Stop being childish
At the beginning of summer, DH and I decided to pull SD9 out of daycare and have her grandmother watch her for financial purposes. We informed BM that we were doing this and let her know that I would be getting off her Fridays with SD9 at 1 and if she would like to pick her up earlier than the scheduled 6pm time she could do so with a simple phone call on Thursday nights letting us know what time.
Fast forward to last night and we did not recieve a phone call. We went grocery shopping at Walmart, where she happens to work (we live in a small town). Well SD9 was able to talk to her mom and runs back to us proclaiming that he mom wants to know if she can pick her up early. DH said that BM was informed to call him or talk to him and she should not be going through the child. We walked right in front of BM and she didnt say a word, so she will not be picking her up early today because she cannot act like an adult and stop using her daughter as a scap goat for not wanting to talk to her ex.
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wow... we think it's
wow... we think it's wonderful that the SKids are a little older now (11 and 12) and have their own cell phones and we can pretty much make most arrangments directly with them... we HATE dealing with psycho Bio mom... so I think you are lucky that she DOESN'T want to talk to you... wish she would give the BM I have to deal with lessons!
runs back to us proclaiming
runs back to us proclaiming that he mom wants to know if she can pick her up early. DH said that BM was informed to call him or talk to him and she should not be going through the child. We walked right in front of BM and she didnt say a word, so she will not be picking her up early today
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I don't want to be harsh, but it seems you two are acting more immature that the BM or the child. By your DH telling his DD that BM was supposed to go thru him and not her, he actually drug the DD in an even more adult situation.
If this is how you use your power over BM, then I can see why she would NOT want to talk to either of you. JMHO. Let the child go see mom early.
The reason that BM does not
The reason that BM does not want to deal with DH is that recently we went on our Honeymoon to Cabo and tried to contact SD9 many, many, many times with no response and we were told when we did finally get ahold of her when we touched down in Dallas that her mom purposly did not answer the phone, she knew she had infuriated DH.
BM is bipolar and while she may not have wanted to deal with DH and he may have handled the situation a little snotty, there is wayyyyyy more to the story where she is concerned.
Many times it is not a problem for her to see her early, but her pettiness is becoming an issue for our entire household and we have to deprogram SD9 when she gets home from her moms as she is told nothing but lies, lies, lies.
I completly understand how
I completly understand how this can be viewed as controling but under the circumstances, they are not at this time. Not saying that it has not been that way in the past but over time, we bend to allow her to spend more time with SD9 and in turn she tells people, DH "took" SD9 away from her and tells SD9 that he dad keeps her from seeing her mom, when just recently we allowed for her to spend the entire week with her. It is a no win situation dealing with Psycho BM.
Oh ok. I get it too. The
Oh ok. I get it too. The first post just seemed a bit controlling. If not, then that is great. It is hard to deal with a froot loop on a daily basis.
Most state guidelines for
Most state guidelines for visitation specify that arrangements should never be made with thru the children but only between the parents. I have to agree with that in theory. It can create all sorts of problems-it gives parents the ability to set the other parent up to look bad and everyone knows that when u dont communicate directly things sometimes get lost in translation. Who knows if bm really did say that to the skid? Maybe she mentioned something about wanting to take her, but she forgot to make arrangements so she'll try better next time? (still not great to discuss this with the skid but it's a different tone than what the skid told dad). So I dont blame them for insisting arrangements be made between the adults. We also used to insist on that. Or rather between the bioparents. Bm used to send various boyfriend of the week out to talk to dh about visits and such and he would just refuse to speak with them. Not to be controlling but because how do you really "discuss" or "negotiate" something with someone when they are sending a messenger to you? Things arent so bad now that ss is older, 12. And some messages do get passed back and forth-but still problematic. Like last visit when his bm picked him up he told her I made him sit outside and wait for her and I didnt care what he did-which pissed her off. In reality I didnt say or do any of that. Always best for adult communication to occur.