Maybe the only reason I haven't left is....
Maybe the only reason I haven't left is that I am not a quitter and I am very competitive and I don't want the enemy to "win". If I give in to this abuse, then I am letting the FSS who called me a witch and told me to eff off and called me a slut (?) win. I am letting the BM who hates me win. I am letting her mother who said a bunch of horrible things about me in a letter to me win. FDH told me tonight that he still loves and cares about BM's mom who said those things to me. FDH never has anything good to say about me and is constantly critical because I am so angry. Maybe I would be less angry if you FUCKING STUCK UP FOR ME, JUST ONCE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!! I want to leave and I think the only reason why I haven't is because then all of these assholes will WIN. How messed up is that?
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Honey... you already know you
Honey... you already know you dont want to live like this the rest of your life. Please dont stay out of stubborness because as the PP stated above, you are going to be the one losing out if you stay. They may "win" in the short term but what are you losing if you leave? Are you going to respect yourself less in the morning when you are not being talked down to? Are you going to be any less of a person because you are no longer be treated like crap? No!!! So guess who wins? You do and they can be the unhappy ever after clan all by themselves:P
I have to agree with the
I have to agree with the above comments. You deserve better than this and you deserve to be happy with a man that loves, respects and stands up for you.
They all win if you are unhappy but they lose if you are happy wheather that is with your H or not.
JMHO.
No my Friend, If you leave,
No my Friend, If you leave, YOU win. You move on to a happier life and they continue to be miserable. You are not the ONE THING that makes their lives tumultuous, so if you leave they may think that they win, but 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years on down the road you are happy and they have still failed to move on. You win! Do whats right for you. Happiness is the best revenge.
I KNOW!!!! I think I just
I KNOW!!!! I think I just realized I might feel this way. I am being vulnerable writing this because I have never even allowed myself to consider it before.
Ugh!! Y'all are right, but I
Ugh!! Y'all are right, but I am so confused. He and I just had a talk and he says that he did stick up for me to the exMIL and told her she was out of line and inappropriate. He said that he plans to be cordial to her but not go out of his way, but before made it sound like he was going to kiss her butt. And he did stick up for me to his son. He said that he sticks up for me all the time but doesn't necessarily do it in front of me. He says that I am angry because I apologized and they haven't. He said that all that does is make him love me more. He also said that he didn't feel my apology was sincere. My Gosh, I think he is just as confused as I am.
Why can't any of this be easier?
Glad to hear you guys are at
Glad to hear you guys are at least talking things through. That's at least is the first step in the right direction.
It sounds to me that maybe you and H just need to work on communicating with eachother better (i know, easier said than done
) so you don't feel like he isn't backing you up.
Hugs and Good Luck Hun.
Thanks, y'all. And I know,
Thanks, y'all. And I know, we do need to communicate, but it is so hard!! We have tried two different counselors here. The first was literally using us as HIS therapists. He has PTSD from Katrina, in our opinion. We would show up, talk about us for 10 minutes and he would rattle on for the other 35. The second guy is nicer but always takes FDH's side, and tells me that I just need to learn that a stepmother's place is to shut her mouth and support her husband. Last week he actually said that I needed to "get over it" and it is FDH's decision whether to sign the mod because we "aren't married". Umm. excuse me, you ignorant mother f*cker, but last I checked we are getting married in February, and this is a 26 year mortgage. HOW EXACTLY does this not affect me? I walked out of his office on Thursday, and I DO NOT believe that I will be back.
Wow sueu2! I really (for the
Wow sueu2! I really (for the first time) really agree with what you posted here. Sometimes I find posters to be very insensitive and I stay away from ST until the dust settles.
I guess what I am saying is that this response was really constructive to the poster ....IMHO.
My exH NEVER stood up for me in our marriage. I remember one very hurtful incident where I was sitting in the doctors surgery with a massive migraine (hereditary) and the doctor proceeded to tell me that I was just abusing the system (by expecting him to give me an injection) and that I belonged in a mental institution because I was a drug addict! ExH just sat there and said nothing....My now Fdh would have taken his (the doctor's) head off if he had said anything remotely like that to me. It really makes a difference when you know that your SO is on your side..no matter what the circumstances are. In private he can gently tell you how he feels and THEN disagree and try to help you.
Just my humble opinion...
MG
You know, the thing is, he
You know, the thing is, he disagrees to my face, but has never told Skeletor (the BM) that he disagrees. He tells her that he made a promise to me etc... and that is that.
On the other hand, he needs to grow a spine against his son and a pair against his exMIL (who can rot for all I care). He needs to be worried about what is RIGHT and not that his kid won't like him if he sticks up for me. He needs to tell his ex MIL to go f*ck herself. She is not family anymore. She is just a mean old woman who is just as delusional as her daughter.
I am frustrated. We will be going up there for this weekend (Columbus Day). I know there will be a time when we will probably run into FSS18. If FDH has to pick up the kids from exMIL's house, I will be sitting in the car... parked across the street from her house.
My sister is visiting from England with her baby at my mom's house (where we will be staying). I may not even bother going to the town where skids live. I may just stay at my mom's with my family.
You should spend the weekend
You should spend the weekend around people you love and who love you back. To hell with the steps, FH, & the rest of that crazy stepclan.
You do deserve a better life than this, my girl.
Cancel the wedding plans until he grows some balls and stands up to all these ex's in his life. I would not hang around for any more abuse.
Make him prove that he loves you and that he can stand up for you. Tell him that you need him to stand up for you while you are present and not behind your back.
Sorry...I must say this ...what an A$$HOLE! You must really love him to still be there...
Lots of (((hugs)))
MG
I agree if it brings you
I agree if it brings you down, they are winning. I know i used to feel like this too, almost like another failure on my part(2nd marriage) that i was afraid of. I used to try so hard to do something different to make it better, now i just take care of myself, my feelings, and my happiness. The same dynamic, a new me and I will have my DH whom I love soooo much.