WOW just wow. Dh and I talked about college and we both agree that all the kids have to pay for it themselves!

Your ss CAN get a degree it does NOT depend on if daddy dearest pays or if ss pays! Why can't some people get that????

When did student loans and work programs become dirty words?????

Why is ss still in school at 23....is he going for his masters?

I'm sorry but a parent paying for the kids education is NOT a given. The little brats just think they deserve everything handed to them, excuse me spoon fed.

I was on the 11yr undergrad plan. 7 majors, 7 schools ...... one undergrad degree with more than 240 semester hours on my transcripts when I finished my BS.

I was looking for what I loved to do. Mom and Dad paid for my first two years, I paid for the middle 7 years then they helped with the last two. Other than the first two years I worked, started a business, sold the business and worked some more. I worked and took out loans for the last two years.

My MBA was covered by my employer. It took me 4 years to finish my MBA which should have taken 22mos. But, I was on the reimbursement pace of what my employer would cover.

My wife did her undergrad in 4.5 years of classes. She did take a year and half off after we married.

I too believe that education or intense training is imperative for our kids. However, my wife and I are not spending a penny of marital resources on our son's (my SS's) college education until he proves that he is serious, will perform and he earns it. We flushed way too much money on his intermittent effort during HS to throw good money after bad for college until he grows up. I will fund a degree for him but he can find himself on his own dime. I also will not pay for any degree that is not economically viable. No degrees that results in him bar-tending after graduation. He gets to major in Business, Engineering, ummm, business, engineering, nursing, business, engineering, ..... unless he pays for it himself. Then he can major in whatever he likes. }:)

So, it is off to the Marine Corps for him. Four years of learning to adapt, overcome and to build maturity and confidence should be just about right to get him to the point that his mom and I are comfortable enough to invest in his college education.

I know, I don't have the most supportive or reasonable opinion on this topic but I refuse to fund even two years (like my parents did) until he shows me that it would not be a waste of money.

Best regards,

:O Yikes!

I'm guilty too, as a BM b.c. all I want out of my life is for my DD is to graduate & then launch. I really don't see her having any viable future w/o a degree. She's on her 3rd major, and said in May "I'm not that passionate about my major, can I switch?". I did say No. I was so proud of myself too. So she's taken 6 years-w/total support, and this will be her last semester. I admit its more my dream than hers possibly, but that's how I feel in my heart. Your DH may also feel that way. I would not STAND for her owing any money for this dream either, she's my only child for God's sake. And living with the swins I surely want my money to go to her. Obvious there's alot of fault w/my line of thought vs her dad who moved away when she was 10 & offers no help w/her college, etc. b.c. he believes she should be self-sufficient. And my DH stays out of it - doesn't help or hurt which I'll gladly reciopricate by not engaging when his twins go to college.

Does anyone here think that if this kids had to pay for college on their own - they might know what they want to be in 4 years instead of 6 or 7 - Rags you are a special case and I am not referring to you -lol. What kid would not like to go to school for 6 or 7 years and have their parents and usually it is the DH foot the bill.

Also a student loan is an awesome way to build credit - and when someone has to work and pay for something they seem to appreciate it more.

It's awesome when parents want to pay for college and can afford it. However, I have seen very few kids with much motivation when that happens. Can you say 4 year party? (I am sure there are exceptions.) My approach (and I have two college educated DDs, the oldest is now getting her master's), is for a mix of student paying, parents contributing, and financial aid, including scholarships and loans. Both my DD's owned less than $15,000 when they were done. Some poor kids owe $40-100,000! The major has to have employment opportunities attached that will mean that the kid can repay loans. I've seen a lot of people with very expensive educations who can't get jobs that pay much more than minimum wage. Example, with my two years of accounting (4 year degree was in process), I earned more at a bank than 2 recent grads of the private college down the street. One of my personal goals was to have my DDs get a degree. Fortunately we were able to do that without bankrupting me or them.

I think kids should definitely help, they would work harder if it was their dime. SS is 12 and I have a feeling he is going to be one of those who waits a few years to go. I guess that good news for us because we can actually chose how much we want to contribute as opposed to being forced to foot the biggest part of the bill.

My parents paid for my first two years of college-I paid for the last two of my bachelor's and 2 years for a masters. With student loans, grants, and parttime jobs. At age 21, while still in college I had moved in with my fdh and I was self-supporting. It makes me ill when I hear parents are still supporting there 23 year old "kids". I paid back all my loans and am proud of it. I did get grants my last two years of undergrad because I was self supporting and they looked at my part time income (I think the rule for that was if noone else claimed you on taxes they would assume you were self supporting and go only by your income).

I wouldn't say my parents didn't help me at ALL (my dad would fix car issues and my mom bought a lot of clothes/toys for my son since I didn't get CS) but I worked and took out student loans for both my degrees.

Hopefully after CS is done, "we" can ramp up my student loan payments...!

Coming from personal experience I will say that your SS will take it more seriously when you cut the cord. I went to college straight out of High School with no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up & with my parents footing the bill I did 3 semesters of whatever the easiest classes were. I dropped out & went to work, 10 years later I am back on my own dime and am just amazed at these 19 year olds in school...texting under their desks, not showing up to class, not doing their work. I talked to a girl in my math class who has been taking 2 classes a semester for years because while she is in school her mom will foot the bill. Said she doesn't care if it takes 10 years to graduate. This is the 3rd time she's taking the same math class because she doesn't do the work or pay attention. Now that I am paying my own way it's completely different, I'm invested in it. Maybe your SS needs to take some time off too, work some minimum wage job for awhile & figure out what he wants on life. I wouldn't recommend taking 10 years like I did though.