BM's daily "crises" are more important than my needs?
So FDH and I had an extremely rare weekend where we only had BS3. BS9 and BS7 were with their dad, SS10 and SD8 were with their mom. It just so happened that in the week leading up to this, all three of our stupid beater cars broke down. All of them. We had been talking about buying a new car for a while, and made plans to go out Saturday and spend the day test driving and such. We figured that since we would only have one kid to deal with, it would be a perfect day for it.
But no. BM called Saturday morning as we were getting ready. SD8 had a headache. She needed to bring her over because she didn't want to be in the car to go pick up SS10, who had been at a sleepover about an hour away. She would drop her off and come right back and get her.
So fine. This was at 10:30 am. It was supposed to rain until noon or so anyway. Who wants to walk around a car lot in the rain? No big deal.
She blows back in at 5:30. She was on the phone with her sister and got in a fight because she doesn't understand why her sister thinks she's stupid for staying with her boyfriend, who cheats on her, steals her money, and hits her. Oh, and is married and lives with his wife most days. And now she wants my sympathy.
Okay, here's my sympathy. I am so sorry that you are scared to leave your ***hole boyfriend. (I actually am sorry for that, I've been in that situation and it's scary. BUT...) I am so sorry that your family cares enough to offer food, shelter, and money to help you leave EVERY SINGLE DAY and you refuse. I am so sorry that your life has so much drama in it, even if most of it is drama of your own creation. I am so sorry that you can't get your shit together despite all the help that is being offered to you in good faith, BUT I DON'T SEE HOW IT'S MY PROBLEM. DOES YOUR CAR RUN? YES IT DOES. It does because FDH fixes something on it for you every other freakin' weekend. Mine does not. I would like to go out and find a new one but every time we attempt to (this was try #3, by the way) you have a problem that requires us to stay home.
And why didn't we just take SD8 with us? Because she was supposed to be coming right back after she picked up SS10. Plus there was the "headache" that was somehow not bothered at all by Wizards of Waverly Place at top volume in the living room but unbearable at the thought of actually getting off the couch.
So now another two weeks will go by with my car limping along sadly, dripping antifreeze and stalling at red lights. At least she has her nice new car.
- stressgirl79's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
That would piss me off to no
That would piss me off to no end - next time tell your BM that they have children's tylenol get her some and give it to SD8 and say no - tell your DH to say no it is her weekend end of story!! Hope you get a nice car soon though
Thanks! I think part of the
Thanks! I think part of the problem is that they have no set "arrangement" on who has the kids when. Whenever BM feels like getting them, she does. Whenever she doesn't feel like it, they stay with us. We live 5 minutes apart so it's not as bad as it sounds, but it definitely makes it hard to say "it's your weekend." All the more frustrating.
This is the way things were
This is the way things were when SD was 4 and part of her 5th year. Because BM didn't have a set schedule at work it was hard for them to come up with a set schedule because every week it would change. And if she wasn't working, then she would have these job interviews that would get in the way.
I told DH that that was enough, and I would not tolerate them have no schedule. Whenever she could have Sd, she would, and whenever she couldn't we would.
1) You need to put your foot down, and sit with DH and work in theory different possible schedules. And then, they (DH and BM) need to work out (based on what you guys had already talked about) what schedule would work.
2) DH needs to stop fixing anything for BM. YES, it is for "the kids" but if she can't find a way to fix her own damn car, and she can't transport the kids from point A to point B. Then the kids should stay with you.
When parents split each one has to learn how to survive without the other (usually women that have been dependent on men) and she needs to find a way to make it work for herself. DH needs to step back and do stuff that will affect his children DIRECTLY.
Yes, that is part of the
Yes, that is part of the problem we have too: BM works retail (as do I) and therefore has no set schedule. So some weeks she works more mornings and picks up the kids from school, and some weeks she works nights and barely sees them. She's been on maternity leave the past six weeks and that ramped up the crazy for sure...she kept telling the kids she'd come get them right after school and not show up until 6. You are all right that a schedule is a MUST here. Thanks for the advice.
This is how it is at my
This is how it is at my house... no visitation whatsoever.. just whenever skids call or BM needs a babysitter, we are expected to drop everything and get them.
I was actually proud of DH this weekend, we were on our way out the door with our 10month old to go to a birthday party and SD text DH that she wanted to come over and I seriously thought that there must be pigs flying around outside , because DH said "sorry, we have plans!" I wanted to tell him right then I don't understand why he just can't make a visitation schedule with them and that way things like that wouldn't happen, but it's not worth it... it has been like this since the beginning of time and it's not even worth getting into a huge long drawn out drama fest with BM's to change things.
Ugh I just realized I sound like the DH with no balls who just rolls with it, rather than deal with BM...
I just don't understand not
I just don't understand not having a set schedule. Kids need routine. No one is helping the kids this way.
We have one week on and one week off. We had a crazy schedule and I got tired of it. It was for BM's benefit. But, one morning one of the kids told their Dad that they forgot which house they were going to. He said they looked so stress, he called BM and told her it was to be this way or he would contact the lawyers again. Now we have been on it for a year and a half and it is so much eaiser on everyone..
The straw that broke our
The straw that broke our camel back and led to my H finally getting a CO visitation schedule was a period of a month in where
1. BM said SD couldn't come but SS could. We drive 1 hr to get him. She makes him come to the door (sobbing) and saying that he can't go. About an hour after we got home (2 hrs from being there), she called to say we could "come get him now."
2. Two weekends later, we drove an hour again. Nobody home, nobody knows where anyone is. No answers of any phone numbers we were given for contacts. Turns out BM (a TRUE Disney Parent) took BOTH skids out of school for a MONTH vacation including Disney World.
She was "kind" enough to have the skids send postcards. (/sarcasm)
YOU NEED A SET SCHEDULE
you need a set schedule.
you need a set schedule. even though it is set ex may still not follow it.
Sometimes I selfishly enjoy
Sometimes I selfishly enjoy NOT having a set schedule...
the pros are that sometimes we get a whole week or more skid free because they are doing other things. I used to HATE having go with my mom and step dad to take my step brother and sister back home EVERY SUNDAY at exactly 6 pm and I really don't want my weekends to revolve around watching the clock for pick-ups/drop offs... blah
the cons of course are the willy nilly nonsense... the never knowing when Skids are going to be there, never having that "mental preparation" time, having to drop everything and change plans because skids called.
So again, I just go with the flow and come here and crab.
I agree, Daizy. Looking at
I agree, Daizy. Looking at it from my DS point of view, I feel bad for him when he has to keep this dumb EOWE and CO weeks schedule. The CO was very necessary when he was younger because X was such an ass and we had to have it. Now that DS is older cooperation with X has gotten much better because DS kind of took over. But the CO is still in place and it gets very old to DS, who loves his father and likes spending time there sometimes. It's just that when the kids get older mom's time and dad's time leaves them feeling "what about MY time?" That's why I rarely see DS on "my" time because I let him have a life. Hang with friends, get a job, that sort of thing.