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Can my relationship with my SO work even if I move out?

klynn's picture

Submitted by klynn on Wed, 12/22/2010 - 9:31am

I'm beyond frustrated and stressed out living with my SO and his two kids that he has 50/50 custody of. There is so much drama created by BM and my SO doesn't seem to be able to control any of it. The kids have no rules at their BM's house and act like little animals in my home. I was previously married for 18 years and have an 18-year old son so I am a little more than set in my ways. I believe people shouldn't wear their shoes on the carpet, they should pick up after themselves, should clean their rooms, shouldn't leave wet towels everywhere, shouldn't eat junk food 15 minutes before dinner, should have regular chores around the house, shouldn't throw an entire plateful of food in the garbage because they weren't in the mood for it....ETC... I could go on for days, you get the point.

Between the kids and the drama with their BM, I am considering moving out. I don't want to break it off with my SO, but I also know that I can't live this way. I'd like to know if any of you has ever lived with SO and then chose to move out and was able to keep the relationship. Any thoughts or advice?

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 12/22/2010 - 9:43am

Due to all the step crap, I would not marry or live with my DH for almost 10 years. It worked great. We still had a few issues, but nothing like what most of you all go through actually living with them. I would not have been able to handle it and DH knew it and waiting as long as I needed to be comfortable.

There is no doubt in my mind that we would be divorced right now, if we had moved in together before now. AND the only reason I married DH before SS was out of HS is because BM moved SS a few hours away and SS seemed to LOVE it there so I did not fear him moving in with us. WAS I EVER WRONG. Less that a year into our marriage BM packs him up and sends him to live with us. Wooopeee.

It has been terrible for the past year, but not as bad as it would have been if SS was younger. AND I only have 7 more months to go!!!!!

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Wed, 12/22/2010 - 9:55pm

My bf moved out on my request because of drama...I wish it had just been because of cleaninless type stuff but very complicated dysfunctional emotional dynamics between SD, BM, BF, and MIL. I never regretted it. We've tried to salvage our relationship. As a couple, minus the SD/BM/MIL stuff we could live happily ever after, but that stuff is never going to go away. We've dated and tried to maintain a relationship that doesn't include the BS, but it is half a relationship and can't go anywhere as I cannot commit after going through all the shit I went through while living with him.

He made some changes but they were too late. Had they come earlier, maybe we could make a go of it, but I something is damaged in me now. I've been trying to "come back" for a long time and I can't.

All I can say is I have no regrets about us not living together. I am much happier, just very sad we couldn't make things work, as I truly love this man but hate the drama around him, and cannot accept it.

ddakan's picture

Submitted by ddakan on Wed, 12/22/2010 - 10:46pm

wow, yall are making me envision an end to all the step crap. my mind wonders what that would be like.....not to be an evil hated bitch....wow i would really like just being a nice, free person again. i love DH but the shit gets pretty deep sometimes. we're so happy when the little fockers leave us alone.