Yes.

When it comes to stuff at school especially with his youngest daughter who is having to repeat Kindergarten because she is delayed and have behavior problems (though it is ME who pushes and pushes to have this little tested) because my SO and the BM is in denial. It is ME who sits with her and does her homework and purcheses things for school projects and parties, and it's ME who packs lunches and her snack, but yet whenever they have a meeting at school for her I am not allowed to attend. Even though it's me who works with her. However I was told is I wanted to go to one of her meetings if her BM didn't go, then I could attend.

i prefer to refrain from that particular torture scenario.but to each his own.if you feel it will help sd by having you go then go.otherwise maybe shoot an email to the teachers and get a recap of what went down and make sure they know you're in the picture and can be contacted for things also.

I don't believe that Stepmoms go, if BM's are there. Sorry. No reason, she has two parents. I have volunteered at school for SS twice and only because it was needed to get an idea of bullying that SS was getting and BM didn't have him that week. He has two parents that are somewhat active in his life. Would they parent my way, no. But, I don't have the right to insist that they do. It is there son. Not mine.

Sorry, I don't think this is your place to go. She is there and it is her daughter...

SS11 lives with us most of the time, seeing BM EOWE. I am home in the afternoons when SS11 comes home, I check for homework, make sure he does it, etc. I am the one to push DH to get SS help in school since his reading and writing are issues. I spend more time with SS11 than either of his natural parents solely because I'm home . Yet, I do not go to these parent teacher meetings and really, I ought to, as I oversee his homework. I think BM wouldn't flip out at the point if I went because she knows exactly how much I do for SS and has thanked me numerous times for this. I guess I don't go because I am trying to put the responsibility for SS's education back where it belongs i.e. on DH and BM. I don't mind helping out if I so choose but at the end of the day, SS is not my responsibility. If BM can't go to a parent teacher conference, then most likely, I would go with DH because honestly, I know better what questions to ask and what concerns to voice. Last open house (non-conference), BM took The Wallet (her hubby) with her. She asked DH first though if that was ok. DH really wanted me to go since she was bringing The Wallet but I declined as I already had somewhere else to be and I don't really care much for The Wallet and his overindulgent ways.

I stay out of these things personally. SD7 has two parents who both go to parent-teacher conferences. DH will let me in on everything when he comes home.

I just don't go because I would feel funny if someone else besides myself had gone to my own BD20's parent-teacher meetings.

This is only my opinion.

Added: DH takes notes and comes home with tons of paperwork for me to look over later. That has been fine with me.

I think Step parents should only go if they have 50/50 custody or more. AND if they are SURE that BM will not make a scene at the school in front of the small kids.

IMHO…there is no reason for a step to go if they only see the kid a few times a month.

IMHO- I wonder why my DH even goes? He only visits with SD7 a grand total of two weekends per month. He isn't even with SD7 enough to "be there" for her at school? I think it is a pride issue.

I never have gone and don't really see a need. Only SS10 ever has any issues ( straight A student but has difficulty staying on task ect.. at times) DH goes with BM and comes home & tells me. If there are issues we talk with SS here at our home. My BM is a super mom type & I think actually told DH when we were first married that she never wanted me at these things. Okay by me because I have a life.Funny thing is back in those days they left the kids home with me while they went & then both talked to them when they got to our place about the conference.

Luckily, we are past this point, but we always went together. We have primary custody; I was the one raising the kids. Honestly, 13 years ago when we married, I never asked if I "should" do or not do something. I alwyas did what was right for the skids. I help with the homework, I am a teacher myself- I went. If she didn't like it, she never said anything. In most cases, it was the one time she met the teacher...

Our BM goes to the parent teacher stuff, however she has ABSOLUTELY NO INPUT on ANYTHING. She just sits there. No questions, no input whatsoever. A lump in a chair. She is only there so her signature can be on a paper that she can bring to future court battles.

Therefore, I go. I help the children with their homework, I am the main disciplinarian, I am the one who sees their educational strengths and weaknesses, so I will go. I pushed for SS6#2 to be tested and he is getting the help he needs. I am pushing for SD9 to be tested because she is so far behind (thanks BM for doing her homework for her her whole life), and does not retain info at all. BM just sits there.

I have to say in my case I would love to go. We have 50/50 with the kids. They are with us every day a half. They go back to their mom's for a day and a half, and back to us every day and a half. Confusing but they only live a half mile away...Oh the joys.

Anyway its is me that doesn't the homework and the school with. The youngest is repeating Kindergarten (this is her second year in Kindergarten) and is STILL far behind. Not just education wise but with mentality. She receives speech therapy and occupational therapy through the school and yet until I came into the picture my SO and BM figured she was just a "late bloomer" and the "school system" would get her caught up. Well it has not worked yet! She is making progress but it's because I work with her day and night. By all means I am not taking all the credit but this child seriously needs to go to a professional and be evaluated because I think she has some SERIOUS problems. I can't even take her to her Pediatrician. The BM shows no interest in the problems and the only reason why they have meetings with the teacher, and the speech and occupational therapists is because I push my SO to call a meeting and discuss the problems and progress. It really does hurt because I "feel" I am the only one that shows any initiative or even care for her and yet I am "not allowed" to attend or do anything other then keep working with her. I'll just add tutor to my job list which already consists of chef, taxi, nanny, maid.

I have two SD's ages 5 & 13 and I go with my husband to all of their school functions/open houses/parent-teacher conferences. I dont care if there BM's like it or not...I go for my DH and his kids.

i love how BM's dont want SM at P/T conferences but when SM's dont want to go to sport events, concerts etc...then they are in the wrong for not supporting the Sks..quite a double standard

Yes, I never missed one of my SS-18's P-T conferences in his entire school career.

