My oldest SS was 9 when we decided to become a family unit. I have watched and helped him grow and mature into a very productive,polite,and smart young man. He is now 14. In April of '10 we were given our "final judgment" from family court, the living arrangements are to stay as is,(out of town Bm had tried to remove the boys from our home to hers) OK, during the two yrs. this went on the oldest SS simply refused to live with her! Wanted nothing to do with living there at all. BM was well aware,still we went through so much dealt with it all again, we won our case. Now,he is still a straight A student however, since spring break his attitude has changed a lot! He was busted this past OCT. for going to a bar to play pool after dark and after he was told "no" when he had asked. Long story a lil' shorter, he was grounded! after 1wk,he decided he did not want to be grounded anymore and that him being in trouble was somehow our fault!Meanwhile during his wknd visits w/his BM she tells him,"if you were with me,I would have let you go" Next thing you know.SS13 Texes his cp, BD and says,"he wants to stay w/bm"! In his world we were supposed to say "ok,go ahead" after all the fighting all the bs we had to go through,now because he got into trouble,just let him go. We refuse because it is not in the best interest of this child to go. He doesn't have to do nearly as much there as what is expected of him here. He's a rude,disrespectful,poor choice making wannabe thug while he is away and furthermore his BM believes being a friend is better than being a parent! It's driving me crazy not knowing what to do or how to handle this......his bm taught him a long time ago that, it's ok to "change your mind and leave your family" just quit. we know this is not good but howdo we prevent it?