SD and school
So, get this, BM never put her phone number as a contact for SD's school, neither did she put DH's phone number (cell or work). She put her parents' house phone number. SD's teacher called to complain about SD's attitude in class and that she skips a good part of the class to go to the bathroom with another girl in class. The teacher spoke to BM's father. BM's father called DH to tell him that he needs to do something about his daughter, that perhaps SD needs to come and live with us, that if DH doesn't do something, she's going to turn out like DH!!!! :jawdrop:
Aha. Yup. Like DH. Yes he didn't graduate high school, due to some serious extenuating circumstances, but by all measures, DH has turned out to be quite a successful person. Especially compared to BM who did graduate high school, but is still being taken care of by daddy, the state (and DH, to some extent, because she has the kids the majority of the time). DH eventually hung up on ex-FIL.
SD says:
1. She goes to the bathroom to fix her hair and chat with her friend. She always goes first and the friend follows.
2. The smart people in school are doing badly in class on purpose because they are getting teased and picked on by the popular kids.
3. She is getting As and Bs in her intensive Math and Reading class, so she thinks she's doing well. (She has to do these intensive classes because of failing Math and Reading standardized tests for her grade).
Yes, DH was supposed to meet with her teachers (BM does not attend these meetings), he just hadn't made the time yet. Now, this meltdown, so yup, his ass is forced into action, which I think is a good thing. At the same time, we have the kids only on the weekends and BM has them during the school week, how much is DH really expected to do for this kid regarding school, studies, homework, discipline etc.??? DH cannot dictate what goes on in BM's house, DH cannot tell BM what or how to do, no more than BM's own father can tell her, it doesn't even make sense for DH to tell SD what to do if BM isn't going to enforce! But they're going to keep calling DH to solve this problem with SD! DH and I are willing to help, but there is only so much we can do!!! Sigh.
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Foxie, I was utterly
Foxie, I was utterly surprised that DH mentioned the idea of coming to live with us to the kids this weekend. I guess he was kinda testing their take on it. He did say that the main purpose was to be able to help them keep up in school and that it would be different from living at BM's. I dunno if this was the right thing to do, but he did say that it would be their choice once they're old enough, and that him and their mom would have to agree on it. Anyway, it's now a seed in their minds.
Of course, what he said was reported back to mom, who took some other weekend events out of context and spun them back to make him look like world's shittiest father, and "how dare he even suggest that he can be their majority-of-the-time parent" when he doesn't take care of them on the weekend. DH will NOT tell her that it's her own father that broached the subject, DH does not want to involve ex-FIL because he doesn't trust him one bit to be on DH's side even though he did suggest the change of custody, DH has been set up by BM's family tooo many times.
So no, some people don't shut up really. Especially when something is perceived as an attack on them, they counter-attack with full vengeance.
But we're certainly not going to sit back and let the kids fail in order to prove the point about BM's parenting regarding school stuff, we simply can't afford to do that, the kids don't deserve it.