Can you think of a way DH could talk to SD5 WITHOUT having to talk to BM at all?
So, if any of you have read my past blog(s), I've stepped out as the "middle man" between DH and BM because I hate that bitch, I called her a whore, and I really just didn't want to do it anymore. Because of this, DH hasn't spoken to SD5 since June (because of course, BM NEVER EVER calls us for SD to speak to DH).
He was telling me last night that he really misses SD and would like to talk to her, but he just can't make himself do it because he absolutely does not want to speak to BM.
So I ask you STalkers...can you think of any way that DH could call and talk to SD, WITHOUT having to speak to BM? Especially seeing as how SD is so young. SD is 5 and will be 6 at the end of November.
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We live 1200 miles away from
We live 1200 miles away from SD and BM. BM's mother is just as crazy and ass backwards as her, so that's really not an option. For a while I had a good relationship with BM's soon to be ex-inlaws (they hate her with good reason), but there's been a communication breakdown somewhere. Not sure what's going on, but I'm wondering if they jumped ship to BM's boat or more likely, BM won't let them see SD and they don't want to tell me they don't have that connection anymore.
Maybe we could do the third option? Will have to see how much something like this would cost.
Thanks.
Sounds to me that he needs to
Sounds to me that he needs to bite the bullet and just call BM in order to talk to his daughter. Depending on how much knowledge she has, perhaps he can have SD write down his phone number and keep it somewhere safe, and she can call him??? That depends on a lot of factors (SD knowing her numbers well enough, knowing how to dial a number, BM letting her use the phone, etc) but it might be worth a shot?
If she were older he could get her a track phone or something so she could call him. Until then, your H has to do something -- make an attempt to call BM and talk to SD or you are risking losing that relationship.
I agree, but I don't think
I agree, but I don't think that he ever will. His mother won't even call to talk to SD because she doesn't want to talk to BM either, but yet she talks about missing her all the time. Bleck.
I remember another poster at
I remember another poster at one time said that they got their skid(s) a phone specifically for a young child that had buttons that were pre-programmed with certain phone numbers (they said so the BM wouldn't be able to use it). Maybe look into getting something like that. I am sure even a 5 y.o. would be able to push the Daddy button when she wanted to talk...?
I've looked into this too,
I've looked into this too, and it actually looks like a really neat idea. I think there are four programable buttons, so it would easily be DH, DH's mom, DH's aunt, and maybe me, although that may be crossing a boundary I don't want to deal with. I haven't actually been able to FIND the phone though. Just articles ABOUT the phone. Frustrating!
Go to www.fireflymobile.com
Go to www.fireflymobile.com the phone they have is $49.00 and it very cool. It comes in pink and black.
It has 2 handsets on it and a mommy and daddy figure - only 4 buttons.
I JUST found this before I
I JUST found this before I read your post! Do you happen to have any experience with them? I'm trying to figure out if there is a "calling area" and what not.
I am wondering these things
I am wondering these things as well. I'm going to print out the info for the firefly phone and let my husband look it over tonight. He can decide how he wants to handle it and if he thinks it's even worth trying.
Part of me thinks that this will be a huge waste of money because the phone will disappear or whatever, but a part of me would like to try it at least for an option for SD to get in touch with DH and DH's mom (would be the other programmed number on the phone).
I don't know....
Hey if you go ahead with it
Hey if you go ahead with it and it bombs at least you Dh will know he tried something. He is hurting and should be allowed to talk to his daughter. If you get a court order then I would get the phone for her so he does not have to talk to BM!
I was also thinking along
I was also thinking along those lines too...her b-day is coming up...maybe we can get her her own phone instead of a "real" present. according to BM, she LOVES talking on the phone, so that would be good right lol.
Perfect - and BM can't say a
Perfect - and BM can't say a word because it is a present and she will only be able to call 4 numbers that it - so BM can't say it is too dangerous for her!!
If we do this, I will need to
If we do this, I will need to take bets on how long it takes for the phone to "accidentally" take a spill in the bathtub, toilet, drinking cup, whatever. Especially when BM realizes she will not be able to benefit from it at all.
