I am just tired of it.
Let me tell you how my Thanksgiving was.
For those of you who don't know the situation with my Mil and me, read my previous blog.
So on Thanksgiving dh told me he would stop by his mothers house, he told me the only reason why he would go was to talk to her, to tell her, how he feels about his childhood and how she treats him and me. He told me he wouldn't be there longer then 45 min (with driving and all), he even said he wouldn't even eat. I think okay, if that's what he needs too move on, great. Then I tell him, I would like to come (for support, you know) He tells me, he doesn't need me to come and THAT HIS MOTHER DIDN'T EVEN INVITE ME. Yes you heard right, she didn't even invite me.
I asked him: what did she exactly say
Dh: She said she won't have a big Thanksgiving like always, she only invited the boys (him and his brothers)
So I asked if his brothers girlfriends would come. He said no, she said: only the boys. I am thinking okay (that is still weird to me, I am the only daughter in law she has, she couldn't have one more guest, whatever she had to exclude me)
So at that point I was pretty pissed, but I thought okay, he ONLY goes there to tell her off, so whatever, not like a happy family dinner.
So he leaves, 4 hours later he comes back. (at that point I was worried, I really didn't knew how he would feel, you know)
Then he tells me what happened
So he walks in and his mothers is greeting him at the door and gives him a hug (she never does that). He tells her, he needs to talk to her in private, so they go in the other room. He tried to tell her how he felt about his childhood, she kept looking around looking if somebody was listening, then she told him that this is not the right time to talk. Dh couldn't even really tell her everything he wanted to say. So then he goes in the living room and what would you know, in the living room where 3 of his brothers, his brothers girlfriend and their 2 children, his other brothers brand new girlfriend (that was the first time people met her) and 2 of his mothers friends. They sat and ate, Later in the other room His stepfather asked how I was, dh said I was fine. The whole night his mother didn't ask were I was. So the rest of the night he just talked to his brothers and then left.
Now here is why I am pissed, I know how his mother is going to twist this story around, she will tell people that I didn't come because I don't like her. She always does this sort of thing.
Wouldn't it be weird if your only daughter in law is not coming, specially if you know she has nowhere else to go because her family lives in a different country. Wouldn't you at least ask where she is?? I know i would.
See and that is how I know, she planned this whole thing.
I am also upset with dh, he should have asked his mother why so many other people where invited when she told him something else and that's why I stayed at home.
Now her little plan just went on and nobody called her out on it, That is why I am upset. She is going to make me look bad and that is that. I am so sick of it. Besids, I had to spent Thanksgiving ALONE at home, watching tv. I miss my family very much, we are very close, me not being able to spent the holidays with them, is very hard for me. And now I am being excluded from his family too. Mind you, I never had an argument with my Mil, she is the one that can't stand me, for some reason she won't tell me. I asked her before, I told her that I feel like she doesn't like me and that I heard she said some things about me and she denied it all. And then after that she went right behind my back to talk about me. I am so tired of it, I tell you.
I already know what you ladies are going to say. I shouldn't let it bother me, I should just let it go, don't mention it, don't say anything to dh.
But it really bothers me, Loyalty is really important to me, And the fact that dh didn't even brought it up to her, is really bothering me. If it would have been me, I would have said something to my parents. I wouldn't let them treat him this way and get away with it. I am just tired of it, really. I am all by my self here, I have no friends here and on top of it, I have to deal with his dysfunctional family and a psycho bm.
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Comments
Okay you need to hit your
Okay you need to hit your dumbass DH over the f__ing head - first off he should have told his mother that if you were not invited then he was not coming and yes I know you wrote he wanted to talk to her but come one - he said he tried and then he was there for 4 hours when he walked in that door and saw all those extra people then he should have said "mom I am going to get my wife I will be right back" No instead he "tried to talk" to her and then sat down and ate dinner while he knew you were at home alone on Thanksgiving - NO WAY IN HELL IS THAT RIGHT - DON'T BLAME YOUR MIL BLAME YOU DUMBASS DH - HE WAS COMPLETELY IN THE WRONG HERE - HE SHOULD HAVE WALKED OUT AND CAME HOME AND THE TWO OF YOUR SHOULD HAVE GONE OUT OF DINNER. Sorry but Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays and he knows that you were alone and he lets you be alone - there is something wrong here and you need to retrain your DH.
And really and truly do not get a rat's ass about what your MIL says about you - screw her - be more concerned that your DH did not stick up for you and did not put you first but put his mother first yet again - if my DH ever did this to me we would not be celebrating another Thanksgiving together - I would be gone - he has totally dissed you in front of his family when he did not stick up for you.
I asked him the same thing,
I asked him the same thing, he said, he only stayed because he wanted to see his brothers and his nephew.
