I have been a part time stepmum to two boys (now 17 and 20) for six years. They are great: I'm really lucky. I see them a lot and we're close. The problem is with their BM. My word she is toxic! My DH left about 12/13 years ago before I was on the scene, but she refuses to speak to me and blows up if I'm involved in any part of their life. She says if I go to their school for any parent/carer events she won't go. So I don't push it - I really don't want to make the boys' lives any harder.