O/T: Need some help with my math-resistant kid
OK, BD11 was doing so great the first couple of weeks of school, but now she's fallen to pieces.
She is super-resistant to math (thinks she can't do it even though she can) and evidently she's decided the best approach is to stop trying. So, she got a lunch detention for three missed math assignments. DH and I cracked down on her, explained the importance of doing her work, etc. She is home evenings about 3 hours until I get home and so has plenty of time to work on it. And it has been emphasized that she do homework first, chores second and fun things third. I ask every night if she has homework. I get either a no or a yes she's done it.
So she missed math for a doctor's appointment and the teacher gave her the assignment to complete at home. Oops, she "accidentally" left it in her locker at school. DH was of the opinion she would have to go back and get it, but I found out the school was closed and there would be no way for her to get in. So I had her watch some tutorial videos and then do online work on the subject. Next day BD goes to school, comes home, I tell her (via text) to do her homework, she says OK, DH talks to her and she tells him she did her homework.
I get home from work, ask about math assignment, and oops, she "accidentally" left it at school again. So I take away her cell phone, which is the only remaining electronic she has access to because she's already grounded from TV, computer and iPad for attitude, etc. I also tell her she will not be allowed to run for student council because 1. she can't be responsible and 2. it is required they maintain a 3.2 GPA and she is obviously not there right now (with a low C in math due to not turning in assignments) and 3. She is mouthy and disrepectful to me with her attitude over math and I'm not having it.
So, today she again got to take the consequences of her actions and she has been given a second lunch detention by her math teacher.
Help me out here! What can I do to get this kid motivated? She absolutely 100% CAN do the work, she got 9 out of 10 right on the online math work the first day and 9 out of 10 the second day. I've taken away multiple things she wants (her electronics, student council). She's hard-headed, I need a creative idea to get her on the ball here. All her other grades are fine (even 100% in one class), this teacher offers tutoring help before school and extra assignments to bring your grade up, it is hit or miss whether BD11 takes advantage of those resources. I also am very skilled at math and help her as well, but nobody can (or will) do the work FOR her. Help!
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I wish I could help. SS is
I wish I could help. SS is like that but for school as a whole. If it requires ANY effort at all he won't do it. So if you figure it out please let me know. *HUGS* I feel your pain.
It's amazing because she's
It's amazing because she's always prided herself on her smarts. If she was tanking all classes to, for example, look less smart in front of her middle school peers, that I could figure out. But this math only thing has me stumped. In 6th grade she got all As except for a B in math. She CAN do it. Evidently she's just choosing not to, and I have to find a way to break through the gridlock. Her teacher says she "shut down" in class after she got the second detention slip and was just staring into space and not doing any work. Which of course also won't fly.
I have no advice, only
I have no advice, only empathy because I'm in the same boat as you are with my DS14. He HATES homework, therefore doesn't feel the need to turn it in. He's in the 9th grade this year, so this has been going on for NINE YEARS. I talk, yell, threaten, take away privileges, taken away his phone and electronics, but those only work for a short period of time. I swear, this kid doesn't have a "currency".
Not that it's an excuse, but he's severely ADD. I've worked with him on measures to help him remember, stay organized, stay on task (I'm also ADD, so know what I'm talking about). He chooses not to use the tools I've given him. Counselors at school have done the same.... nope. Nothing works.
He's stubborn... and doesn't respond to anything until he's absolutely hit rock bottom. The only thing I can hope for this year is that he's playing sports and in high school (unlike previous years) grade eligibility will be checked by the hockey board. Bad for me is that if he doesn't make eligibility, I still have to pay his $2000 team bill (which I've already told him will result in him doing a LOT of work to pay me back). The requirement is passing 70% of his classes. Right now..... 7 classes.... 2 F's, 1 D-, all for NOT handing in assignments (in-class test scores and work assignments are all A's and B's). Right now, he's walking a thin line.
You read my mind! I was going
You read my mind! I was going to say exactly this.
Also, doe you think she would benefit from a tutor? Even if she doesn't need one for academic reasons, maybe meeting with a "cool" high school or college girl once a week, who is awesome AND loves math, might provide her with a good role model? Just a thought. My BS was always motivated by older kids he could emulate.
It sounds like perfectionism.
It sounds like perfectionism. If she's used to getting excellent grades with very little work, learning probably has come very easily to her. In her shoes, she may have no idea of how to handle the adversity of something not being 'easy' for her.
Would it work to go back to basics - explaining that everyone has things they have to do, things they're not that good in, and things that are easy. And some of those things we enjoy, and some are no fun at all. The things that are easy seem to be no effort, but the things that are more challenging require skills like organized study habits for example.
If I remember you correctly, your daughter is talented in some area - gymnastics or dance, right? Maybe use that as an example - dance seems easy to her, but actually she just enjoys all the hard work she puts in. So now she has to put in some hard work without enjoying it as much. And so the work has to be more 'defined'. Like a certain amount of time is needed, the goal is a B (sometimes good enough is good enough), etc etc.
I hope this is useful!
I get what you're saying, but
I get what you're saying, but only mastering tests may not be "good enough"
As I said in my prior post, and Elizabeth may have the same situation-- my DS14 can "master" tests... but it's meaningless because for every one test that's mastered, there's 5+ homework assignments he doesn't turn in; All the F's or Zeros basically cancel out the A on the test. So his overall grade in the class remains an F or a D.