Is there a forum for how to leave an abusive manipulator..follow up breakdown
He pokes me in the face and screams at me and tells me i control him and make him tell his daughter to eat fruit and I wont let him buy her new shirts...comes back one and a half hour later after taking her to Wal-Mart and buying her whatever she wants i am sure and getting cupcakes for her and says I love you...bla bla bla....I just told him I am in a no win situation and i have nothing to say...he says i act like my mom, i need help, i need to prove to his daughter that i like her. I told him I have nothing to prove to his daughter or him and again I have nothing to say. He continued to put me down..i told him he can say whatever nasty things he wants to me, but i have nothing to say. He says i control his relationship with his daughter and don't let him talk to her.
This parasite husband needs to f*ck off. I cant take the rejection from him which makes me draw back to him but i know i need out. If there is anyone out there who has had to leave their husband can tell me how to do it, please let me know. I thought i could stick this out for 3 more years until my son graduated high school because he is so attached to SS11 but I cant keep getting abused like this every other week.
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This is what you need to
This is what you need to do...Just get up and leave. Do it when he is gone at work or something.
I have to sell my house first
I have to sell my house first though...but if he finds out he draws me back in...maybe i will just find a place to rent and move out one day when he is gone...then put house up for sale.
The house is in my name and i
The house is in my name and i have a prenup so he doesn't get anything. He is in the abuser stage of "but i love you, im sorry, i was just mad" phase right now. I think i am gonna get my house on the market this week without him knowing and play like everything is okay. When house is sold i will move out when he is at work.
aw honey i havent read your
aw honey
i havent read your previous blogs or to the extent of how bad it is, but you need to get out of there as soon as possible. Here are a few websites which have helped my friend who was in this type of relationship:
http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/
http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm
Be for I or anybody else can
Be for I or anybody else can truly help you. Please answer me some questions.
1. The house you live in, whose house is it? In whose name is it?
2. Do you have a job?
3. Do you have your own bank account?
4. How far does your family live? When was the last time you talked to them?
5. Do you have close friends that you talk to?
6. Does your Dh has a job?
7. You say he has been physically abusive. What has he done? Has he hit you? Are you afraid of him?
Once you answer me these questions, I can tell you exactly what you need to do.
=House is in my name and i
=House is in my name and i have a prenup so he doesn't get any of it
=I do have a full time secure job
=I do have my own bank account, i once took a huge amount of my money and combined it with his little account, we had a fight, and he wiped it out, but i have since gained it back by making him pay for months for everything after that.
=my mom lives within miles from me but i am so angry and don't even want to talk to her because she turned her back on me, told me literally she disowned me and when i have tried to call her twice in the last year she hangs up on me, my brother is a whaco himself, and my sister disowned me too, haven't spoke to her or my mom in 4 years because they hate my husband. I have no friends because he chases them all away with the SD9 drama and bullshit. I am balling my eyes out typing this cuz i am so alone.
=He has a job.
=He has put his hand around my throat and screamed at me, shoved me back on a chair twising my finger (i think he broke it) and shoved me a few other times.
Okay now I understand your
Okay now I understand your situation a little better.
The first thing you need to do is, talk to the police,
Explain to them that your Dh has been abusive in the past and that you are about to leave him and that you don't know what he will do, they will tell you they can't do anything for you until he actually does something to you, that's okay just make sure that they write down your concerns and let them give you a copy of the statement and the name of the officer. (That is really important, don't leave without a copy and a name)
Then while he is at work, pack his stuff and get the locks changed, by the time he comes home, the locks need to be changed.
Put all his stuff on the lawn or on the street, just make sure it is away from the house. Leave a note with his stuff, explain to him that you are filing for divorce, tell him that he has been abusive and that you don't want to be in contact with him.
Call your mother or your brother and tell them that you are going to leave him and that you are scared, leave a message if you have to (if you don't want to talk to them)
Also tell a friend, again if you don't want to have a dragged out conversation write an email or leave a message (make sure that you let them know that you are afraid)
It is important that you let somebody know what's going on, all this need's to happen before he finds out that you are leaving him.
Make sure that he has no documentation of your important things, like bank account ect.
Reserve a hotel for you to stay or stay with a friend, for like a week. If you can't do that, make sure that all the windows and doors are locked (put a chair or something in front of the door), make sure the lights are out and you are upstairs with the phone in your hand (in case you need to call the police, if he acts up call the police, don't wait, don't talk to him, just call the police)
Then file for divorce.
Do not under any circumstances talk to him, you already know he is manipulative, so don't talk to him. Don't read his messages and don't read his emails. There is no reason for you to talk to him.
If you let him move back in or you forgive him or you don't follow through, you have sealed your own fate, he will never ever respect you, he will never change because he knows all he has to do is manipulate you. You let him treat you like shit and he will do so. And it will be your own fault. We all have told you what you need to do, if you don't do it, it is your own fault.
Okay, I really try to reel in
Okay, I really try to reel in the alarmist in me, but honey, really? This sounds bad, okay?
My advice is this. As soon as he leaves for work, have the locks changed. Have all his things loaded onto a moving truck and taken to a storage unit. Have him served with written notice not to return to the premises. I know this sounds extreme, but what will it take? Does he have to hurt you before you realize what he's capable of? He's dangerous and an abuser. He doesn't deserve your mercy.
Hon, you can get him out. You
Hon, you can get him out. You won't be able to sell it without him finding out. People will be going through looking! And it will be listed on line, etc. But you can have the police remove him. It is your house and he is violent. Breaking a finger and choking you are deal breakers. I would talk to your police and find out how to go about it. Also a lawyer.
I have also been in a similar
I have also been in a similar situation as yours. I was not married to this man, but he was a manipulator and a con-artist. The type of guy that could make you believe the sky is green, when we all know it is blue. He duped into believing he was a Christian and had graduated from a high ranking university, when in fact he had just graduated from rehab (I didn't know this at the time). He was a crackhead that physically and emtionally abused me. My sister also cut off communication with me because she didn't like him and my parents threatened to throw me out of the house (I was 18 at the time). He stole my car, my money, and my dignity. I let him walk all over me. After 2 years of taking his shit, I left him without looking back. He left a huge scar and it took me a long time to get over what he had done to me. It can be done. You are strong enough to do this. I know you have low self-esteem right now because of him, but please know you are a beautiful person and you don't deserve this, nor is it anything that you have done. Goodstepmom gave you great advice and for the sake of you and your kids, leaving is the only option left. Who knows how far your husband will go? You don't want to find that out. I can tell you what I learned from my experience...exactly what I didn't want in a man. You couldn't have forseen this coming, but it isn't too late to run. You will find someone who loves you unconditionally. I'm sending healing thoughts and prayers your way (((HUGS)))