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DH got new job and Fri pickups will be affected

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 7:13pm

So after a 3.5 year struggle my DH started a new job this week. (yay!) The downside, is that it is second shift. (2:45pm - 11pm) Friday pickup is at 6:15 for SD5 and 7pm for SD13 then I will have them by myself until we pick up their dad at 11pm. I know SD5 will be fine but I'm a bit nervous how SD13 will react to this "quality time" with her SM. Any positive suggestions or encouragement are welcome. Now that she is a teen our relationship is pretty much peaceful coexistence, we dont talk much, and I just dont know what she will be like with her dad not their looming over her. I hope its not just filled with awkward silence. I'm afraid she will just ignore me and be silent until her dad gets home and then complain later to her BM about being with me. A part of me doesn't think she will and I wonder to myself why I worry about these things before they even happen (because they might not) and I guess I am a bit negative but I just cant help it. I just want it to go well.

Comments

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Sat, 02/19/2011 - 9:59am

Agree w. just-a-mom here- I was thinking the exact same thing until I scrolled down and read her advice.

stpmom2b's picture

Submitted by stpmom2b on Sat, 02/19/2011 - 10:07am

Maybe this will be good for you guys. I teach teens so I know how they can be. All of them want someone to talk to them and understand. Maybe you could try to plan a few fun activities or let her have a friend over. I know many of my students don't talk to their own parents so don't take it personally. Sounds like she's not openly hostile so maybe here's your chance to develop a friendly relationship!

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Sat, 02/19/2011 - 9:55am

I have a great relationship with my SD's. SD13 and I have never had problems, but we are rarely alone. She is very intimidated by her father. I am a pushover. She also likes to tell her mom stuff to cause her not to be friendly with us...if we aren't friendly she can play both sides because the communication isn't there. Thats the extent of her teen behavior in general. I mean its only four hours with me on Fri...she will live. Naturalmom I also have a peaceful relationship with SD13. She has never given me any major issues, she is to afraid of her dad to do anything wrong so I am kind of her safe place. She knows I will defend her and speak up for her, she knows I love her.

Why should we pick her up on Saturday? Her time with us although primarily is for her dad is not just about him. Her sister and I are her family too, and we shouldn't be 2nd class and disregarded just because he isn't available. She will come as usual and be with her family where she belongs. In this family, I am not dads wife. I am the mom at dads house.

We always have fun/family day on Saturdays. Our typical weekend consists of Fri: Pickup, dinner, grocery shopping, home to watch tv/movie, SD13 plays SIMS on computer and SD5 plays with toys. Since its a weekend and the girls are amped up they usually stay up until about midnight anyway. (SD13 sometimes later) I bet they will want to wait up for DH and go with me to get them which would be fine. If not, yet SD13 is more then able to stay with SD5. She does this often already.

SD13 has always been awkwardly quiet. It's not new and its not just due to her being a teen although that does not help. She has been this way since she came into DH's life when she was 5. I appreciate you all responding and letting me work this out in my head. Sometimes you just need to talk about things to make them OK in your mind. In conclusion I think things will be fine and probably even fun. Maybe SD13 will be able to open up more with DH not around. She has had a tendency to do so on the past. Plus I treat her like she's more grown up. Maybe she will love it. Who knows. Why not be positive though right? Smile Thanks again.