did come to one dance event for older BD and pitched a HUGE fit about seating arrangements and spent the whole event in the bathroom crying. DH went out to "comfort" her, then came back mad and sat at the event in a funk. I don't think he even saw our older bio's performance, he was so fixated on SD's behavior. It was ridiculous.

I no longer give ANY consideration to SD when planning my kids' events.

I am hoping that due to my skids and BS age that I won't have to worry about this... because let me tell you... no way in hell will BS1 ever go to a skid party that is on BM turf. I won't have my son in the presence of that complete chaos, foul language etc. Trust me I went to a couple of skid parties back in the day and won't ever do that dog and pony show again!

Since my BS is only 16 months old now, and skids are 12 and 13 I'm hoping that they won't really care about coming to BS birthday parties, since they will be geared towards little kids for the next couple of years. They didn't come to his first birthday and I was actually glad. They would have been bored and it would have just been a fake show. Rather not have them there.

always f'n excuses for skids shitty behavior!!

My Bios are grown, except for my BS13.
SS18 and BS13 are inseparable even with a 5 year gap between them. So they do everything together. SD10 lives with BM and we get her EOW. If she happens to be with us on the day of my BS b-day, she's included. If not, she's not. But my Bio is not my DH's son, so there are no blood ties there at all. I would NEVER let my BS go to an event on BM turf.

see my blog posted today entitled "Embarrassed Beyond Recognition" and you'll know my answers from this day forwarda

I don't go out of my way to exclude them but I plan things for when I want to plan them with zero concern as to who will be here. My bios are here full time. My skids are here 85% of the time. Even Sd4 who is supposed to be 50/50 is here much more. I plan stuff for when it's good for me and the kds that are here full time. If someone is scheduled to be gone, they can choose to ask their other parent for an adjustment in scheduling if they want. If not, I don't really care.

This just in: NJs life doesn't revolve around the skids! Pass it on!

Yes. We do everything as a family. DH and I have been together since our kids were 1 and 2 years old, and they are very very close. We have all of the kids on the sames days anyways, so there would be no question if bios or step would be invited or involved. But even on years when BD's bdays fall on their dads day and SS is with BM, we try to get him so he can join us for whatever we are doing that day. But we ALWAYS play parties and whatnot for when ALL of the kids can be there. That is how we have raised them. And they would be hurt if it were to happen any other way.

I wouldn't try to exclude stbxsd from events.But since I don't have children of my own I guess I don't know what the heck I'm talking about and I should bow to the ladies with babies and look to them for making correct and fair decisions in this arena.

We have my step sons every other week, so 2 weeks out of the month. When they were little, we would try to wait for us all to be together to celebrate special occasions, but now that they are all teenagers we don't. I am not going to make my kids wait to celebrate their bday because their step brothers aren’t around. We usually end up with the step sons on holidays, so that never really been an issue. I think that making your bios wait to celebrate is a sure-fire way to cause resentment. When it comes to special trips, going out to dinner, etc. if they are around great, if not.. oh well. My husband had a hard time with this until I explained it to him. My kids are with us full time, they only get to do stuff with us. His kids are with us and with their mother, and even though she doesn't do jack with her kids, her family does. Recently one aunt took one of the boys with her to the desert to ride quads. My kids never complained out it, because it's not their family. Would the skids wait to celebrate something or feel bad about getting to do something with thier mother simply because we weren't around, I don't think so. When the kids get a little older I believe in being honest with them. The sun doesn't rise and set with them, life goes on when they are not around.