Hee hee...that's exactly what
Hee hee...that's exactly what I was planning on doing. Giving it to her ready to go, with all the numbers programmed in that will be allowed and the parental pin in place...which BM will not know of course. lol.
No I just went and googled it
No I just went and googled it to try to help you. Call them - I am sure they are all over the country! Good luck!
Thanks Care
Thanks Care
Lastchance, I don't know if
Lastchance, I don't know if this suggestion will help you, but it worked for my BF.
My BF would call BM's house, of COURSE BM would always pick up the phone (knowing that it was my BF since it's on the caller ID, instead of just having skids answer it) and my BF would simply say "Let me speak to _________". That was it, plain and simple.
Also, I don't know all of the background facts about your situation. Isn't there some type of court order or language in their divorce decree that LEGALLY ENFORCES his right to speak to his child? If there is, and she's being an obstacle to their communicating, then the best thing for HIM to do is to take her to court ASAP.
I think that the longer this goes on (the father not being able to communicate with his child), the more "BM koolaid" she'll drink - you know "SEE? Daddy doesn't care about you, that's why he never calls", etc... Not good.
I swear that all of this Parental Alienation garbage REALLY needs to be criminalized...
Ok, this stalker has a
Ok, this stalker has a suggestion...hehehe.
If SD is close by and is in school now, DH can go up to the school and see her. If there is no court order then he could see her whenever he would like. It's not a ton of time, but if he maybe wanted to stop up there from time to time and chat for a minute he could do so and there is nothing BM can do to stop it.
Another suggestion, write down anything that happens btwn you, him and BM. It's nice to have a trail of things that happen. My DH was going back and forth with BM and nothing came out of it so he had to hire a lawyer. She was a good one w/an attitude, and I didn't like her, but she's mean on the stand and does her job which is what she is there for. Well, prior to him getting the lawyer I actually got into a fight w/BM. Was it NICE to actually punch her in the face. It's like yearsssssss of anger just released, but it did hurt my DH a bit. The lawyer told me to take a step back being the in-between person b/c this is THEIR son even though I was helping at first. So other than going to court and getting visitation the school thing is the one suggestion that I came up with other than involving other people.
I already keep track of all
I already keep track of all the communications...texts, phone calls, things we mail, etc. I have a notebook full of stuff because I too would like to nail her ass to the wall one of these days.
Good for you. It will help
Good for you. It will help in the future.
I'm thinking so. All the
I'm thinking so. All the texts asking for money because "she's broke and they have no food" or "SD can't breathe and I can't afford her asthma medication" or "she doesn't have ANY winter clothes and I need more money right this second because its the middle of december and i'm a complete dumbass...."
that last one may have been adlibed..... }:)
Unfortunately, I think your
Unfortunately, I think your DH needs to bite the bullet on this one, the longer the pissing match goes on, the worse it's going to get and the more alienated BM is going to make SD from her father (which I'm sure she is loving!)
Agreed. He does just need to
Agreed. He does just need to bite the bullet and talk to them, sadly I'm not sure he'll do this. I need to figure out a way to make him understand that he'll never get custody of SD if he doesn't even communicate with her! Him and MIL are in this deluded reality that they think that just because they have better more stable lives than BM, that if they truely tried, they would be awarded custody. They just don't get that that is not how things normally work.
You are definitely correct
You are definitely correct there. My DH and I had a very stable life compared to BM. Plus BM has a history of mental illness.
We talked with our lawyer regarding going for custody right before our court hearing where they charged BM with Contempt of Court for refusing visitation. Our lawyer advised against it saying that we would spend a LOT of money and only have a little chance of it being successful.
Exactly. Sometimes I think
Exactly. Sometimes I think money would be better spent being set aside for the day that BM doesn't want SD anymore (you know, when she's no longer 'cute', has a mind of her own, and is basically a royal terror for BM) and using it for the therapy SD is going to need after all the shit BM has put her through...but that's just my opinion.
like your signature quote
like your signature quote