I need to vent...
I just needed to come in here and vent real quick so that I can continue to only talk good about my sd's BM around her. SD and I have made SURE that we only talk good about BM or we don't talk about her at all in front of my sd. As a result my sd still thinks her mother is the greatest despite the fact that she moved 2 states away and only sees her 1 week during Christmas and then 2 and 1/2 months out of the summer. She doesn't send birthday presents and when she buys her Christmas gifts she keeps them at her house. She doesn't help with school clothes, school supplies, medical needs nor does she pay ANY child support. Still she gripes at my DH and I that we need to meet her halfway for her visits. All this AND she only calls her own daughter MAYBE once a week and talks to her for a measly 5 minutes. HOWEVER she makes darn sure that her 15.00 monthly subscription to World of Warcraft is payed because after all... SHE says that WoW is a better dating site than EHarmony. I won't sit here and name off all the choice names that I have come up with for her because I try to keep it clean so I'll just end on this note... that woman better not EVER try to say bad things about ME to my DH EVER again because if she DOES all bets are off and she will hear EXACTLY what it is I think of HER! 
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It's so hard isn't it? Just
It's so hard isn't it? Just remember that you really ARE doing the right thing for the kiddo! Feelin' ya N8!!!
Indeed it is. The only thing
Indeed it is. The only thing that keeps my mouth shut IS the fact that it would only hurt my sd and honestly it's not like if I were to say anything to her BM it would change anything because I know it wouldn't. I would only be wasting my time. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement.
There are some people in the
There are some people in the world whose opinion of me doesn't amount to a warm bucket of tinkle. Bms definately fall into that category.
Keep your chin up and know
Keep your chin up and know you are providing a loving home for your SD. This BM moved so far away, that she now has to pay the price of that move.
It is NOT your problem to provide transportation. It may be difficult for her, but there must be some solution. What did she think would happen when she moved that far away?
When I moved my DD's from the West Coast to the East Coast, I provided plane tickets and flew them to see their father on all their long school holidays. We planned in advance and made it happen. He could not complain. He in addition, got several days at a pop, quality time, and got to see them every few months.
Eventually, the girls started to complain the visits were too long and they really didn't want to go. I made them go anyway until they turned 18.
Hang in there. Don't do anything you DON'T want to do.
Good luck.
N8tivebutterfly - Your
N8tivebutterfly - Your vindication will come as SD grows up and realizes how little of a mom, her bio is to her. Easier to say than do... don't let BM get to you. (I know!! I am going crazy here because BM is such an ass!)
Also, one thing SD's therapist told us is that as SD got older, if we thought that she was hurt by her mom's actions, we no longer had to "protect" BM by not talking bad about her or making excuses. We were given permission (for lack of a better expression) to be able to tell SD when she was hurting that we understood WHY and basically agree with her.
I feel for your SD. The better of a mom you are, the worse her BM will look to her. And that could cause her many issues down the line.
SD here has come a long way and is doing much better here. She sees her mom 1x a week where they go visit her grandma on mom's side that is dying. Recently, filling out a college application made SD all upset. Because they asked about her BIO parents. She had no problem filling in her dad, but didn't want her mom anywhere on the application. When she found out that my space as step parent was relegated to a "miscellaneous additional comments" section toward the end of the app, she was really indignant. It's stuff like that that still comes out, where you will realize how much BM's actions (or non-actions) affect your SD.
Hugs girl!! Keep up the GREAT work!! Your DH and SD are so lucky to have you in thier lives!
Chin up girl! You are doing
Chin up girl! You are doing all you can! The BM here doess't even get her kids that much and she is only an hour and fifteen minutes away. She expected us to meet her halfway and most of the time, we ended up taking and picking the kids up. Now when we provided complete transportation and her family sent food, she got them more often but since she has been cut off, she has yet to step up and do what it takes. This BM also does not help with Christmas or school. My personal opinion is that if she cannot pay child support, then she should be made to at least to provide their Santa Clause and get them in school. She also makes sure she has cigarettes and meth. Her BF and her also get his kids EOW and he pays child support even though he is a meth head himself. Him mom pays it for him when he can't I believe. And since he doesn't eat anything but hamburgers and spaghetti, they make sure they have enough money to eat at Burger King every day. Im here if you need me. It is hard to be the good person. My MIL says that basically the only SS that hasnt basically realized what their mom is about is my middle SS and that is because he makes himself to be a victim in every situation and she listens to his mostly false sob stories. She loves to get herself up in arms on how these kids are being mistreaten.