Priness80 - there is a love you will have for your bio child that will compare to nothing else in the world - and that is okay - that you love your SS so much is great and he feels it and that is what you need to do for him. As far as your DH saying that he loves his son more than you - I would tell him that you hope the love he has for his son is different than the love he has for you. There are many different types of love and the love that a man has for a woman is much different than the love that a man has for his children.

I will say that I would die for my daughter but I can't say that about my DH or even my SS and he calls me mom as well - I love my DH very much but with children the love is unconditional and with your partner there can be many conditions that affect the love. So love your SS and love your child when it is born and don't worry about the rest. Your DH was with BM can't change that so don't dwell on it or you will drive yourself crazy just keep loving that little boy.

If his BM is as responsible as my SS12s BM, he can be grateful that a stepmom's love isn't like a BM's love. I love my SS12 enough to make sure he has clean clothes and plenty of groceries that are good for him. His mom buys her case of beer every day before making sure she has money for rent and the electric bill. Sometimes when he calls her she tells him he can't visit becuase her power is off til after the first.

It is different, how you feel about your bio kids and your steps, but it doesn't have to affect the way you treat them, especially if you love them and they aren't skids from hell. I know some posters have skids that are evil, but mine aren't. They're generally good kids. But I don't feel the same about them as I do about my own. The trick around here is never letting on that I feel differently about them. I do love them, and I treat them as well as I treat my own kids. But sometimes that requires a lot of elbow grease.

Your DH has not learned that he cannot equate his love for you to the love he has for his children. It's [not] the same love, SMH. As for your saying you'll lay your life down for your SKID . . . SMH, no ma'am. Trust me when I tell you that you will definitely change your views when you give birth to [your] very own bundle of joy. You will [inevitably] become 'mother-hen' & very protective of your baby. Perhaps, you will even give DH the evil-eye if you have a problem with the way he's doing whatever to your dissatisfaction. Right now, you don't know any better & though you may believe you love your SS, you won't know what [true] maternal love is until you give birth. As for your DH, girl... you'll be loving your baby more than you love your DH. Many women admit this fact to their girlfriends but of course this is not something you'll ever admit to your spouse; that's what I don't understand about your DH for opening his big mouth & saying something like that to you, but in time you'll soon see & you'll feel the same way as your DH but hopefully you'll have more tact & diplomacy of yourself than he did. My SS11 lives with his BM (where he belongs). I don't want him living with me on a full-time basis. I have love in my heart for him (moreso, I care about him), but if I don't ever speak to him again it truly doesn't matter to me, b/c he's [truly] not my concern. Now tell me, is that love? SMH, I don't think so. I'm not into 'playing mom' to anyone else's child (I don't like pretending) & no one will ever go before my child{especially a skid).

i have two daughters and I only gave birth to one of them. I cannot say I love one more than the other. I honestly would give my life for either one of them. Yes it is possible to love your step child as much as your bio child. Don't let anyone tell you different. People's different situations make it harder to have that special bond, but it can happen. Believe me no one is telling me otherwise.

I love my step daughters to bits, and i honestly think that i could love them as much as my own if it were not for their bio mum. I cannot be their mother, so i cannot let that part of heart fully over to loving them. Otherwise, every time they went back to their bio mum a piece of my heart would go with them.

I definitely think its possible to love them equally, but for different reasons. You love them for being a part of your partner, you love them for the relationship that you have forged despite everything else, you love them for the hugs that come naturally after a period of time, how they start to want some of thing that you do for them with their bio parents. But at the end of the day you still have to hold that little part back, you will never be their Mummy, but you can be the best damn mother role you can be, that includes loving them (equally as much) but differently, as they are NOT the same as your biological children, but they are just as special for all the differences.

When you have your own Biological child... you will learn a few things.

1). No one loves your child as much as you do. Your love for them will be emotionally overwelming.
2). That no matter how much love you have to give others....(SS) it never equates to your own for your own child. That's because they love you unconditionally also...and there is the whole "creation" aspect.

Your SS loves you and needs the love and security you provide him. Its just too bad that when we love and provide for our skids with the absence of their BM, and want and wish they were ALL ours.... that we cannot erase the heartache from them... and heal it with our love.

