Friend Request
BM has sent me another Facebook friend request.
Now, I know that we get along. We talk when she drops the skids off. We can communicate on the phone and what not without stirring up anything. We are pretty civil. I do not like her as a person, but she is my skids mother, and I will accept that and treat her politely as long and I am being treated the same.
We talked on the phone the other day about the kids (we don't do that often, not because I don't want to, but because the lack of interest in her children) and she dropped them off and we talked to a few minutes about how things are going. Just basic conversation.
So this morning, I get on Facebook, and there is BM's picture with a message beside is saying "(BM) wants to add you as a friend!" ..
This is the 4th or 5th request she has sent. I just ignore them and don't respond. It's not that I don't want to snoop on her page and see when she is up to (I can do that on DH's page! Lol). It's not that I want to be a bitch and keep all my pictures of the kids from her. If she asks me for pictures, I am more than happy to text them to her. (i.e. santa pictures, easter pictures, whatever) But, fact of the matter is, she is not my friend. I only friend people on Facebook who I talk to regularly, went to school with (and I block their posts because I don't care to know what they are doing everyday), or people I am actually friends with. I do not add people I don't know.
One reason I don't add her is because MIL is my friend, and MIL does not want BM to see anything on her page or any pictures, comments, etc. because she hates BM.
But, the main reason is because BM is messy. You can't trust her. She lies about everything, uses people, and always has some hidden motive. I do not want her on my page looking at everything that my family does together, seeing all the pictures of the things we do, commenting on my stuff, etc. And IMO she would add me just to snoop around & then run and tell her friends all about what I'm doing and spread my business everywhere. (Keep in mind, I don't post personal things on Facebook. And my life really isn't that interesting to gossip about. But I do post lots of pictures.) Her friends are gossip central, they live off of it, and I knew many of them personally before DH and I met. I do not care for any of them and they have bad character. Anyone they can talk about to keep their mind off their own lives, they will talk about.
I don't like BM, but I'm not keeping her off my Facebook to be a bitch. I'm doing it because frankly, we are not friends. We are two completely different people. I don't care for her. I am polite because we have to deal with each other for the rest of our lives, and I'm going to do what needs to be done for the moment to keep things civil and smooth. I still have times when I want to delete our mutual friends, because I know she will get on their pages and check out mine, but like I said, I don't put personal stuff on there. I just hope I'm not coming off as giving the cold shoulder & acting nice in person.
Bottom line: I'm just not adding you because we are not friends. We won't ever be friends, because I do not respect the way that you live your life. I will be kind and polite when we interact (as long as I am getting the same in return) because I want things to remain civil if they can. There's no need to make problems when I can just be nice (if you are nice in return, which, I give you credit, you always are when we talk in person).
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You can add her but then
You can add her but then chose to block all your posts, pics, etc-basically she will get your basic info page. this is what I did when my ss requested me-I did not want to be rude or cause an issue by not adding him, but I did not want any potential drama associated with him(or his bm) having access to any of my personal info and such.
Just say thanks but no thanks
Just say thanks but no thanks - that FB is for your family and you and friends and that anything you two need to discuss you can do in person or email - she is just being nosy and tell her no. You don't have to be her friend. And I would not add and then block because if you forget to block anything she will see it. You also can block her from your page and then she can see nothing about you also make your settings friends only and she will not be able to see them - also you can specifically name her as someone that you do not want to see any of your things - I would suggest that you use these resources!! Ignore her request.
Oh, I am ignoring. & I have
Oh, I am ignoring. & I have my page set as private / friends only already. That's why she requested probably because anyone that isn't on my list can only see my profile picture & nothing else.
I created a second FB page
I created a second FB page using another name I am sometimes called. I use this page for the skids, BM and my nieces and nephews. I friended BM because it is a convenient way to communicate if needed. Using this page, these people have no contact with my "real" friends and family, and I can be a little more selective about what I post on it... I find it an easy way to know what BM is up to... I get a kick out of it to see that all the pictures she has loaded up are ones I have taken and given to her! I think in this age of technology, those of us who do care about our skids and what they might be exposed to while in someone else's care, FB is an easy way to keep tabs...
I have had this very dilemma
I have had this very dilemma too (not surprisingly, since we seem to have a lot of the same issues). I accepted her friend request in my early naivete with this whole experience just shortly after my DH and I started dating. I wanted to keep things friendly and cool so I figured there was no real harm in it. I have regretted it ever since... or at least since we've been married. Since I'm absolutely certain she would know the minute I de-friended her, I have selectively chosen to block her (and her mother... I made the same mistake there) from seeing anything on my wall or any of the pics besides my profile pics. I chose to do this after I went to pick up the kids from her house one day shortly after I had posted the professional pics that I had had taken of the kids. I walked into her her entryway and found giant 12x12 size copies of 3 of the pics (that I had paid an arm and a leg for) up on her wall. She freaking stole em from facebook and had huge prints made for herself! Yeah, I was pissed! I mean, it's one thing for her to tag herself in my pics of the kids, but this isn't even legal since they are copyrighted pictures. Needless to say I have wised up and not accepted any more requests from her various family members. My suggestion, if you don't really like the mutual friends you have that much just delete em... then I'd block her from even seeing your facebook page's existence. If she ever asks, you can just say you deleted your profile altogether because you were concerned about sharing personal info on the net or because facebook was taking up too much of your time. Good luck my kindred spirit.
I BLOCKED SM AND SS17 because
I BLOCKED SM AND SS17 because I frikin can't stand them!!!!
BM is out there adding DHs family. She's delusional. She thinks she is getting to me, but what she is really doing is looking pathetic. After 10 years, you'd think she'd get the idea that our marriage is pretty solid.
Personal msg to our BM: Try all you want you BM hag.....you're just pissin in the wind! No one here likes you and we all know you are a drug whore slug piece of spongey slime taker hater.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent
BM does not have my phone
BM does not have my phone number.
She has my email, but that's because she forced SD14 to hand it over. No matter, Gmail puts anything from her into my "That Bitch" folder and it doesn't even show up in my inbox. (So far I've gotten a "I'll pray for DH while he's in Haiti" email, and two spam emails from when her account was hacked)
She cannot see my Facebook, and never will.
None of DH's huge extended family is her friend on FB. I am proud of them.
There is no way in hell I will ever be friends with this woman. I call it good if she leaves me the hell alone, although I have something to say to her about how she treats DH.
You are ABSOLUTELY FINE ignoring her friend requests. btw, if you don't click a button, her request hangs in limbo and she can't request again.