Complete disengagement from BM at the first sign of craziness. You didn't create the child(ren) so don't put yourself in the drama.

Don't try to reason with crazy.

Document, document, document.

Email communication only unless an emergency.

You cannot force yourself to love someone or force someone to love you.

Do what makes YOU happy rather than trying to make everyone ELSE happy!

I don't involve myself in the drama between my SO and BM. Sure, I vent with SO, but I have never, ever gotten involved when the two are fighting about some parenting dilemma. It's not in my best interests to be on BM's direct bad side. I've killed her with kindness and she absolutely has nothing bad to say about me as a result.

Having a practice run at the whole thing. Seriously, having conversations with BF about respect - What I'm doing to respect him and son, what I expect in terms of respect, etc. BF and I are both good communicators, so I think that has made the biggest difference this time around. We communicate in terms of the actual facts and how it makes us feel. No accusations (except when he ate my chocolate cake last week), no "always" "never" words. We use the "this is what happened and this is how it made me feel" format with discussion about how to handle it in the future or if that isn't applicable, to at least acknowledge those feelings.

We also have a very clear boundary about what is and is not my responsibility. Dealing with his ex - not my responsibility (learned that one from you, btw), picking up his kid after school - not my responsibility, but I don't mind helping because it wasn't an expectation and it is time for me and son to bond. Making his kid clean his room - not my responsibility and BF knows if it doesn't get done, it drives me insane.

I have found by meaning mindful that I am not "mother" and view my role to be a responsible adult/godd role model, etc... that it has allowed for a good relationship between skids and myself because I am not pretending to be mom or pretend they do not have a mom - regardless of WHAT kid of mom she is.

Allow DH to execute the disciplining, at least in the beginning, so skids do not resent you.

I agree with letting DH handle all ex communication.

I would also suggest not feeling obligated to be friendly or frenimies with the ex. You do not need their approval or to try to make things easier. This has been the biggest thorn in my side. Had I not been "so nice," BM would not have been able to cause all the drama she has.

Have clear expectations related to the children, so that everyone knows what their roles are.

Also, make sure that you and your SO are on the same page about house rules as they relate to the children. Even if you're not involved in discipline or decisions, it's your house too so you have a say on what goes on there.

Also, it's okay to say you don't want to hear about the ex or the drama. Sometimes we all just need a mental time out. While we can support our partners, we don't need to know about every stuipd comment/text/phonecall, etc.

Always, always, ALWAYS remember that you and your SO are a team. Both you and SO need to always show the ex's and the children that you are a team. If you disagree about issues related to the kids/ex, discuss them and resolve them in private.

Just stay out of the skids business unless someone wants to tell you something.

Just say oh, or really. Don't make an opinion or it will bite you later.