You are here

have you ever told your partner you dislike their child and one other question...

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Sun, 01/23/2011 - 9:47am

...is your partner overprotective of their children? And if they are overprotective, are they overprotective of an only child?

Just curious and trying to make peace with what I went through so I can move on and prevent a similar situation in the future. Thanks.

Comments

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sun, 01/23/2011 - 11:00am

Yes - to both questions. It is bad enough when HD is protective but I think with an only child it is worse. Plus many only children are the center of attention so do not take very kindly to sharing Daddy. SD36 has never gotten over the divorce and has been a pain in the ass. If this is the situation for you, INSIST that HD or SO inform them that they must respect you in your home.

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Sun, 01/23/2011 - 11:19am

dh is especially over protective of ss15 because he reminds dh of himself so god forbid i say anything about that child. which makes me hate him even more. there is nothing special about either child but to DH they are going to be the earths' gift to all of us. dh thinks ss17 is a wonderful artist. i dont see it but whatever. i dont say anything of my opinion to dh or his family anymore. i keep my thoughts to myself and share with this website or my family who thinks it's funny because they have seen his art ability. but hey - picasso made it big so maybe that'll be where this kid gets lucky

Freedom2005's picture

Submitted by Freedom2005 on Sun, 01/23/2011 - 12:28pm

I have not told him I don't like his kids. I go back and forth anyway. Not really one direction.

However, to your next question. Without a doubt he is more protective of SD11. He says, "I don't want her ending up on a pole, SS13 is fine..." Uh huh... that is why SS14 is always in trouble with him, SD11 never is and SS14 is the one on Zoloft! SD11 is on Daddy love....

Burns my britches1!!

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Sun, 01/23/2011 - 12:33pm

I have told DH I didn't like his youngest son's behavior and that DH was allowing youngest SS to behave this way, I never told him I disliked his kid.

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Sun, 01/23/2011 - 2:22pm

Thanks for you answers. I am trying to be kind to my exbf but I don't think he understands I'm totally done. He knows how I feel about SD I think (that I don't like her) and there are very valid reasons why, but to be fair, my problem with SD is largely d/t BM and exBF overcoddling her, being overprotective, and over-reacting to normal developmental struggles. My kids are older than SD and I am at the end of my parenting journey, so I feel I have enough experience as a mom to know it doesn't need to be the way it is with SD. WTF ever.

The bottom like is I don't like SD. I am not going to get over it, esp. not with the current custody arrangement. Maybe over time I could be ok with it, if it was more like EOWE but honestly, I can't see it getting any better when she gets older, based on reading other people's experiences here, my own experience as a mother, and knowing how difficult the teenage years are -- even for "normal" kids with "normal" bioparents. My exbf thinks that somehow all of Sd's emotionality and drama is going to be resolved by the teen years and that she won't be fazed by the middle school years. Ok buddy! Why would an oversensitive, overprotected child suddenly master it all at such a difficult developmental stage. I don't want to go through it. Maybe I am wrong in my estimation of the situation, but I don't think so.

At any rate, I do love him and feel like it should be a deal breaker that I dislike his SD and was wondering if I needed to just say it. He deserves more than someone who dislikes his child and I deserve more and want to be with someone who can take a more objective, realistic view on parenting -- among other things. It's too much for me! I'll always be triggered and quite frankly, I'd rather be alone than constantly stressed out!