Go if you want to go and if your BF wants you there.

i think it's all at the descression of the parents involved. i personally will not allow or agree to my dd's smom going, BUT there are good reason's i'm not getting into, my dh doesn't go because he just perfer's to "stay out of it" dont blame him there,(i've only gone to 1 for my skids, perfer not to go because it's literally asking for more drama with the bm) since dd lives with me, he keeps her for me so i can go, usually it's not an issue for me, i'm usually the only 1 that goes, i've never missed a single 1 and even though i give dd's bd a chance to schedule on his own time, he still doesn't go, the ONLY pt conference he's made it to was when she was in pk, she's now 2nd grade...smom thank god does not show up

@ Somerg "smom thank god does not show up"

What exactly is wrong with the step mother in your ex-husband's life?

Did DHS come to a conclusion? I personally would not send my daughter to a situation that was that hostile. Never did.

yes they did, they required them parental counseling, marriage counseling and sources told me it was not bad enough to deny him visitation rights....but was getting bad, they also required all 4 (my my dh ex and his wife) to go to counseling TOGETHER but so far they've shown they refuse, dd has been going for 2 months, and we've made attempts to contact her bd, but no effort on his part...that's ok, its all working out they way i expected, and soon he'll get bit for it HARD

smom will not cooperate if i'm involved, but that will change soon too either she'll cooperate, or he'll divorce her....either way it's best for dd

I would just go for sole custody. IMO. Why don't you just do that?

because i don't have enough against him..............yet, that's pretty much how we roll right now, i'll bring up something to him that he has the "right to know" (pt conference, issues at school, programs, ball games-he only makes it if it's on the weekends---HIS WEEKENDS, then she will probably miss out-yes she see's this) about and he'll tell me to use my descression, end of story i'm not too worried about it, he's pretty much given me sole custody (just not in the books) and with the way things are at his house my 8 year old is starting to not want to go see him, she may get to voice her opinion to the judge already. she asked me for less visitation time (brought it up christmas day), so i'm not to worried about biting him with law and taking her from him.........i'll let her make that choice, and soon, if things stay the way they are, she'll be old enough to say i'm not coming over, and there's not a thing he can do and i wont have to make her

he only excercises the "benefit" of joint custody, trust me, that's already being addressed. when i was asking HIM to help me get her to a dr appointment his wife has asked about taking my dd to a dr that SHE goes to and not the one that KNOWS my dd that she's seen all her life and threw a fit in front of my dd when i denied her that option, and told me they were just going to take her without my discression and tell the dr that she was HER dd, yeah that didn't go over too well, i called their bluff and told them if they do that, i will be filing charges against ex, smom AND the doctor...then she blew up in front of my dd (that was all over phone)....since then i dont' tell them when appts are or ask for them to take off work for a change and take her....they don't know it til they get the bill }:)

it's about 10 years worth of issues, she's always "over stepped" her line in my opinion, and i can be a down right bitch if i feel my territory is crossed.

Personally, I don't care what the BM wants. If my husband wants me there for support, then I go. I am not actively involved and do not participate, but I do accompany my husband if he wishes.

i've actually stopped telling bd when pt conf's are, he never goes, and could care less how envolved he is with her, that's his thing and he'll have to deal with her later

My SS's SpermIdiot has never participated in his education, nor has SpermGrandMa or anyone else in the SpermClan. They did not even attend his HS graduation.

I attended nearly every parent teacher conference and ever school activity for his entire education career so far.

The SpermClan even has told him on repeated occasions that school is not as important as visiting with them and that he should choose to not return home from SpermClan visitation in time to start school in order to spend more time with them.

No one from the SpermClan even bothered to attend his HS graduation or even called to congratulate him.

No one in the SpermClan has accomplished more than a HS diploma. This includes all generations of their polluted gene pool. SpermGrandMa and my SS's Aunt (Who we like by the way. She detests her worthless POS older brother as much as we do) enrolled in a few accounting classes at the local CC when my wife was working on her accounting degree and still has no clue what the difference is between an Associates, Bachelors or Masters degree. When she speaks with my SS or my wife about school she repeatedly asks "So (wife's name), you have your Associates in accounting right?". My wife justs laugh in her face and says "No (bitch from hell), I have Bachelors degrees in Management and Accounting and a Masters of Business Administrations and I am a Certified Public Accountant". SpermGrandMa gives her a confused tilted head look and says "Oh, I thought you had your Associates. Why don't you have your Associates?". MY SS argues with his SpermGrandMa about this shit nearly every visitation. She is either insanely more ignorant than even I think or she if fucking with my kid and my wife.

SS loves SpermGrandMa and the SpermClan but he is incredibly defensive of his mom.

So, this topic is an important one for me and for the Rags clan. My wife and I commited that education will be a priority in our marriage and in our family. We both are graduate degreed and hold professional certifications in our professions.

My big problem with the SpermClan on this topic is not their own lack of value for education but that they propegate that crap to my SS. My own mom did not finish HS until she was in her late 40's but she sure made for damned sure that my brother and I finished HS in a reasonable time and went on to college. She would have killed us had we not.

I would go to the PTCs if I was you. Since BM has established that she is unwilling or incapable of effectively supporting your Skid's educational efforts and will not share her communications with the school with your DH, both you and DH need to be there whether BM wants you to be or not.

All IMHO of course.

Best regards,