Bed-wetting at 8 years old?
So I was reading Butterflykisses' post about her ridiculously underdeveloped 6 year-old SD, and I started to wonder about something.
FSD who is a solid 8 years-old (will be 9 in Feb.) still wets the bed very frequently. She's a very smart little girl and very mature for her age, but for some reason she continues to wet the bed nearly every time she visits--sometimes both Friday and Saturday night. I know she does it at her mom's house, too. I guess BF's brother used to do this as well when he was younger, so he's concluded that FSD is just a very heavy sleeper and will grow out of it. He hates all the laundry we have to do though, so he's gotten more frustrated with FSD lately.
The thing that worries me is that BF said FSD was well potty-trained when she was a toddler, and this recurring bed-wetting has become more prevalent since the divorce. He said after the divorce the kids when to a psych and they confirmed his theory about heavy sleeping. I dunno. I know FSD doesn't do it on purpose. She's so embarrassed about it that she tries to sneak into the bathroom and clean it up, then blames her brother. He also wets the bed, but he just turned 4 and he does it less often than she does.
BF and I have decided to wake them up every hour on the hour now when they stay over. I don't think this will put a heavy dent in it though if their mom doesn't do the same. I think she gave up on it. When BF asked FSD why she didn't wake him up and tell him, why she chose to get up and try to clean herself and then go back to a wet bed (it's FREEZING in our place and they must be chilled in wet blankets) she said they do it all the time at mommy's house.
Any thoughts? Is this normal?
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Have you noticed that she
Have you noticed that she goes to the bathroom frequently when she's awake. My oldest had a "small" bladder and one of the symptoms was bed-wetting. Try not to give her anything to drink after 6 pm (depending on her bedtime). We dealt with it until BD was around 7. It sucks for the poor kid, it has the potential to really damage their self-esteem.
Also, check into the psychological side of it since you say it got worse after the divorce. A full check-up is in order.
ss12.5 still wets himself
ss12.5 still wets himself every night. I figure he'll never stop. He now wears pullups at our house and sleeps on a plastic sheet. My other kiddos have also had bedwetting challenges-I bought one of those alarms that you hook to their underwear and that helped tremendously.
SD had gone through a few
SD had gone through a few phases of this - let's see, about age 8 and then again around 9 1/2. We finally figured out hers was due to stress. She internalizes everything. The first round was when BM had her SO and his children move in. SD not only had to adjust to her mom's boyfriend but now there were two more children in the house and she had to share her room. The second time was when BM was preggo and I think SD was feeling insecure about her place in her mom's life. Poor thing. Anyway, she was VERY embarrassed about it and would try to clean it up herself and instead of waking us up would just sleep on the floor with a little blanket.
What we did to work through it was, as others posted, limit her intake of liquids at night - especially on weekends when we would be pretty relaxed about her having pop/caffeine, make her go to the bathroom right before bed, and we would also wake her up before we would go to bed (maybe 2 or 3 hours after her). We did buy pull ups for her. We told her that if she *wanted* to wear them just in case their was an accident she could but we wouldn't make her. We told her we wouldn't tell anyone and she didn't need to either and we didn't think she needed a "diaper" but if there was an accident she wouldn't have to have her sheets changed, etc.... and we kept them under the sink in the bathroom. She VERY frequently chose to wear them. In fact, SD either asked us to buy her some for BM's or she asked BM herself, I can't remember, but BM FLIPPED OUT and went on a rampage about how I am making her daughter wear a diaper. HUH?? I don't think so! Anyway, I guess BM had no idea SD was bedwetting at her house and SD had been sleeping in soiled sheets and even peed all over the floor in BM's room when she would sleep on the floor in there - I don't know why she was on the floor in tehre but I did snicker at the thought of BM's bedroom smelling like urine. Anyway, as SD adjusted to the changes in her life the bedwetting stopped too. We did tell SD it wasn't "her fault" and she didn't need to be embarrassed or upset and we weren't mad at her about it. We would have her help us make the bed back up but never made her scrub sheets or anything. I think her being able to come and wake us up was a big relief to her too.
Anyway, if this is due to stress she will outgrow it. I think the first round took a couple of months for SD to adjust. THe second was only a few weeks if memory serves correctly. Poor kids. Bedwetting is embarrassing.
Well it can be a mix of
Well it can be a mix of straight physiology (small bladder, slow wiring, hormonal control not online yet) and the stress piece - as a heightened stress response, especially internalized (girls > boys)the brain circuits get dysregulated, exacerbating the problem. The hardwiring for bladder control comes from the same area of brainstem as stress regulation, sleep, etc. I've worked with kids up to 8 or 10 who had a mix of all that and it just took time, and tactful management to navigate to the other (dry) side.
SG I like how you supported your sd, giving her tools to manage it herself appropriately - imagine finding empowerment out of an embarrassing situation like that, and feeling compassion from you, rather than having to get lost in shame about it. There's a huge life lesson that could serve her well once she gets beyond this mess!
Since I haven't seen it
Since I haven't seen it mentioned yet, I thought I would share my story with you. DD13 had a problem with bed wetting around the age of 7 or 8 that started up after she had been potty trained and lasted 1-2 years. I took her to the doctor. They sent her to a specialist and she ended up having some issue with her kidneys. I wish I could remember exactly what it was now, but it wasn't anything they treated. Just said that as she grew and her kidneys developed more, she would eventually stop... and she did. They did an ultrasound on her kidneys. I remember that 1 was smaller than it should have been and they thought there was the possibility of a stone, but after a 2nd ultrasound a couple of weeks later, they ruled that out.
I would talk to the doctor about it and see what they have to say about it. The whole divorce timing could just be coincidence possibly especially if the therapist said something about her sleeping too hard... makes me think he didn't think it was a psychological thing so there could be a physical reason behind it. I'd find out just for peace of mind if nothing else.