Need thoughts/opinions on buying a house with BF
BF and I have been living together for just over 2 yrs now and together close to 3.
We have been in an apt & BF has been wanting to buy a house with me for almost 2 yrs now. We are not engaged nor do we have plans to marry. I have always felt that I or we should be married to buy a house & have told him this for 2 years. Off & on BF has tried to convince me to buy a house and it has came up again. I am flustered and still feel that it would be right to be married to buy a house with someone - no sure why i feel so strongly - i just do. For the record - i am not trying to pressure marriage ... I am not in a hurry for that.
What are your thoughts/opinions on buying a house with someone you are in a relationship with vs someone you are married to?
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I don't have a joint acct or
I don't have a joint acct or any acct with him. Those i also won't do unless married.
Are you saying regardless of marriage that you should never buy a house jointly? I have told him to buy one on his own & i will rent, but i have been thinking about that and think if i put $ into it & then something happens to him - i will be out (money & the house) because i am not now nor do i think i would be a beneficiary in any aspect.
He is not pressuring me - it's just talk. Living in an apt so long is driving him crazy. haha
He could always make a will
He could always make a will and put you as the beneficiary of the house, if he decided to buy one on his own and you rent from him.
We talked about that. I think
We talked about that. I think he would put his kids as the beneficiary instead of BM and or me.
Then I would trust your gut
Then I would trust your gut instinct and NOT do it.
Another thing I was not aware of until recently. In certain states, even if you are married and don't have wills, if one spouse dies, half of the house could go to that spouse's children and if those children are minors, you could own half a house with a BM/BD!! :jawdrop:
Yes, this is true. My DH's
Yes, this is true. My DH's dad passed away earlier this year. Well, this dad was never involved in DH's life but chose to raise 2 skids as his own with wife#2. When wife#2 realized that she couldn't afford the mortgage with hubby gone, she decided to turn the house back over to the bank. But when hubby died, all 3 children (DH and 2 step-siblings) inherited his portion of the house so wife#2 had to ask all 3 adult children to signoff and agree to her actions through court documents. This happened in Missouri.
This is why a will is so
This is why a will is so important. When DH and I went for ours - the lawyer we were dealing with tried to get us to put the house in a way that if DH died half would go to me and half to SS - what our lawyer did not know was that I had just taken a real estate course and he was using the terminology that I had just learned but if I had not taken this course I would have just went along with him. I looked him dead in the eye and said so what you are saying is that if I put half of the money into this house and I work for the next 30 years to pay it off that if DH dies my SS gets 1/2 of the house - what are you nuts - (he was the lawyer that we got from Hubby's legal benefit at work) The lawyer told me that SS needed to be provided for in case hubby died - I told him if it was before SS turned 18 he would have quite a bit of SS (Hubby has always made great money) if it is after 18 then he is like everyone else - it's called an adult and get your own life and retirement fund going. I threw such a hissy fit that he would even suggest something like that. We have it that if DH dies I get the house if I die DH get the house - if we both die and DD and SS are younger than 23 all of the money goes into an account and my sister is the executor of the will. It is quite a bit because we have very big insurance policies. This way BM does not get 1 red dime from either us unless SS decides when he is 23 that he wants to give her some which I doubt he will - he likes the finer things in life just like his momma taught him - so he will have no money to give to her!!
I was with DH for about 6
I was with DH for about 6 years when I bought my 1st home. When we got married 2 years later, I asked him to sign papers declaring that he had no rights to my home (we live in a joint property state). We have been married for almost 8 years now and we have 2 bios together. The house is still mine, but my will states that DH gets the home if anything happens to me. I did this because I watched my mom struggle to keep a roof over our family's heads after my parents divorced. I will NEVER be dependant on a man.
I think you are right to be reluctant.
If/when I leave, I am giving
If/when I leave, I am giving him our house. It's paid for but it's also an hour away from where my work and my son's apartment are. I guess I am hoping that he won't cause me problems if I do that...
What about your share? If
What about your share? If the home is paid for even in a down housing market I would go for half if only to use as a bargaining tool if he gets nasty.
When my XW and I divorced it was uncontested and we used a single attorney. We leased the house on a lease/purchase that went bad and my XW decided she wanted the house. We agreed that she could have the house if she refinanced to get me off of the mortgage. She did not so 4yrs later when she wanted to sell the house .... I got half of the equity. It pissed her off but once the marriage is over anything we owned together became just another asset to me.
If she had refinanced as we agreed I would have given her all of the equity. Since she did not and I carrieds equal risk to her I got half. Her attorney argued that she had paid the mortgage for those four years so I should not get anything. My position was the I would have gotten half of the profit on renting it if she had not decided to take the house so .... I get half.
Her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy wrote me a check for $10K to get me to go away. After closing costs we cleared a total of $22K so basically I got the half that was mine. She got an extra $2K for the pleasure of paying the mortgage and dealing with the BS of selling it.
Don't walk away from the house. If it is not where you want to live, force the sell, take your $ and enjoy your new life.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
Yeah, I understand your point
Yeah, I understand your point completely but our house is not worth too much and I would rather give it up if that would make things go smoother...It is in a VERY small town so selling it is an iffy proposition at best.
Unless you form a business
Unless you form a business partnership to hold the property so both of your interests are protected .... no marriage license, no house.
IMHO of course.
My wife and I just closed on our new home a couple of weeks ago. She was on vacation during the whole process with the exception of the last week and at closing. All of the offer contracts, mortgage and title paperwork had to be ammended for her signiture during the closing. I for sure was not going to buy a home for us without her on all of the documentation. Primarily to avoid any issues with her ownership of the property should I meet an untimely demise.
But also to make sure that if something were to end our marriage other than death that both of us are protected. Not that this marriage is at risk. But since I do have an XW I know how property division can make a divorce much more contentious which was the case with my XW.
Just my thoughts.
Best regards.
I agree with the others --
I agree with the others -- one of you should try to get the house loan on your own and pay the other "rent".
My fiance bought a house with BM, whom he never planned to marry although he had children with her. Now it would cost $7,000 to get BM's name taken off of the house loan although she does not pay for it at all anymore. Also, if we were to get the house foreclosed for some reason, BM's credit would go to crap. Also, BM can't get another house loan to buy her own because her name is still on this one...debt to income ratio is too high.
Lots of negatives in this picture if you end up not marrying the guy and things go badly (which of course, we all hope things work out). Being that there isn't a bigger committment happening in the near future, I'd say this is TOO big of a committment to make.
I am really tired and about
I am really tired and about to pack up my entire house and move so this might come out bad but... NOOOOOOOOOO! Do not buy a house with your boyfriend! Do not tie up your finances in any way with anyone that you are not legally married to! NOOOOOOOOOOO. (......) NOOOOOOOOOO! And did i mention no?