BM calls the shots
I have been a part time stepmum to two boys (now 17 and 20) for six years. They are great: I'm really lucky. I see them a lot and we're close. The problem is with their BM. My word she is toxic! My DH left about 12/13 years ago before I was on the scene, but she refuses to speak to me and blows up if I'm involved in any part of their life. She says if I go to their school for any parent/carer events she won't go. So I don't push it - I really don't want to make the boys' lives any harder. As far as I'm concerned, I think she's putting enough demands on them at the moment without my SM angst. But what to do?? This is getting to me as I'm not part of any prize giving or award celebrations and am starting to feel peripheral to all the happy family stuff. My DH is wonderful but I have told him not to raise this with the boys as it would cause them extra hassle and I want our blended family to be as stress free as poss! There is a speech day coming up when SS17 is getting the school prize. Am devastated I can't go! So how do I man up emotionally?? :?
- Irish's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I wish! She has not spoken to
I wish! She has not spoken to me in six years. Says I am not part of the boys' lives. The school is small so unless I hide at the back
she would see me and throw a hissy fit
I would think that if your
I would think that if your SS's don't know the 'drama' behind the scenes, they may take it as you not caring. Not saying you should tell them.... I agree with keeping them out of it. But as other posters said, I'd go. Let her act the fool if she's really going to hissy. They're old enough to see it and they can make decisions for themselves. But most of all, you're there to support the SS's on their important days. Wear it with pride, because there aren't many of us on this site who can say we're great/close with our stepkids. I envy you!
She can't keep you from being
She can't keep you from being a part of your husbands childrens lives. They are big boys, and if you get along well with them, surely they want you at celebrations and to recognize their accomplishments. If BM can't get over herself on this, it's her problem. Do not let her make her problem YOUR problem.
Hi there. I totally
Hi there. I totally understand where you are coming from. I too try to keep at the back / out of the way and not steal the BMs thunder. But there comes a time when you need to be there.
How do your s/sons feel about you? Do they like you? Do you have your own special relationship with them? I take it you aren't trying to take them away from their mother, right?
Go along. Don't tell anyone except your DH you are going. She is playing Emotional Blackmail. See, she knows you won't do anything to embarrass her boys so she keeps making these threats thinking you will stay away because you recognise she needs to be there and it is your fasult if she 'can't' go to an event.
Sit with your husband. It isn't like you stole him away and are brainwashing the boys. Afterwards, stand a little back and offer words of encouragement or congratulations. Then take his arm and walk away. If she wants to throw a fit, let her. People will not say "Poor woman! Her sons stepmother turned up! Evil witch!" Her sons are likely to say "Mum, stop making a scene!"
She needs to get over herself.
Go! Your not going there for
Go! Your not going there for her benefit you'd be going for your SS. Does he want you there? If so ---by all means GO.
By not going to all these events for all these years she's getting to control YOU. No one should be doing that! The school is a public place unless I'm mistaken, so you have every right to be there as she does. Who cares if she throws a temper tantrum like a spoiled 2 yro. All she will be doing is embarressing herself!