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Will I ever be able to stand having them in my home?

Crizzle's picture

Submitted by Crizzle on Thu, 10/21/2010 - 8:11pm

SD13 and SD16 used to live with their mother and visited us every other weekend. I didn't much mind them then. In fact, I had a pretty good relationship with them then. But they moved in with us 2 1/2 years ago and it has been pure hell. They lie and are two-faced. I can not stand having them here 24/7. I can't stand to look at them and I can't stand to talk to them. I have been disengaged for about a year now, but I still can't stand them being here. I only have two years to go and the oldest will be gone, but I still have almost 5 years before the other one is gone. :sick: UGH!!!

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Want to be a better SM's picture

Submitted by Want to be a be... on Thu, 10/21/2010 - 9:33pm

I am in a similar situation. My Skids are 14, 17, and 19...no signs of leavning any time soon for any of them. Please share tactics on how to handle. I try to be loving, patient, funny, understanding, but it is hard when it is so thankless...I am human too.

Sorry this is not advice or a magic bullet...just empathy.

Whateva's picture

Submitted by Whateva on Fri, 10/22/2010 - 7:58am

No suggestions unfortunately just know i feel for you! This is my future fear, it makes my complaining about every other weekend seem minor.

Whateva

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Fri, 10/22/2010 - 9:30am

i'm in the same boat. ss17 is respectful and since getting a job as a busboy he has been 100x better at cleaning up after himself. i'm sad to see him leave - it's ss15 that i can't wait to get rid of.
i have no advise on how to make it through all the disrespect, my only thought is to share why you act the way you do. i have been asked by ss15 why i don't pay for anything, i said i do - just not for you and your brother, you don't respect me so i will not spend my money on you, i tried in the beginning but saw no reason to continue. ss15 recently visited and i made him do his dishes before going out to eat - i said i'm not picking on you - i'm just showing you that there's no reason to dirty 2 cups in the span of 20 minutes and i'm showing you how much fun it is to clean up when other people are having fun. i said i could have let you do the whole sink, but all i ask is you clean up after yourself and become more conceincious of when you do things.
i've been around for 3 years and still to this day hearing that ss15 will be at the house for the weekend or more for the summer and school breaks sends me searching for the booze or a sleepaid.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Fri, 10/22/2010 - 9:48am

We have one that's 50/50 at our house, alternating Mondays. I'm up one Monday when he's leaving, and down the next when he's coming back. Sometimes I think there's no way I'd survive having him 100%, but then I also wonder if having him all the time would help. At least I'd have a better chance of training him.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Fri, 10/22/2010 - 9:57am

sounds like living hell to me.... i'm with whateva, it is my daily fear that one day skids are going to end up living at my house~ :jawdrop: i guess i would feel a little small bitching about my current situation, too...

i don't know if i would cry, scream or pass out....

i do actively waste shit loads of time thinking about ways to avoid if it did come up. i also go out of my way to verbalize how boring it is here and how much more fun it must be at their mothers b/c all their "cousins" live next door...

i'm not a bitch to them now, but i could see where i would turn into one if i were stuck with the thief/liar sd13.5 and piss pants ss10.5 24/7.

hopefully after the oldest moves out, the youngest won't like it there by herself.... my heart hurts for you! the bm NEVER gets them?? WTF?

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Fri, 10/22/2010 - 10:57am

**hopefully after the oldest moves out, the youngest won't like it here by himself.... **
this is my hope too Smile fingers crossed }:)

hbell0428's picture

Submitted by hbell0428 on Fri, 10/22/2010 - 11:09am

Wow. are you at my house.....Same thing; SD13 been with her since she was 2; her and I got along GREAT!! Maybe because we were both fake and could last as long as 2 days......but since she has been with us FT. PURE AN UTTER HELL!!

She tells my daughter that I am mean....etc; I think it's because we our both out of our shell so to speak; no where to hide or just be ourselves. My BK have grown up with me and are used to how I yell when I want to get my point across or how Dad and I argue over silly things and on and on. She says she has seen my bad side and she doesn't like me......BOO HOO get over it; we all have bad sides and it's not always roses... I just think we well co exist for the next 5 years.cant wait....

Eyes Wide Open's picture

Submitted by Eyes Wide Open on Fri, 10/22/2010 - 12:47pm

Even if they leave, you still have to put up with them in one form or another. I gotta tell you, when SD's "special" bling comes up on DH's text, my skin crawls. I just know it's going to be some sort of baby daddy drama or something that no one cares about. Both adult skids continue to lie and manipulate both bio parents. I was on to them from the "get-go" (have a grown child of my own, so it wasn't my first rodeo!) and they didn't like the fact that I wasn't going to pay homage to every move they made.

However, I have to say, since I disengaged about 2 months ago, life has been much smoother. Let me harass the heck out of their father and call him whining about their lives---NOT my problem!