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BM asks grieving mother what they're going to do with the body.

LizGrace65's picture

Submitted by LizGrace65 on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 10:51am

BM finally took SS over to the house of his friend who died, to pay his respects to the parents. BM walked in, went over to the grieving mother, and the first words out of her mouth were, "What are you doing to do with the body? Are you going to bury it here or send it back to (home country)?"

:jawdrop:

What an insensitive c***. Sorry for the use of that word, but that's disgusting. She didn't even say "I'm sorry" or anything first.

SO was not there at the time - BM's cousin was there and told SO what happened.

Another lady who was there comforting the mother said to BM, "what's wrong with you, asking her a question like that at this time?!" And BM just said "Oh, sorry," and walked out of there. (So no wonder they were there for such a short time.)

And SS15, instead of staying there with the group of young men (his cousins and friends he grew up with and is still friends with), trotted out behind BM, his new role model.

It's not like SS couldn't stay. The house is walking distance from BM's.

What is wrong with both of them?

L

Comments

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 11:06am

Wow is all I have to say Sad What a sad time for this family and your SS. It is too bad there are so many inconsiderate people out there with no ability to empathize/sympathize.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 11:15am

People say the damndest things after a death. The filter just leaves, I swear. I was 34 when my husband died and everyone kept asking about life insurance (there was none) and that I should start dating immediately, since my son needed a father.

She just has no tact. Most people don't and then when something happens that requires to have more than usual, they look like an idiot. I am sure the people in that room will be talking about it for a long time. I can still remember the people that said such stupid things to me and that was over 8 years ago.

sm27's picture

Submitted by sm27 on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 11:17am

Some people just don't know what to say in those situations, and feel that they must say something, so they end up saying the wrong thing. This happened to me this year when I helped my best friend bury her mother on New Years. My best friend's aunt asked her how her mother looked when she went to see her at the hospital (she died of pneumonia related to liver disease caused by alcoholism at 44). She asked her "were her eyes bulging, or did she just look peaceful?". My best friend was just so numb, she didn't say anything, and I wanted to punch that lady so bad. Her other friend asked her how did she feel that her mother died!! The dumb sh-t people say....

LizGrace65's picture

Submitted by LizGrace65 on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 11:38am

OMG - Thank you guys for adding your examples. They're terrible! I'll try not to think so badly of BM. (Although that *is* tough.)

Steperg - she doesn't have a nickel to her name, so no she can't offer any help. I didn't realize myself how much it cost - the figure I heard going around was over $10,000 to send the young man's body home. I told SO to offer our help if they need it. We don't have a lot but we could give them something. BM doesn't know how she'll eat next week.

It is a terrible thing. I've been thinking about the boy & his family all day today. I wish I could think of a single thing I could do, but nothing anybody can do is any good right now. The helplessness feels awful. Sad

L

nycSM's picture

Submitted by nycSM on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 1:42pm

It is awful and sometimes people do say the wrong things.

In fact, my very best friend's brother committed suicide earlier this year. It was a very tragic, tragic thing. Her family is still suffering quite a bit. However, after about 2 weeks or so, I spoke with my friend and she expressed that although she is glad that everyone is reaching out, she's sick to death of answering the question "how are you doing". Fair enough. She's not doing well but she's dealing with it. But she really doesn't want to have to revisit that answer every 5 minutes.

Well my mom is an extremely caring person and she's a bit naive at times. So I spoke with her before we went over there and mentioned what my friend said so that she would be sensitive to not ask that question. Well she got so focused on what she shouldn't say that she accidently turned around and asked "are you over it?"

Thankfully they were mostly dazed and didn't quite catch what my mother said but my mom was humiliated. I felt so bad making her feel anxious about what not to say that she went wayyyyy over the line without meaning to. Anyone that knows my mom knows she wouldn't say something that insensitive normally.

So it's possible that your BM just got overwhelmed by the whole scene and just blurted something out haphazardly. It could have just been a mistake and she may even realize it but didn't exactly recover very well in front of those people.

It's a tough time for all of those people and my heart goes out to you all.

AnneElizabeth's picture

Submitted by AnneElizabeth on Tue, 07/13/2010 - 11:48am

Wow......
Just wow.....

I'm glad someone stood up and said WTF is wrong with you, because BM needed to be bit*h slapped twice. Once for being insensitive and then once for just being plain stupid.

Love you.
Anne Elizabeth