Start the Waterworks!!
So, the battle of the disgusting bedroom continues. I went to a psychologist on Thursday who basically told me to stop trying. She advised I step back and let DH do whatever he wants with the skids. Not my problem. I was on the way to embracing that.
Friday evening, DH goes into SD16's room and tells her to do her laundry (this is his definition of "clean your room"). I guess she didn't like him telling her b/c after he left her room, it sounded like she threw something across her room. IDK!!
He brings her into our bedroom; she's crying; black makeup all over the place. Bottom line: she's not right; there's something wrong with her; "how come mom picked another man over me?" Ugh.... I'm just like, 'i don't give a shit.'
BACKGROUND: SD16 used to live with mom until mom's live-in BF sent SD sexual texts. DH had her move in with us (didn't ask me and I didn't oppose).
DH asks me to join them in that disgusting room to 'TALK.' SD says absolutely nothing. Daddy is advising she talk to mom and tell mom how she feels. SD says nothing!! I'm standing there telling her she needs to speak or put up with it. Blah blah blah
The ROOM STAYS A DISGUSTING DISASTER!!!
I told DH: She's gonna do it every time you ask her to do something that she doesn't want to do. She's done this to me ONCE!! Turn on the water works, start talking about something else, use the opportunity to whine about how pitiful her life is...blah blah blah.....
He's gonna hit the roof when I tell him I'm not paying for anything that supports those skids -- nothing. I'm tired of being emotionally exploited.
I'm good enough to help pay the bills, pay for a lawyer to get custody of a 16 y/o brat, take care of the 16 y/o's stupid dog, clean the house.....but I'm not good enough to have those skids clean their rooms!!!
I've had enough!!!
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Comments
I love this idea. I've
I love this idea. I've seriously considered doing this at our home too. I refuse to clean up another person's mess who knows better or who has been repeatedly told to do something and refuses! Excellent!
Can you give some examples of
Can you give some examples of how he modified his reactions to teh manipulation? I would love to be able to answer my DH next time he says, "i don't know what to say".
LOL. Everytime my SS got
LOL. Everytime my SS got into trouble, he would tell DH and BM..."I think there is something wrong with me and I want therapy!"
Im' thinking your therapist
Im' thinking your therapist is right...and at 16 it's her room, let her live in her filth. That said I KNOW teens can be dramatic and also deflect from taking responsibility. But with all that I can't imagine being that age and knowing you are unwanted by both mother/woman figures in your life.
As to not payign for stuff I don't blame you..and to the mess, if your DH refuses to get them to clean up, then you can insist he hire a maid and he pays for it to clean up after them. You aren't it.
MY DH lets the waterworks
MY DH lets the waterworks roll. How do your DH's let SD know its not working or do they play into it and back of from them? I look right at my SD and say, "Waaaaa, honey pretend cry, waawaaa, cuz your crying aint gonna make be back off and feel sorry for ya like it does your dad", and everytime she stops right away and looks like an ass. I just wish my DH would do it.
Crayon, "SO nearly tried to
Crayon,
"SO nearly tried to break my arm (twisted it) to get me to "apologize" to the Droopster" You have got to be F-in kidding me?
He layed a hand on you in an effort to get you to appologize for enforcing rules on the kid?
If I was you the next time he is all tucked nice and cozy in bet tha I would crawn under the bed and staple she shits to the mattress then I would take a baseball bat to him. Once he quits squawking I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he will NEVER lay a hand on you again and that if he does that you will take the bat to his head the nextime he does.
Grrrrrrr, twisting your arm is not a thing a man would ever do to a woman he cared for.
Best regards,
Crayon, I read my response
Crayon,
I read my response above and realized that it had so many typos that I could not understand it .... and I wrote it. So, below is my do over.
I hope your SO has learned not to lay a hand on you ... until he is invited of course.
Best regards.
"SO nearly tried to break my arm (twisted it) to get me to "apologize" to the Droopster" You have got to be F-in kidding me?
He layed a hand on you in an effort to get you to apologize for enforcing rules on the kid?
If I was you the next time he is all tucked nice and cozy in bed I would crawl under the bed and staple she sheets to the mattress then I would take a baseball bat to him. Once he quits squawking I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he will NEVER lay a hand on you again and that you will take the bat to his head the next time he does.
Grrrrrrr, twisting your arm is not a thing a man would ever do to a woman he cared for.
Best regards,
"What do you want me to do"
"What do you want me to do" .... the classic BioParent repsonse when a Sparent demands effective parenting of the kids in the home.
"I want you to hold the child(ren) accountable, apply effective discipline, and be consistent in providing the child(ren) guidance".
I don't want much, JUST DO THE DAMNED JOB OF A PARENT FOR A CHANGE.
Does anyone think that the our BioParent spouses ever make the connection between their parenting and the kid's behavior? :?
It can't all be the fault of the blended family opposition.
Best regards,
I certainly feel badly for
I certainly feel badly for SD16. Before the idiot biomother's BF decided to send propositioning texts to SD16, SD16 lived with mom and mom's BF full-time. She had never lived with DH. Overnight, she went from living with her biomom to living with her dad and a woman she barely knew (me).
SO I UNDERSTAND THAT MY SD16 IS HAVING ISSUES. SHE SAYS SHE FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE GOING TO BIOMOM B/C "HE'S" THERE AND SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE HERE EITHER. SHE'S HAVING IT TOUGH LATELY.
What I don't get is why, if she's so uncomfortable, does she keep going and why, does she wait until she's told to clean her room to bring up deep rooted issues.
Something doesn't sit right with this issue. SD16 AND SS22 come from biomom's home happy, cheery, go straight to their room and act like everything is okay. Then I see SS22's girlfriend texting about the biomom's BF; talking about going out with him. SOMETHING DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.
Lastly, allowing children to do what ever they want because the have "issues" is NOT the right thing to do. Children need to do as their told as long as there's no form of abuse and they're being given love and support.
I get that she's not okay with the situation, so why does that give her permission to be disrespectful to me and her dad?
It absolutely doesn't give
It absolutely doesn't give her the right to be direspsectful to you. I will say though that I take a lot of mouth from my bio son when he comes back from a bad weekend. I let him vent on me, but don't let him personally attack me or disrepect me. So i like to say, that yes i am a punching bag sometimes for my bio kids, but definately not my skids, that is DH's job.
That's the thing. My own
That's the thing. My own biosons vent with me too. But I always remind them they can't disrespect me OR their dad. I won't condone them calling their dad names or telling me they're gonna disobey him b/c they don't agree with his rules. I always tell them: you live with your dad; it's his house so you follow his rules. I advise them to verbalize their concerns if they don't agree with something or if his GF treated them badly or made them uncomfortable.
But I still expect my biosons to do their chores, do well in school, and be respectful young people.