I think my DH missed a good oppurtunity...
SD13 turns into SD14 the Friday before Easter. This also happens to be our weekend and our year to have her for Easter. So, we decided that we would get SS13.9 the cell phone she has been "dying" for as well as allow her to have 3 friends come over for Friday/Sat...to return on Sat evenings to their families so that they could also enjoy their family easter. This has been established and has been in the planning stages for 3 months.
Last night SD13.9 text DH stating simply "I might not be able to come next wknd. Mom said I am not allowed, but I probably will be Ill let you know".
Natually, DH was basically, "WTF?"
So come to find out SD13.9 got mouthy, back-talked, and cussed at her BM. BM then told her that because of her behavior she was not going to be able to go to her dads for bday/Easter. (hence the text DH rcvd)
The next morning BM told SD13.9 that yes she could go.
When SD13.9 told all of this to us DH was just satisfied that plans were going forward as usual. At no time did he express to his child that she SHOULD have been punished for her behavior, that it was NOT ok for her to talk to her BM dissrespectfully or CUSS at her. He said none of these things. I think he missed a great oppurtunity here. I'm debating on bringing it up to him tonight or just letting it go. I've never been real good at the letting things go part. 
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I completely agree w/ you; if
I completely agree w/ you; if she did this to her mom, she will one day soon do it to you (or her dad). However, there is a socond issues going on - your husband needs a good, solid parenting plan in place (that is followed to a "T")so your time is not jerked around by the ex's emotional state (whether due to her daughter, or you, or her ex husband). The ex should not have the right to take away a weekend of yours, for whatever reason. I would fix this asap!!!
Did anyone speak to the
Did anyone speak to the mother? OR is this all coming from SD13.9?
Because I bet you the real decision was something like "And there is no way you are going over to your father's place for a party with your friends after speaking to me like THAT!"
My DH is the NCP to both of
My DH is the NCP to both of our children. We have managed to maintain a verbal non court ordered parenting plan for SD13 and SD5 with both of their BM's thus far...and unless it does become a problem we dont intend to involve the courts. They do prefer you work it out yourselves if possible. We are lucky enough that it is possible. We work very hard to make it possible, and although BM of SD13 is a bit of a pain in the ass she is not what I would classify as a psycho BM. We have very minimal issue with SD5's BM. She and I even have a friendship I dare say. We have no problem with seeking CO's if necessary though....both BM's are fully aware of this. We have never had a huge issue. BM of SD13 might threaten to SKID to deny parenting time to my DH but she would never actually have the balls to do it. DH fully intended to call her and remind her that it was his weekend, his year for easter, and that he would be there to pick her up at the standard time and she better be ready. BM would have made it happen. They dont like to push DH to much...I dont blame them. Only I can get away with that.
oneoffour....noone spoke to BM. We dont talk to her much. DH & BM dont co-parent very well. The only reason he would have spoke to her at all concerning this is if she actually would have tried to withhold SD during his time. Since she didn't he sees no reason to speak to her. SD13 is two different people in one body. When with her mom she is very demanding, mouthy, bratty...etc...(got this info from BM) when she is with us she is sweet, quiet, respectful, always pleasant....I get an occasional eye role but that is usually the extent of her disrespect. Her mom is a "friend" to her and lets her make to many decisions...she doesn't really get parented there and therefor feels she has way to many rights and doesn't have the rules......at our house she knows that would not fly.....so she doesn't even try and she is a great teenager (so far) I am confident that the threat to keep SD from her dads was an attempt at punishment regarding her behavior. I just also know she is not the type of mom that would actually follow through. She's to worried SD would be mad at her and not like her anymore. (Eye role of my own here)
Stv...we have this agreement with SD5's BM. If SD5 is on punishment at BM's when we pick her up....punishment carries on over to our house and vice versa. We have only had to actually do it twice but now she knows that she cant act up at the end of the week...going to daddy's isn't going to save her! If DH & BM#1 would talk we COULD theoretically do this with SD13 as well....but it will never happen because DH refuses to deal with BM#1 unless absolutely necessary.