SO, is thinking about terminating his rights
Honestly I don't know what to think of this or how to support him, his exw is threatening all this stuff against him and is trying to build up another abuse case. I understand where he is coming from, his son will not even call him dad anymore and we have talked to cps and lawyers and such pretty much we can get more time with him but we have no control of what she does. It makes me really really sad, I have watched this guy that I love cry for days over this, everytime his son's name or anything concerning him is brought up he tears up, and honestly I want to kill her right now. I don't agree with him walking out on his son, but everytime we have this kid the police are at our house and shortly after some thing comes up with her freaking out, or with an investigator calling us. I'm just at a loss right now, it's not good for his son to go through everything that he is. I agree with that, the poor kid has to be stripped down and checked out everytime we drop him off at the drop because she always tries to find every scratch or every bruise, he is being checked out by doctors, dfs and police everytime she thinks she has enough evidence of abuse (which always falls through) I know for a fact he loves his son, and I care for his son, but where does it stop? She won't let him talk to him at all and when we do have him, his son makes it clear he is uncomfortable and doesn't want to be here. btw his kiddo is only 3 and all of this is coming up. I am really desperate him giving his kid up goes against all of my morals but I can understand his point I just worry he will live everyday to regret it. 
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Does your H have a court
Does your H have a court order in place?
yes, we have taken her to
yes, we have taken her to court for not honoring it, we don't have sufficient proof, and she was told to schedule times so he could call his son but she is making it really hard for him to talk to SS she said it ruins her family time when he wants to be apart of his life. All he wanted was to talk to him twice a week.
3 is way to young to give up
3 is way to young to give up in my opinion. My DH terminated his rights to SD but she was 16 and this was after way too many years of PAS.
I would call your attorney - at some point someone has to see this as unfounded and harrasment and damaging to your SS.
Edited to add:
Yes he will totally regret it if he gives up now
First off, is their someone
First off, is their someone that wants to adopt your SS? Your SO can't just terminate his rights. Even if BM and he agree on it, I dont' think it can be done unless someone is going to adopt him. (Usually BM's husband)
Second...my DH never ever thought about letting his rights go, BUT he did have to back off a little bit when BM was really freaking out. It was hurting SS more for DH to keep pushing to see him because then BM would make it awful on SS. It was crazy. SS was about 10-12 at the time I guess. He now lives with DH and I and he is 17.
We have checked the laws on
We have checked the laws on it and we could do it without some one else adopting him in our state. He is just so little that if he steps out he may not remember him but I do belive someday she has to calm down there is only so much that she can really do. Did your BM eventually calm down before your SS came to live with you?
I agree, 3 is way too young
I agree, 3 is way too young to give up. Your DH can ask the court to do a physiological evaluation of BM. Then once it comes out that the child has been emotional abused by BM and that the mother practices alienating behavior (look up PAS), the court may give you full custody and only give her supervised custody. Good Luck.
I agree I really do hope he
I agree I really do hope he comes around to it.
I agree he will regret it.
I agree he will regret it. My dh terminated his rights on a 9 month old that he had with an ex-girlfriend. He terminated because the bm was a crazy witch who didnt want him to have any part of the child life and she was already involved with another man whom the child already referred to as dada while my dh got supervised visits 2 hours a week "due to her age" (he had a craptastic lawyer). He was about to transition to unsupervised and the bm told him she would never allow the child over to his house and she would do whatever necessary to make sure it didnt happen and asked him to terminate rights and allow her fiance to be this child's father. So he did. 10 years later and he still regrets it. The bm did marry her fiance and they are still together today, but dh always feels like he gave up.
oops, I should actually add that he did not terminate rights-there is a court order that ceases visitation and child support-he has actually met her and spoke with her a few times which has only made him regret it more.
I know it is hard but from
I know it is hard but from the information you gave I don't see that terminating his rights is the best option.
I have a friend who works for CPS and although I don't know the specific lingo I DO know that people can actually be sued by the state for making false accusations or for abusing the system, as it sounds like BM is doing in this situation -- if they've never found any "evidence". He needs to get in touch with the CPS workers who have been on the case and COMMUNICATE with them. Don't think that they are necessarily the "bad guys" -- but make it clear that what she is doing is harmful to the child and that he has the child's best interests at heart.
She is setting up her own child for a lifetime of emotional and mental health problems -- there is plenty of research out there to back it up that when kids go through CPS investigations (especially repeatedly) that involve strip-searches, they are somewhat "tarnished" by the whole experience. Also at the age of 3 kids don't necessarily know right from wrong and they may base their answers to questions on what they "think" is the "right" answer to make their interviewer "happy". It's their innocence and a parent/adult's pushing that often times leads to CPS investigations that are unfounded in any real evidence and become solely based on a child's interview.
Damn those people who do this to their own children.
Did your BM eventually calm
Did your BM eventually calm down before your SS came to live with you?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From about the time SS was 8ish to 13ish she was terrible. DH backed off for about 6 month when SS was around 11ish. He HAD to. SS was making him self sick from all the stress he was under from being in the middle of DH and BM. BM calmed down a bit after that because she realized she was missing her free babysitter. Then over the years she calmed down a lot. BUT I attribute that to my DH also. Only because he started dealing with her differently.
He stopped his part of the drama so BM had nothing to work with as far as drama goes. DH still does that to this day and it is heaven. Every now and then she can get to him and he lets her see it, but usually it is smooth sailing.
Also let me clarify what I mean by DH backing off from SS. He still tried to get every visitation he could. If SS did not want to go. DH did not cause a big scene. He just told him ok and he loved him and looked forward to the next visitation. He still went to EVERY school event and extracurricular activity that SS was in. Basically…he just stopped fighting. It worked for him, but your SS is so young.