Any advice on what I should do at this point.
Here is my situation-I have been dating tmy husband now for going on 4 yearsand married 2 years in feb. 2011. He has been divorced with two children now for almost 6 years in Feb. When I met him he was not married or even with her in the least. At the beginning I met his ex wife for the girls, I was vrey nice to her I wanted to make sure everything would be civil and kind for the girls. (i never have been with any man that had kids before him). She seemed nice but about after 2 months of dating him she started with the I don't want her talking to my girls and we are their parents not her. I didn't think anything of it I just let things go I figured she is jusrt bitter. well things have gotten worse, we have married since and have two girls of our own together now and she is just a nightmare, examples of what she is like- i will wash her clothes that she send the girls ove rin and put in the bag to go back to her home and she will call me the b-word and say tell her not to wash my damn things, ( we have 50-50 custody_ they go back and forth all the time and we all argued to return others items to each's home-well nayways, i will do their hair she will get pissed and yell at the kids, she is so bitter i don't get it I didnt step into this relationship and break them apart. I am just a bystander. it truly hurts that she is so mean when I am so good to her girls . i do a lot with them and for them, my husband has been in court now going on 3 years almost our entire relationship with a battle with her because she doesn't want me involved at all. it has been hard on the relationship at alot of times and now I am am the end of what Ican take from her. she has ot won the custody battele but now is looking to get more money because she hates the fact that he has someone in his life. she told the court she doesn't want me at any appointments, school things, basc. doing anything for the girls.. I am their step mom and she makes it like I dont care for these girls. you know everytime we are together they say their mom calls me names etc. this is hard for them too. i do their laundry, homework with them, buy them clothes, take them places, do their sleepovers, cook for their classrooms, i do a lot for them. you would think she would be happy that they have a good step mom and not a loser for a step parent. she wears her ring from my husband around me all the time-isnt that just crazy, i don't know what to do-now she want to meet with my husband once a week in couselling and wants to meet twice a week at a public place to talk to him i just don' tget this it is kinda senseless since they have tried this last year and she did not follow through with anything that these couslors put out there to agree upon. i persoanlly think she is trying to break us up-well it feels like it is almost to that point,,,,,how much is it till it is enough to handle. please help me .
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Yes you are officially a step
Yes you are officially a step mom, you have a psycho BM.
First of i am sorry , you have to go trough this.
Now
your DH should stop going to counseling with her or meeting her alone.
It is very important that you to stand together and let her know, you to are a couple, your married, and NOBODY is going to break you to up, NOBODY is going to dictate your life.
Why is she getting her way?? you are the wife.
sooner or later she will realize she cant break you to up and she wont get her way.
We had the exact same situation with BM, she didn't want me around, i am a good step mom, she didn't care, she didn't want to talk to me or even see me... ( It was really ridiculous)
So i told her flat out : this is my Husband, my family, you will not dictate our life, i will come to pick ups and drop of, and i will be at school functions and soccer training, If you don't like it, to bad , you are not going to get your way, you are not going to cut me out.
She didn't like it but DH stands behind me so there was not much she could do LOL
funny you say that about
funny you say that about saying that to your bm. I went to an appointment with the youngest of their two and met the bm there because my husband was at work still and it was our day. and at the appointment right in front of the nurse she said you are not suppose to be here to me and I told her what, she said the courts told him you cant be here I turned and loomed at her and said (my first time sticking up to her) I said is it in writing, she said not yet and then I said well I will be here for these girls iuntil that day so deal with it! I am in their life to i am their step mom and care and shoudld know what is going on too. she sisnt like that too much. thanks for replyinmg to me-i am just so sick of it, i don't want ot go throuhg another year like last year wit hall the meeting and games she plays just o tbe with my husband and trys to destory us. I honeslty dont care about the meetings but they are senseless wwhen she doesnt follows what she agrees to and the $$$ cost of the cousorts is just too much. besdide sthat the lawyers fees are getting to be just out there. i love my husband but i just cant make it through another year of this./.... she makes me feel like i am a nobody to my husband and the kids. and now it is just getting ot be i dont want to be around any of them because ui know that they know all the bad things she is saying.... do you kinda understand or no? well thank you i do fell alittle better from your post.
Wow! Remove the fact that my
Wow! Remove the fact that my dh and I don't have kids together and our stories match perfectly lol. Did your dh also do things for bm before you came into the picture? I had to put a stop on that. Our issue was that bm wanted her cake and to eat it too and I wouldn't let her have it that way. Bm and dh had been divorced almost two years when I met dh but I have been accused for breaking them up and sd14 honestly believes this. I agree with what has already been said on the counciling. You and your dh are a family now, there is no reason whatsoever for him to goto Counciling with the bm. Our bm tried that too and even called it family counciling. She also used to expect dh to visit the kids at her house. Anything she could do to be able to spend time with him herself. Dh also has 50/50 joint custody. Since the kids were having adjustment issues thanks to bm with me being here, we put a stop to close going back and forth. I try to make sure the clothes they wear here are the same ones they wear back to bm's. That takes care of any clothing issued. Our bm will not buy the kids new clothed and I refuse to let dh buy clothes that we will never see again. Also with the kids in school, we have the exchange set so we can actually go weeks if nit months that we don't even have to see bm now. Our bm was a control freak and when she pulled her last crap we went to court and took all control away from her. When she relized we were going for full custody, she got very agreeable and signed papers so we never actually had to go before a judge. Her next fit will cause her to loose custody because we have had it with her crap.
Did your dh also do things
Did your dh also do things for bm before you came into the picture?
Oh yes, another reason for her to make you the hated enemy! My DH would be a free babysitter whenever BM would go out. This was how he got to see his kids. But BM's stipulation was that he would only get to see their kids at HER house. So he would ride his bicycle about 10 miles one way to watch his kids.
Of course, when I came in the picture, I couldn't BELIEVE he didn't have a court ordered visitation set up. He didn't even realize his rights as a BD! So that definitely made me the devil's daughter for BM!
Yes! The only thing that was
Yes! The only thing that was listed concerning visitation in the divorce decree was that he could see the kids any time he wanted but with prior notice. Well prior notice is easy to avoid. Just don't check emails or turn off the phone etc. When I read over the decree the first time I couldn't believe how screwed my husband got. His reply when I asked him was that he just went along with what she wanted because he didn't want to fight over everything. She is the one who decided she didn't want to be married any more so HE moved out and then to top it off, he continued to pay her bills at the house. Of course he couldn't get another place because he was already supporting the house that he nolonger lived in.
she is so bitter i don't get
she is so bitter i don't get it I didnt step into this relationship and break them apart. I am just a bystander.
I always say, it's like BM thinks I stole him right out of her bed!
It's not that you are a homewrecker, it's that you are the target. Now, anything that BM doesn't like WILL be blamed on you. If DH decides to stand up for himself and take his balls back, it's because YOU are in the picture. If skids develop interest in different activities, it's because YOU are poisoning their minds. If CS is a couple of days late, it's because YOU kept DH from turning it in on time.
It's easy to make someone you don't know the scapegoat anytime you don't get your way.
BTW, our BM made all sorts of ridiculous demands as well, "I do not want HER to be on my property!" when I would pull into the driveway for pick ups. "I want DH to come to the DOOR to get kids, NOT just wait in the car." Of course when DH complied, she would try to get him to come INSIDE because the kids were never ready. "I don't want HER driving MY kids around." OMG, my DH didn't even have a license at the time and she knew it. But to placate her (back then I thought it would help - ha!), DH would switch with me a block away from BM's place and then switch back a block away. Skids thought this was very funny.