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I was ALSO a stepkid dammit! And I was not anything like this....

foxxystep's picture

Submitted by foxxystep on Fri, 03/25/2011 - 9:27am

I sit and look at the hassles step kids cause in the lives of their blended families and I wonder to myslf WHY??? My dad and mom divorced when i was 3, and I've had 3 different step moms since. The first one I don't remember, cos I was very small. The second stepmom was my dad's FIRST ex-wife (the one before my mom - yes my father was a serial groom LOL)... anyway, I had two older brothers and this was their mom.

She was the nicest by far. Unfortunately, my two elder brothers both died in seperate tragedies in the last 10 years, and my Stepmom2 (their mom) and I still keep in contact with each other. On my brother's birthdays I visit her, cos I know she's having an off day. I call her at least once every two weeks to find out how she's doing.

Anyway, she was not the last wife... things didn't work out with the two of them, and he met wife 3 (technically 4) - the one whom he stayed with till he passed away 5 years ago. She has a bio-daughter who was 2 years yunger than me. For some reason she always felt the need t ocompare me with her. She was mean from the outset, so my dad and i decided that for the sake of peace in his house, we'd meet at his office and for lunch and coffee... When I visited, my dad made sure that she was there and made her feel secure in her home. I kept a friendly distance. When he was diagnosed with cancer, she was really there for him. I was there for my dad too, but as the daughter, and let her be the wife she was.

When my dad passed away, because they kept their finances so seperately, she was not prepared for life without my dad as she made some seriously dumb investments in her life. out of gratitude for beign the woman in his life and taking such good care of him, I paid up her mortgage and gave her my dad's car.

Now here's my thing... why am I being punished by having such a hateful little entitled brat as reward!! LOL!! I swear its like the universe is playing a sick joke on me... I know he'll never like me, because of so many reasons. His bio-mom, his own father, my So that makes him feel so entitled...

Not all stepkids are evil entitled selfish brats who want their dad's to themselves. I understood that my dad needed a woman in his life, and respected the woman at all times. My dad would never let me disrespect any of my stepmoms even if the thought crossed my mind... Why does my man allow his child to control OUR home so much? I loved my dad with my whole heart and out of respect for my dad, I respected his wife (wives). I knew my place. I loved my dad and was happy that he had someone in his life...

Comments

FallingfromGrace's picture

Submitted by FallingfromGrace on Fri, 03/25/2011 - 9:37am

Amen! I was a stepchild to and I never acted the way my skids do. I would have NEVER been allowed to act this way...ever. Period. In fact, it would have never occured to me becasue I was raised to respect adults (whether I "liked" them or not!!!).

I have a wonderful stepfather and a great father. I am close to both..in fact when I married they BOTH walked me down the aisle, one on each arm! My father never remarried so I didnt have a stepmother.

I just dont understand my skids or their bio's (my husband included) and you can bet your butt my bio kids love, respect, and honor my DH. I would NEVER allow them to treat him as my skids do me.

Asher10's picture

Submitted by Asher10 on Fri, 03/25/2011 - 9:49am

i think it's good that you discouraged that behavior but what I can't understand is why kids think this behavior is funny or fun.it seems like they like torturing the sm in one way or another whether bm encourages it or not.Take your daughter for example.You obviously do not encourage that type of behavior and i'm guessing you don't sit and bash your ex's gf to your daughter.So her actions were created by her alone and of her own mind.it's funny to do something that she knows bothers the gf or hurts the gf's feelings.I feel like sometimes BMs get a bad name because their kids do things like this of their own accord and automatically the sm/gf thinks it MUST be the bm encouraging this.When in reality as with your situation,that's completely not the case.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 03/25/2011 - 10:58am

I can't help but think the same thing a lot. I was never allowed to act like these stepkids. Thankfully, mine have improved tremendously over the years. I think it all has gprs do with how they're parented. I would have faced severe consequences for being rude to my stepparents. I didn't have to like them. But he** would have to had frozen over before I was allowed to be rude to them.

foxxystep's picture

Submitted by foxxystep on Sat, 03/26/2011 - 11:36am

I agree with so many of you, he way we were raised is totally different to the way most parents raise their kids. Now here's what I sincerely do not understand: Why do some parents bail out on responsible parenting?

That's the other thing... FallingFromGrace... my BD knows better than to even think of being disrespectful to any adult, and least of all to those in the household. She treats my SO wit the utmost respect. She has her moments as any 3-year old would, but tantrums, princess mentality etc. is sooo not allowed in my house. i think because I want to raise a well-balanced child with boundaries and respect, I hold my SO and his son to the same standards, and its maybe not fair. I am currently expecting a child with SO, and as God is my witness, there is no way that this son will be taught to be as socially and emotionally ill-adjusted in this world.

You know, I do something I should not, but I can't help it... I look at the differences in my BD3 and FSS7... You know, my daughter dresses herself, and does not need any assistance in the toilet. She's learnt to brush her teeth properly to the point where I am confident that she does it right without any more supervision.

Now FSS7 - until recently used to let his dad dress him, brush his teeth, and even wipe his ass when he's done in the toilet. I was like WHOA!!! I sat my SO down and said that developmentally, this is not okay. I told him that he's doing his son a HUGE disservice by not letting him learn to do things for himself. things got better, he can at least tie his own shoes now, and wipe his ass.

Then there's the ignoring thing. He pretends that i am nto in the same breathing space as him when he visits. He TOTALLY ignores me, and only speaks to me when he wants something. I've learnt to not take it personally, made SO aware that I am not happy being disrespected in my own home by a 7 year old. Also, when he asks for things, I give him the same blank stare he gives me when I greet him. Works like a charm, like "I see you, I see your mouth moving, I can't hear you"... LOL!!!

I think my father, AND mother would have slapped the saliva out of my mouth as a kid if I were rude to my stepmom. My biological mom has NO problem with my good relationship with my StepMom2 whatsover, and they even ask abotu each other. No they'll never be best friends, but they also are decent enough to let things go.

foxxystep's picture

Submitted by foxxystep on Mon, 03/28/2011 - 5:38am

you summed it up perfectly mustang!

"Kids push boundaries. It's normal. They WANT parents to step up and put them in their place. When the parents won't do it (mainly out of fear of their children getting displeased with them) it's when all these issues appear. It's nothing short of pathetic."

That's just it!