Do people on this website really type their TRUE feelings?

I know I haven't in the past. My resentment and jealousy go way deeper than what I've admitted to.

My husband and I got in an enormous fight tonight. He broke our bed frame, and threw a beer against a wall. And left. I think he took his daughter with him.... I'm in the basement, so I'm not sure... but I'd guess he did, because I asked him to.

She hasn't done anything wrong.
Besides talking about her mother, all....the....time.
But she only does it because she lives with her mom 95% of her life.

My husband is a truly good person. Forgiving, kind, tries to make me happy.
And I just keep pushing him. Maybe he finally broke tonight, I don't know.
I'm jealous of his kids. Yep. jealous. I hate admitting that.
I don't want them around. I've told him this. I've said worse to him.

I told him I want a divorce. But i don't really want a divorce. I just want his kids to disappear. But that can't happen. I know that... yall dont have to tell me. I know all this shit. But I also know my feelings are not changing, after 8 years.

Anyway, please don't respond with hate. I already hate myself...