I resent being expected to babysit my boyfriend's son
Ok so my boyfriend and I are both 31 and we have been together for just shy of 2 years and we live together. I have a 9 year old daughter with my ex, and my boyfriend has a 4 year old son with his ex. I have custody of my daughter and her dad has visitation (every other weekend). HOWEVER, when I am in need of someone to watch my daughter, my parents almost always watch her for me...I suppose that makes me lucky, but it is what it is. My boyfriend on the other hand has no court ordered custody arrangement. AND he barely has anyone to watch his son except for his ex (the boy's mother). Soooo, to make a long story short, my boyfriend "assumes" ALL THE TIME that I will babysit his son whenever he needs me to. I do not feel that this should be my responsibility. And it makes me resent his son like crazy. Any advice?
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If you don't want to do it,
If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Make it clear that you do not want to and are not going to do it, and that he has to be able to find other arrangements if he can't watch the child himself.
thank you all for the
thank you all for the comments...i have repeatedly tried to tell him that i won't be a babysitter but he puts a guilt trip on me because he doesn't want his son to be around his ex too much. But his ex is unemployed right now and my boyfriend is working full time...I also hold resentment about the fact that I have been job hunting and a couple of months ago I had to turn down a job beacuse he didn't have anyone to watch his son. I didn't want to but if I had taken the job then my boyfriend would have lost his job and he makes more money at his job than I would have made, and we have got to pay the bills. I don't mind babysitting if I OFFER...but it's at the point where i can't even stand his son being here...i resent him and i feel bad about it because it's not really his fault but i'm not his mother and i do not have any kind of bond with him really at all. Every time i try to tell my boyfriend how i feel he gets mad and asks why can't he depend on me...i feel that it's not fair. I hardly ever ask him to watch my daughter and that's mostly because I don't want to feel obligated to watch his son. I love my boyfriend but I can't help the sinking feeling that if things continue this way I will not be happy at all and i don't want to break up so I want to figure out how to get it through his head. in a nice way. I hate having my freedom taken away without my choice. It's one thing to have my daughter at home...she is mine and my responsibility. However, I feel that his son is not my responsibility. Oh also, I should mntion that my boyfriend has been the primary caregiver since his son's birth and they have a strong bond and I feel horrible if he loses that bond but should that be a weight on MY shoulders?
If you are living together,
If you are living together, and BF is currently supporting you and you and your child, there should be no issue in watching the kid until and unless you get a job. The child may not be your responsibility, but such a partnership should have room for compromise.
Why would bf lose his job if
Why would bf lose his job if you get a job? Because then he has to pay for childcare but cant afford it? Bf is working ft and you're home without a job now... So in a way you're already getting paid to be home with him right? Doesn't bm pay cs? If you get a job where will dd go before and after school?
I hope that your boyfriend
I hope that your boyfriend has taken you granted. But if you are going to marry him, things aren't going to change. That's something you also have to consider. He seems a little unfair, and you seem a little overwhelmed. Good luck! Have a talk with your boyfriend and things should go smoothly.
Baby sitters
I agree with the above as
I agree with the above as well. I told DH I will not babysit his kids. So if DH isn't here, then his kids aren't here. It isn't my responsibility to watch them. BM gets enough damn child support that she can keep them if DH has to work when he is supposed to have them. I'm not their mom so they don't need to be hanging out with me. What did your boyfriend do before you came along? My DH is doing as if he did before we met... BM has them or his mom has them. Talk with your boyfriend and let him know you are not ok with being the babysitter. Just because you are with him doesn't mean you have to do that.