I think it is okay to spend a little more on the bio kids - they don't have another parent buying them gifts. I also feel as in the case of SS - his BM would always try to out do us for Christmas so after the first year we let her. Also maybe DH can call BM and see what she is getting and then if it is a lot - only get them a few things. DH and I have decided that Christmas is not a pissing contest and if his BM wants to go all out that is her gig - now that he is 17 for the last few years we have given him $100.00 and we go away to either a water park or like this year Disney and that is the gift. He likes the cash and if he complains about the amount then he knows he gets nothing. So buy your kids what you want and give the girls money - they will probably like that any way and if they complain tell them they can get nothing if that is how they are going to be. It seems that they both get a lot so don't try to keep up with the other parent - it never works and you only go broke. Every family has a different situation regarding money and you should spend according to what you have.

I don't know how old your children are but if they are little buy them whatever you want - my SS commented once that DD4 got a lot of gifts and I pointed out to him - (this was the year we bought him some Xbox 360 games) that one of his games cost as much as 5 of her toy gifts. I also told him I don't have to explain anything to him - he gets gifts from us, bm, her family, my family - he knows he gets a lot.

This is a battle I fight (and lose) with DH every year. SD is 17 and gets presents from BM, as well as BM's parents and her stepdad's parents. Our kids together only get present from us and my parents. Despite this inequality, DH tried to convince me we should spend MORE on SD's gifts because "she's older and her needs are greater." Good luck with that!

I agree it's not fair to our biokids that the stepkids get so much more. I am going to propose to DH that this year we spend slightly MORE on our BDs and slightly LESS on SD. Nowhere near half or anything like that. DH still spends more on SD than I budget EVERY year (he tries to buy her love). I don't have an answer for this one. You're not alone.

Oh yes, Christmas.
We spend the same on all the kids. Depending on the age groups, the gifts will sometimes seem more. For instance, I bought my BD an iPod one year, it took up all of her money and she mentioned to me that she didn't get as much stuff as the skids. So...I think it is pretty normal for brothers and sisters to have "she got more cake" syndrome weather they are bio or step.

As far as the gifts that the skids get from BM...I tell my darling that I am sorry she is missing another Christmas with her Dad and that I am doing the best I can on my own. She is a level headed girl tries to remember to be grateful for what she DOES have instead of what she doesn't.

When we would have Christmas with the SKs, we tried to keep it even - now that we never see or hear from either of them - they get a $50 gift card and I spend the rest of the budget on my DS - add in DD this year - and anyone else on our list. I told DH I wasn't going to spend hard earned $$$ on SKs if they were not a part of our family. Not visiting, calling or any type of contact tells me that they don't want to be a part of our family - oh well. DH totally agrees with me.

We used to give the same number of gifts. We don't anymore. I have a blog I wrote about it out there somewhere. In fact, Dh and I don't buy any gifts for the SK's anymore.

I've pondered this exact thing with my own child on its way. As it stands, SD5 (who isn't 'ours') has 6 sets of grandparents. SS3 has 4 sets of grandparents (I don't count mine, they've never met him or contributed to Christmas). Our biological child will have 4 sets also.

SD5 gets LOADED with toys every year. Last year fiance voiced this concern over his son because it almost doens't seem fair...but yet what do you do? You can't be blatantly unfair in doling out presents on Christmas morning.

In later years it might be easier to explain to the kids...but when they're younger I think it's more the quantity of presents, not the amount spent sometimes. We just try to make sure they have the same amount of presents, even though we may spend more money on fiance's son.

This is how we do it. When the skids go to their moms to get gifts for her my kids get gifts for me their mom! Get it? IF they can get gifts from their mom why can;t mine get gifts from their mom?? I always put the ones from just me back and bring them out when the skids are with their mom. Now I've never tried to compete with bm so I bought my kids things that I know they want and with in my budget. But usually skids always get way more spent on them even with me doing that by their mom. Note here though that bm doesn;t work and all the money she gets is CS, winder who is really buying that stuff?

I buy for my kids and dh buys for his kids too. I don;t feel guilty either, I mean I have been told too many times that I am nothing to the skids so why should I be responsible for anything that has to with them?? Or concerned about how many gifts they get at this time of year?

I am obsessive about balancing everything out. I make sure that I spend the same amount of money on each of the kids. THEN, I make sure they have the same number of gifts under the tree. AND...on top of that, I want to make sure the amount of gifts looks the same. So if one kid is getting a bike, for example, I find something else big to balance it out.

It's insane. But I want to make sure that no one ever feels slighted.

mom2five I understand where you are coming from but at the some time that is giving a false since of life is always fair to the kids. Of course that is my opinion. I think kids understand more than what you think.

Example: when my sister was 5 she wanted this doll that was out of budget for my parents me and my brothers were older and we sat our mom and down her to just get the doll for our sister and we understand and not to worry about it. My mom cried. but my point is that sometimes you just

I need to explain these things to kids and they will understand. Such as the older you get the more expensive an item is that that kid may only get one or 2 gifts but the same about as spent roughly. All our kids understand this.

I just think this a set up to failure.