Done with men with children?
Just wondering how many of you REALLY think you'd totally swear off men with kids if things ended with your current men.
One other thing...isn't it ironic that there are only two men really on this website? I know women are more communicative by nature, but it really makes me wonder if most of the problems with stepfamilies come from the man side of things...the crazy BMs we all have, etc.
I am feeling so frustrated with the general romantic outlook for the future with being my age and the prospect of dating another man with kids and an effed up ex wife, PITA MIL, financial stressors, it makes me want to just completely swear off men.
Thanks for listening, sorry for the vent.
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At my age, I don't think I'd
At my age, I don't think I'd meet anyone interesting who doesn't have children! 50 year olds who have never married or reproduced are probably reluctant to make commitments--I know I am generalizing but hey...
I thought about it. There are
I thought about it. There are still a few my age without kids, and then again I considered going old enough where the kids were out of the house (it sounds like not that much changes in some cases, though).
I have also found it interesting that there aren't as many men on this site as women. I'd think it would be more difficult for stepdads, as mother usually end up as CP and in general, men tend to make more money, therefore I 'd also think that men would have more issues with financing a blended family as they have more of an ability to actually do it...
...or maybe we women are just whinier, lol.
i agree with stepkate, im
i agree with stepkate, im suprised there are only 2 guys on here, atleast that post alot. i know if me and my dh were to ever divorce or whatever, i know i would chose to date a single man with no excess drama! lol. my sd isnt really the problem, its bm!
I've already decided that if
I've already decided that if things end with my dh that in the least I won't even consider dating at all till my last bio is grown and out of the house. And then when I do date again if the men have kids they better be out own there own too and show that they will continue to be on there own. I have had it with this type of stress. You tell someone about being overly stressed and they look at you and tell you to try and minimize the stressors or to avoid them. With skids and bm's that is almost impossible!
I'd want them completely out
I'd want them completely out of school, college included. Just because they are living on a college campus doesn't mean they are on their own.
I guess I'd date someone who
I guess I'd date someone who had kids who had launched, done with college, busy with their own lives. The kids would have to be stable and working. I am 40 so that means I'd have to wait a while or date someone significantly older or find someone younger who is single without kids but I am not really interested in having more kids. As someone else said, I won't include my kids in any future relationships; if I date it will be between me and the man, that's it, no living together with my kids or his ever ever ever again. I'm not ever going to be up for the blended family thing again. It seriously was never once worth it.
It's depressing. I should just forget about dating etc. and focus on trying to be happy alone because I don't think I even want to try again with anyone.
That's how feel. I really
That's how feel. I really doubt I would ever consider dating again. I've got my kids so what would I need another man for? I can only see just more unnessisary stress from future relationships. I have been so stressed from this shit that I have a rash constantly all over my body. I have been to enough doctors and have eliminated enough things to prove it's not contact alleges. I have had it since I moved in here and it's worse when the bm is pulling shit or when the skids are here which has been everyother week since end if January this year.
Hi, you may have excema,
Hi, you may have excema, which I also developed for the first time as a newlywed, when SD came to visit! It is definitely stress related!! sorry dear
I have dated guys without
I have dated guys without kids and that can be a problem too if you have bios. Dating a guy with kids has its good points-- at least they understand the commitment. With that said, I would never marry or live with a guy again, period. Ever. The relationship would be limited to date nights and weekends, vacations, quiet dinners at home when they kids are away. Good times and sex.. no stress.
I would be upfront about it and if they are seeking more, I understand, go seek it.
TOO funny!! I did interview
TOO funny!!
I did interview my DH before we committed to even starting a relationship that involved the kids. I asked all the questions that were important to me. We dated for about 5 months before introducing the kids. I said no, kids do not exactly enhance a relationship.. We laugh about that now.
Turned down two proposals until we could agree on a parenting plan. All was well until the little pecker-heads turned 13-14... and at 18 & 19 they haven't moved on from that self-centered world!!
My favorite time was on vacation I was hiding out, holding my head crying... thinking what the eff am I doing and why... he finds me and starts singing.. I never promised you a rose garden... I cracked up laughing and said You never said it was going to be constant poison ivy either. DH is a whistler and even now when I get my undies bunched up, he will start whistling the song.
I dint always keep my sense
I dint always keep my sense of humor.. Like Stepinsanity: rashes, hives... blah blah blah.
Probably multi-factorial. Consumerism is wide-spread. and a contributing obstacle. Definitely guilty parenting and helicoptering, which occurs in other so-called *normal* homes. Some divorced parents create little victims, err, manipulators by competing and undermining the other parent. Someone here the other day.. I'd love to give credit.. said it perfectly... perhaps the kids do not know which personality they need to be when they are with the "other" parent--something to that effect. It is true.
My skids are PAS children.. EXCEPT now they think they can come here and trash BM to get DH to roll over.. I plainly say: you will not talk about your mother like that in my house. DH who has been the targeted parent and read PAS books and articles.. will say the same thing.
Deprogramming the little ingrates, if possible, will be tough.
Your DH sounds like a great
Your DH sounds like a great guy. I know at least growing up in our household that laughing was better than crying. I am always making fun of myself or a stupid situation.....it would be awful not to be able to. Great stress outlet, good for you guys!
My relationship just ended
My relationship just ended and I think I'm done with men with kids. I have no bios and want to find a guy who doesn't already have kids but wants them. I guess never say never but I'll try and avoid it.
wow, it's been 8 months? I
wow, it's been 8 months? I was already reading here back then. How old are you? I'm 31 and I'm finding it's getting harder to meet men without kids. Luckily, because I'm in the city, it's a little easier. I actually am the type who loves kids...but it just seems to add so much more difficulty to a relationship with the kids and ex's.
ps...I loved that post from you a few months back talking about the strangers coming up to you to give you messages. If I lived closer to you, I would totally hang out in real life.
I know you don't know much about me because I haven't posted all that much, but we're a lot alike.
DPW!! Has it been 8
DPW!! Has it been 8 months? Wow the time flew... I am thinking that you decided to stay in your home? Did you take it off the market? Sorry to hijack... Just reading that it has been 8 months made me wonder all of these things!
As far as the "men without kids" question... I think it has less to do with whether a man does or does not have kids. I think it has everything to do with how he parents his children, and how he treats BM and what boundaries he has with her.
DH and I have already agreed
DH and I have already agreed on this, my two boys are 33 and 21, they are out and on their own and NO they cannot come home. His boys are 14 and 9, we have already told them, we will help support you through college, otherwise you had better have a good job when you get out of high school. Come visit, we'd love to see ya, don't bring suitcases though!
Thanks for sharing the
Thanks for sharing the information. I am very amazed at the confidence level of you guys, so i have to refer your blog to my friends because it’s really a help full blog.
Well being I am a man with
Well being I am a man with little bio kids,I don't blame any of you . My ex (psycho bio mom ) has made it clear that she is going to make my new life a living hell. I am praying that she finds someone soon and stops all of her evil doings. It will always be a problem with her. If it is not pick up, it is drop off. If it is not cell phone, it is house phone. She does not hear the answer to stop . I have gone all the way to just throwing up my hands and getting my kids emancipated. The little time we spend together is almost always destroyed by the evil bm. So sad people have to act this way.