But something tells me that he is lying. I think he wanted to spent Thanksgiving with his family and pretend that everything is okay with them and then come home and bitch to me about them.
Here is the thing, I don't hate his mother because she talked behind my back, I hate his mother because of the way she treats him and the things she has done to all her children. Like I said Loyalty is very important to me, so automatically I am on my husbands site. He has never said anything positive about his mother, seriously. If she would be the kind of loving,protective mother, who only wants the best for her children and somehow she doesn't like me, OK. I could deal with that, but that's not how she is. That's why it is bothering me so much. She is not a good mother and it feels like dh wants her back in his life. He even wrote her an email for her birthday, and he didn't even include me or told me about it. (I don't know when his mothers birthday is because he has never told me and has never called her on it or anything) So I asked him, why he didn't include me, like I ALWAYS do with my family ( I always send gifts and cards from the both of us) He of course had no answer. So yet again I look like the one that doesn't like her.
Sweetie you do not look like
Sweetie you do not look like the one who doesn't like her - he looks like the one who doesn't like you and wants to put his mother first - there is something very wrong with this picture!! Your DH needs counseling!!
IMHO - DH *really* screwed
IMHO - DH *really* screwed up. He should have handled the entire day so differently. You can't make MIL like you. You can expect your DH to be supportive of you and none of his actions demonstrated being supportive in any way. I am so sorry you had such a crappy Thanksgiving.
WWIII would have commenced at
WWIII would have commenced at my house as soon as dh walked in and I saw that he was alive! How you managed to keep your cool with him I have no idea because I sure couldn't have! I think StepAside may be onto something there. I think he KNEW you weren't welcome there and appeased you by saying he was going to talk to his mother. Why didn't he talk to her BEFORE Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving is a really crappy time to attempt to talk to anyone about something serious like that so either he BSed you or he has really shitty timing! As soon as your dh walked out to the living room and saw all of the SO's sitting in the living room (if he even talked to his mother at all), he should have said, "I was told this was a "family only" function and I left my wife, who IS my family behind. If you don't want her here, I will go and have dinner with her instead." he should have said it right there in front of everyone... I know I would have. This is just wrong on every possible level.
I disengaged from my sk's... I told DH that he could go and spend Thanksgiving with them if he wanted to and there would be no hard feelings at all if he did because I know that's where I'd be too. DH stayed home with our family HERE because he knew it was the right place to be given the situation. And believe me when I tell you that my dh is one of the most inconsiderate people on the face of the planet under general circumstances!
To heck with the MIL. I KNOW that what she did is very hurtful and even if you choose to ignore her crap as much as possible, it STILL hurts... not to mention is extremely rude. But as I always say to myself and everyone else, consider the source. She obviously is NOT a woman of any integrity at all. I would be more concerned about the dh not coming home for 4 flippin' hours and leaving you alone on a holiday! What an ass! Ugh that makes me so very mad for you!
My DH would still be hurting
My DH would still be hurting if he'd pulled that kind of crap with me. It wouldn't even have to be Thanksgiving but that makes it even worse. I agree with CG - your DH left you alone on Thanksgiving to spend the day with his family. Loyalty or not - that shows he's not loyal to you or to your marriage.
Hell no, I wouldn't let this
Hell no, I wouldn't let this go. I would be going off on DH if I were you. He should have made a statement to everyone that his wife wasn't invited today and he was leaving to spend the day with her. He should disown his mother. That is unbelievable. I think you have been way too nice.
She is bitch that knew exactly what she was doing. You need to go off on your husband and stay the hell away from that family.
If he doesn't say something to his mom, then you need to seriously evaluate how much he values his marriage.
OH MY!! Just reading your
OH MY!! Just reading your post, I kept thinking...DH did this on purpose. I also bet that your MIL will tell people that you did not come because you just did not want to be with them. I also bet that your H told them that you did not want to be with them. Watch your back honey!!
Wow. This is so wrong on so
Wow. This is so wrong on so many levels. I would be hurt too, I would not let it go.
But as everyone has said, your DH needs to stop sucking on his mom's tit...there is NO MORE MILK there. He needs to cut the cord and start representing both of your interests and telling his mother that you are his wife, you aren't going anywhere. The end.
I would have a serious talk with DH and tell him that you are very hurt. Start by saying how you supported him going there to talk with his mom, but when he continued to stay, eat and converse without you, that you are now hurt deeply.
Good luck to you. I hope that next year things will be very different.
Plan Ahead..... Next year,
Plan Ahead.....
Next year, get a plane ticket home and spend time with YOUR family for the holidays. Don't bring your dumba$$ DH. Tell him you'll be gone "about 45 minutes" and then stay a week or so. Have a WONDERFUL time and give him a taste of his own medicine!