We always have to "share" that with the nearly absent "other".

as I have said, My stepson/stepdaughter did not grow in my stomach, they grew in my heart!

I think it is awesome that you love your stepson so much. I do think love can grow in a heart but there will be an instant connection to your biochildren that you will have no control over. These are your offspring and most of us have the natural urge to protect them from everything. The night XH and I brought our son home from the hospital, I would not let him turn out the light in case a fly got in his mouth. Ok.. a little weird I know but I was deathly afraid of this. I was afraid of everyone outside my house not doing everything right with BS. I would get so mad with XMIL because she would let him cry a few minutes before giving him his bottle and such. When I had my daughter with my DH, the instinct was also there. I remember when I left her long enough with MIL and SIL long enough to go to the ER with a spinal headache and pick up BS from his Dad. I remember MIL telling me that DD had eaten and I was back asleep from the shot. The next morning, SS who was then 8 told me had fed DD. I went through the roof that they had let an 8 year old feed my baby without even asking me. It also used to irk me horribly when SS's would do things such as let her put their fingers (especially since these kids did not wash their hands) in her mouth and such and MIL and DH would let this go on while I was at work. Yes, I loved my SS's and I believe that if perhaps I was given the chance to be their mother rather than having everyone second guess everything I do or tell me that I love them too much one minute and that Im trying to take their place or Im mean because I wont let htem have their way the next, I would have been able to form a closer bond with SS's. I do loves these kids so much, I stayed in the hospital with SS when he had pnuemonia because I wanted to be there with him to make sure he was taken care of. I also do little things such as take SS's to the doctor and school shoppping and such to ensure they have everything they need and if I can, what they want. However, there is a difference that I cannot help but feel. I know that my birth children are my children and no one can take that from me but if I were to leave tomorrow, my stepchildren would probably forget me and move on with their lives if I had never existed.

I am pregnant, too, and my fiance straight-up told me one day, out of the blue, "I know that you won't love SS3 as much as you love our own child, but all I ask is that they never know that. That you treat them the same."

I was a bit shocked that he had even had this thought, but I'm glad that he put his thoughts out there and did it in a way that didn't make me feel attacked or like a bad SM or something. I tried to deny that I would love my child more, but really, you can't. My child will the product of the love that DF and I share, and there's no way you can put a value on that compared to the child of the product of someone you can't stand and whose life you don't have total control over (I mean that in the way that we have SS3 only half the time, the other times his behavior/upbringing is at the mercy of his BM).

I expect to have more of a connection (and thus, more unconditional love) with my own child. Does this mean that I won't love SS3 and SD5? No way! I love them, too. It will be a different kind of love, and certainly a love I've never experienced before in my life since I'm not yet a mother, and I think as long as they ALL feel loved by you, there can be no complaints.

I suppose that depends on the BioParents and StepParents involved. There are many BioParents who are shitty parents just as there are shitty Sparents. In fact far more children are killed by BioParents than are killed by Sparents.

The interesting thing about BioParents is that many of them never chose to be parents. Many of their kids were Oops's. As Sparents we make the consiouse decision to be Parents to our Skids. There are very few Skids who are Oops's to their Sparents. The only Oops Skids I know of were as much a surprise to their BioParents as they are to their Sparents and usually come shortly after a knock on the door followed by "Hi, I am your kid" or "Hello, remember me. We hooked up in xxxx and this is your child".

I have no comparison between the love of a BioParent and the love of a Sparent. I have no BioSpawn. I became Dad(dy) to my son (SS) when he was 1yo and I was the first person he ever called Daddy. I raised him as my own; I supported him, coached his teams, taught him to read, write, use the toilet, ride his bike, and ultimately got him successfully through HS.

I would certainly hope I would love a BioChild as much as I love my son (SS). I am sure I would. I am also sure that the love would be different just as the love that parents have for their multiple BioKids is different for each child. The kids are individuals and parents need to love them differently based on the needs of the child. One kid does not need more love than another but the love is different for each child.

In my less than experienced opinion of course.

Best regards,