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I am a stepmom to a beauitful 8 year old daughter. Her father and I got married when she was turning 5 and she really doesn't remember me not being around. My Sdaughter actually lives with my inlaws full time because thats what was decided before I came into the picture and it really make things hard. She has bascily 3 families and 3 sets of adult she has to listen to and that is a big challenge because we are not all on the same page when it comes to parenting.
My newest issue just happened yesterday my mother-in-law and I took my SD to the dentist and she has to have some work done well my mother-in-law is excepting us to pay the full bill with no help from them and I don't think that is right they want her full time but don't want to full responibily of her. We have the insurance on her and get what ever she needs if they ask and they claim her every year on taxes and still don't want to help.
Sorry but this just isn't right!
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How often does your SD have
How often does your SD have visitation with you and how often does she have visitation with her BM?
Does your husband or the BM pay any type of CS to the inlaws for keeping SD? If not, then I would say that in-laws are correct in that the parents of SD should be paying for her medical expenses or at least helping out.
And I think they are correct in claiming her on their taxes as well, if she lives with them full time and they are providing food, shelter, and necessities for her throughout the year.
I agree that it must be hard for your SD to have 3 families. My SD is in the same situation. She went to live with BM's mother when she was just little and has chosen to live there ever since (she is 12 now) But she regularly visits, BM and her father (my hubby) believe it or not, she is a pretty well rounded kid who doesn't have alot of issues (for the moment... teenage years are yet to come!!)
Do your husband or SD's
Do your husband or SD's bio-mother pay child support?
NO one pays chid support the
NO one pays chid support the inlaws don't even have a legal right to keep her we just let her stay there because she is happy and that is all she has known we would love for her to come and live with us but we want it to be on her terms because we don't want to have to force the issue.
Yes I agree we should help with the medical but they should help too they seem to only want her when it is suitable for them anymore I think they are slowing pushing her to live with us which as I said would be cool with us.
My sdaughter is a very well behaved and smart little girl but you can really tell when she comes from the other parents house to ours because I don't let her get her way all the time she is 8 not 18 and she will not walk all over me. The BM really has nothing to do with her she only comes in and out of the picture once every couple of months.
Well if he's not paying
Well if he's not paying csupport and the inlaws are raising said child because NEITHER parent took responsibility-I'd say the least he can do is pay the full dentist bill...even if she's on the insurance.
They are the grandparents not the parents-they shouldn't have to have and parent her the whole time ...they shoudl be allowed to be in/out when it's convenient for them..they already did their job. In all this time your DH (now with you) didn't think it appropiate to go ahead and make the transition to have her move w/you guys and relieve your in-laws from having to raise his child???
So the BM is out of the picture...that doesn't absolve the other parent..she's a crap parent..ok...but what about your DH. The child SHOULD be living with him and he should be fully supporting her financially if the other parent isn't...(he can go after CS if he wants). I'm glad he's "open" to the idea at least.
The child is NOT the in-laws responsibility.
She needs to know that she
She needs to know that she has 1 stable home at least and it sounds like she doesn't even know herself. I think that either your dh needs to say I want her full time or tell the gma that they have her full time, it's one or the other. After that you can decide who pays what based on where she lives.
This bothers me. As an SM I
This bothers me. As an SM I don't feel I have any obligation to pay anything or do anything for a child I didn't give birth to. Now, I paid quite a lot and did everything for my SS - but I didn't *owe* that, I *chose* it.
The parents are morally and legally responsible for *every* expense and bit of work for this child. Not the grandparents or anybody else. The two people who created the child.
She's already living with the grandparents. They are spending a great deal of time and money just on the basis of that. How can you say they don't want to help? They're already doing way more than they're obligated to do, whether or not it's by your choice, theirs, or the child's.
I agree - if the parent's aren't paying CS to the grandparents who are paying for and supervising the child full time, then it's the least they can do to cover uninsured medical.
L
2nd, Welcome to the
2nd,
Welcome to the community. I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and get some useful advice from others who are navigating the challenges of blended family life.
I think that the primary issue you are dealing with is that a child should never get to decide where and with whom they live. In my opinion of course.
That said, if your ILs are raising her in their home on their dime then your DH needs to step up and pay the entire dental bill.
I would recommend having your daughter (your SD) live in your home. The current situation lends itself to a very confused, angry and manipulative young lady when SD gets in to her teens and later. Teens can reek havoc playing two families against each other. Three can only be worse.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,