What would you do?????
I had my husband cremated. It was my decision, but his parent's paid for it. There was no way I could have ever afforded ANY kind of anything. I have his ashes still. The plan was that someday, I would spread them up in the mountains at our favorite camping spot. I'm not sure when 'someday' will be. Definitely not before the baby is born. Probably when I can NOT have a panic attack at the thought of loosing one more piece of him. Who knows when that will be...
His mom and aunt want to put him in the ground in a cemetary. I do not want this, and I'm pretty certain my husband would not have wanted this either. To me, cemetaries are so impersonal. So public. So uniform. Nothing like my husband was. They're places that people are put, where they're eventually forgotten about. Selfishly, I also don't want him there because it's his "families" plot and I want us to be together when I can finally join him. I want our bodies to rest in the same place and I want that to be in the mountains.
I am not sure how to proceed at this point. I don't want to hurt his mom and his aunt, but I also don't want to put him in a cemetary. Is the decision mine alone, or do I have to take their feelings into consideration? I feel like they'll say that I didn't know him for long and that they should get to decide. That their his blood and I am not. I don't know if that's what they'll actually say, but I fear it. I feel a distancing of them from me, like I'm loosing them. It makes me sad because I don't want to loose them too, but I also don't want to bury him. What to do? What to do?
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I agree the the post above
I agree the the post above this is your choice no one else's. I know that when I go and if my mom is still alive she will throw a fit about me being cremated but it is what I want. Do what you know is in your heart that your dh will want you to do. ((hugs)))
Share the ashes so his family
Share the ashes so his family can bury some in a place they want to go visit and sit to talk to him and feel that they'll one day join him. Then you take the other half to spread in your special places and join him as well. I completely understand both positions. At a time like this there's no right or wrong, just compromise for those who are left behind. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's hard.
I had considered that, but it
I had considered that, but it seems...creepy and wrong to me. I may be able to get myself "over" it, but right now, seperating the ashes out like that feels to me like saying "ok, you can have a finger and here's a big toe for you." I don't know. It just feels weird.
You take his heart and give
You take his heart and give mil his big toe then
Can you save up (okay, it's
Can you save up (okay, it's expensive) and... There's places that will take ashes (or locks of hair) and create diamonds - they call them memorial gems. (www.lifegem.com)
I've thought of doing this with our hair for wedding jewelry - some people might think they're a bit creepy to do with ashes, but it's a much more portable way of keeping him with you.
For one, I am sorry about the
For one, I am sorry about the lose of your husband.
Two, I have a friend that is going through a "similar" situation. Her father passed away some years ago, her family had him cremated.
Well my friend and her mother want to spread his ashes on a mountain top, his other daughter (my friend's half sister) feels that the ashes should be placed in an urn and set somewhere to rest (ie: her house).
This has become a vicious battle in my friends life. Her half sister actually has hidden the ashes at this point and refuses to give them up.
This may sound terrible, but would it be possible to come to a compromise? A splitting of the ashes? That may sound terrible and I would never intend to offend. It is just a suggestion being thrown out. I can't imagine many things harder than that.
I think you shouldn't even
I think you shouldn't even worry about it until your "someday" comes. You'll be ready for it then and know what to do.
Lots of people have their
Lots of people have their ashes put in more than one place. I don't think sharing them is creepy at all.
Some people really need somewhere to go to visit their deceased loved ones...and like someone said above, your child may want a place to go to visit someday. I think it would be very kind of you to let them have this.
I personally would love my own ashes spread in the mountains someday, but I wouldn't mind at all if part of me was put into a cemetary, if it mattered that much to someone who loved me.
Agreed. From the beginning
Agreed. From the beginning they said my husband wasn't really with his body anymore, but now they want to burry his ashes. If it's a spot they want to go to talk to him, why don't they just erect a tombstone. I talk to him all the time, no matter where I am. I'm pretty sure people think I'm crazy, but I don't care. I am crazy. I think it's social standards that tell them he needs to be buried.
He is your husband. The
He is your husband. The choice is yours to make. If you're not ready to make a choice, don't. You can be certain he is resting well with you & I assure you he will until you feel ready to take another step.
I prefer to be able to visit my loved ones in a cemetary. It gives me a place away to get away to, where I can just go be alone with "them" & cry, pray, talk...whatever I want & need to do. It gives me a place away from telephones & TV's & doorbells where I can just share my thoughts with the ones I miss dearly.
I understand that is only my preference. If you want to have your husband's ashes in your home, keep them there. If, at some point, you decide you want to spread them over a place the two of you shared memories, you can do so.
You have a lot on your plate. There's no reason you have to make your choice now. This can wait as long as you need it to. Do whatever brings you peace & makes you feel good. (((Hugs)))