For those of you with DH's- DF's or BF's with a DV or Protection order History
I was reading another blog and just wanted to put this out there for all to see. Please know that I'm not singling anyone here but this is a definite warning message from someone who has been through that hell one time.
For anyone who has married someone who had a TPO or PO of some sort. Do your homework!! I know in reading on these boards that many of you have some reall POS BM's to work with and some very shady characters...so consider this more as a "general safety advisory" if you may.
I know countless women who beleive everything there guy tells them about the ex....and don't research for themselves-years later they find out when it's too late that it was true.
If it was filed (TPO-PO, etc) w/the county there should be a way to access the records online or by visiting the courthouse. I would recommend doing so and seeing for yourself what's in the report. And I hate to say this but DV is actually quite common with those working in law enforcement, studies have placed it at 2-4 times more common then in general population.
If you sense your H is ever controlling with you in ANY way-or abrupt-or even emotionally/verbally agressive/abusive...do homework!
I know that some women lie about this and it's despicable-I also know that countless more are true and the guys (or gals) lie about them being false or them being falsely accused for personal gain. So be careful and smart, that's all I'm saying. I have personally experienced DV, been around countless DV victims in real life, online support boards, groups....this is a problem a lot more prevalent then you know-and many people can hide this side of them for years.
From personal experience-I had to file a TPO for my safety and the kids. I also have always worked full time, and my ex had/has a very low amount of CS to pay..not to mention the fact that he's only paid half of the years we've been divorced.
I know for a fact he told his family and his subsequent girlfriends that it was all a lie just to get him out of the house as I was seeing somebody else. I challenge anyone to go read the full report.
You guys may know your BM's from what your H say- don't believe everything you hear, especially from one you love if it involves violence. Do your research and then you can trust it.
I would have loved to warn my exh gfriends of the horrors I got-but he held in long enough w/them to make me appear lying/cheating one (which I never did-2yrs later he and his family were still waiting to see the man I left him for...pffft)...as for his exgf she eventually found out all on her own as she got a personal taste of the true him. Don't be foolish.
Personally if I hear over the top stories about the ex (she hit me-she cheated repeatedly etc..) it raises a red flag..to do my homework-even if it involves talking to the ex also. Most every time it is PROJECTION.
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And yes-that's my point.
And yes-that's my point. Homework can save people a lot of heartache down the line. Regardless of who the homework is on.
I appreciate the warning
I appreciate the warning because love can make a person blind.
When I first met DH and he told me BM was psycho and some of the stories. I took it with a grain of salt. I knew that I had an ex-BF (no kids with that guy, though) that turned me into a bit of a b*tch when we broke up. So I figured there are always two sides to the story.
Well, I didn't have to look up any criminal records for BM to show exactly what a freak she truly is. She would come out of the house screaming - practically frothing at the mouth - when we would come to pick up the skids. Poor little things (at that time) would sit with their eyes wide and not talk for at least an hour after that!
Then I tried to rationally and reasonably talk with her. Only to have her cuss me out and scream at me until she hung up the phone.
That's when I decided to pull her report and found out that, yes, everything else that DH told me was also true and there in black and white for the public to see.
Our BM did make this
Our BM did make this accusation, however then came back & admitted that she lied to make DH look to be unfit for custody. (This came out when DH was granted full custody & she was desparate to have visitation.) The skids are still confused as to whether he did or he didn't because she skews it to suit the current situation.
SS17 took DH to court too,
SS17 took DH to court too, claiming he was violent & abusive. This stemmed from an argument they got into about CS. SS17(14 at the time) made a habit of telling DH he didn't pay enough CS. DH would refuse to discuss it, & this last time SS threw in that he saw a check stub where BM paid $2600 when she was supposed to be paying CS. DH's finally snapped & told SS that he was tired of hearing he doesn't do enough & he doesn't pay enough, & I believe what followed was something like, "If your mother would get a job & make an effort to do her part for you my CS would be enough. No, your mother did NOT pay $2600 in CS. She didn't pay $1 in CS. HER mother paid $2600 to keep YOUR mother out of jail because she was THAT far behind on CS. We WILL NOT discuss this again." This took place at breakfast & we went to the gas station afterward. It was a prepay thing, so DH stood at the pump while SS & me went inside to pay.
Nothing was said after that. DH apologized & things were fine the rest of the weekend. SS was fine when he went back. Apparently, though, SS went over the situation with BM when he got back home, & when BM told the judge the story in court, it turned out that DH slapped SS in the face & told him never to ask him questions again, & then at the gas station DH went inside & was punching people in there & SS was terrified of him.
Ahhh, BM. You creative little thing!
I don't have that answer.
I don't have that answer. Over the years, with BM's lies & baiting, the system has taken it to DH's ass...seriously. Even so, though, DH will forever be able to say that he fought to the end for his kids. They'll never be able to say he walked away from them, or blame him for not being there. Between them & BM, they've made the choice not to have him in their lives.
Well shoot-the first and only
Well shoot-the first and only time my dad laid hands on me-I had cussed my mom out-was yeah about 16-17...got slapped in the face. I deserved it I'm sure. ADeville-you are dealing with one of the worst situation. Oh my goodness!