Some days I just want to scream
BM has apparently been giving my boyfriend a hard time about coming to see our house. We've been here for about a year now. Any time he needs to pick up SS he just goes over there and picks him up and drops him off. She asked to come see house the first week we moved in and I said no. Am I being a baby about this? yes. I realize this so please don't leave the "oh how can you be so immature comments" because yes I realize this is immature. I don't want her in my house because all she wants to do is snoop. She used to live in my BFs apartment before I did, so she knew what it looked like etc. Before we moved out she insisted on coming to see the apartment. She didn't even go and look at her kid's room when she was there. She spent her time looking at all the pictures on the fridge and hanging out and chatting. I'm all set with that. Besides that, she doesn't have a car so my bf would have to go and pick her up, bring her to the house, and then drop her off again. I mean really now. Gah, I just want to scream some days.
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That would be a big NO EFFIN
That would be a big NO EFFIN WAY! There is no need for her to come see your house. The only thing she needs to see is the outside of it if she is dropping SS off. I don't think you're being a baby about this at all.
That's exactly what I mean.
That's exactly what I mean. I do not go into her apartment when I go to pick up SS. My boyfriend calls and lets her know I am outside and I wait in my car for her to bring him out. My boyfriend only bring ss to the door of her apartment and let him in for her. I don't see any reason for her to come in to our house especially when she can't even drive herself there!
Ask her "Why?" Get her to
Ask her "Why?"
Get her to admit why she wants to come into your home. I doubt she will give you a good reason and will look stupid.
She has never told me that
She has never told me that she wants to see the house, she only tells my boyfriend. I'm sure she would say that she just wants to make sure her kid is living in a nice home to assuage her fears, which I understand, but I also know that isn't the real reason. If she hadn't asked to see the house in the first week we were moving in there, I might buy that reason.
No you are not being
No you are not being immature.
BM in our case insisted on seeing our house before the kids came over the first time. I said 'hell no' but in the end I relented on the condition that she and I meet elsewhere first to go over ground rules. I took her out for coffee and told her - politely - that I would let her come in this one time on the condition that she understood that it was a one time only thing and that she kept her comments to herself. I told her she had to understand that she would have absolutely NO SAY about anything that happened in our house. She agreed so I let her come in and look around.
Within a half hour of her leaving the texts and emails started with her list of complaints and demands. She insisted that SHE go out and choose bedding for their rooms (at our expense). She wanted to decorate the rooms (at our expense). She wanted us to put up gates and safety locks on all the doors, cabinets and windows (skids were past toddler stage). I can't remember what all she demanded. We completely ignored her but I learned to never trust her and I regretted letting her in at all.
Don't do it! She'll find SOMETHING to bitch about. It's really that she just wants to see what you have anyway.
That is EXACTLY my point. A)
That is EXACTLY my point. A) she just wants to see what we have for him and B)I know she is just going to look for things to complain about. If she really thought her kid was living in a box or something she would have insisted on coming over sooner. She just wants me to know she was with him first and she will always be around. Nothing else.
Hell no. I don't allow
Hell no. I don't allow people like BM in my home.
Interesting that you posted
Interesting that you posted this. I went through this exact same thing with BM. We only moved into our house last month. Previously we lived in my DH's house (one that he purchased after divorcing BM so she never lived there). When we lived in his house BM would just let herself in when coming over to pick up the boys and walk in like she owned the place! I expressed my frustration at this but didn't really push for much change at that point. The first time she was coming to pick up the boys at our new house DH informed me that she wanted to come in and see the house. Fine, whatever, she wants to see where her boys spend half their time, etc...But I did tell DH "OK this is MY house now too...she is NOT allowed to just barge in here like she did at the old house." 30 minutes later BM arrived, knocked twice and let herself in!!!!!!!!!!!! My jaw hit the floor and I have my DH a look like "you better fix this or I will!" She saw the house, I was mad, hardly spoke to her or eve acknowledged her. I thought for sure if I open my mouth ugliness would come out. The second she left I said "That is NOT happening again." So DH and I talked about it. He called her and established some clear boundaries about needing to wait outside to be let it, this my house too, she needs to be respectful of that. Since then we have not had any issues. She rings the doorbell and waits patiently while I take my sweet time to come and answer the door and mostly I have the boys packed and ready so there is no need for her to even set foot in my house anymore.
I totally understand your point of view. Its very frustrating having a nosy BM who needs to see everything and know everything! I also don't think you are being a baby about it at all.
H told bm that unless she
H told bm that unless she gets a court order saying that she needs to be on our property, that she is strictly prohibited from being on it. there is nothing immature about it. you dont like her, so you dont let her in your house. i dont let anyone that i dont like in my house, including crazy lady.
You are not being
You are not being immature.PsychoBM came to our house soon after we moved in and demanded to be let inside so she could 'inspect' the childrens environment.We told her no way. Since then she has tried to push her way in multiple times using every excuse under the sun to be let in.She once asked to use the bathroom and I gave her directions to the nearest gas station with a bathroom.
Our lives get stepped on many times by our husband's old lives and ex wives. Our home should be our place to shut her out.
Ummm....that would be a big,
Ummm....that would be a big, fat NO!
What is up with these women and their lack of BOUNDARIES????
I sincerely hope, for your sake, your BF was firm in telling her "NO."
But because you stated, "BM has apparently been giving my boyfriend a hard time about coming to see our house," I'm inclined to think that he has indeed not been firm. No means no. And I'm thinking BF has NOT been clear in relating this to her.
Bottom line? There is absolutely NO REASON she needs to be in your home.
No way, no how!! No freaking
No way, no how!! No freaking way I'd ever let BM in my house - I'd be worried she might hike her leg & pee on something!!!
As far as I know, she doesn't know where we live and I want to keep it that way. I have, however, been in her trailer - what a dump. Trailer smells & looks like a landfill, trash & crap all over the place (along with her many witch craft books!). Ugh! Couldn't wait to get outta there and take a shower!
I have to tell you I made the
I have to tell you I made the mistake of letting my bm come to our house and it back fired. All she wanted was to see the flaws and use it against us by saying our house was not a livable environment. Do NOT let her come to your house ever!!!!
We have moved from there and bought a house and this house she is NOT allowed to be her at all. See the house really belongs to dh's step dad and he HATES her with all his might. He told me that if she ever thinks about even driving by to call the police and him he will make it clear that she is not to be here.
It is not immature at all, it is called protecting you and your life!
Well since I have moved in
Well since I have moved in here, she has stopped coming in the house. However, I don't even want her in the driveway. The last two times, I glared at her through our new bay window. Good thing it has the privacy tint so she couldn't see more than my shadow. Still it felt good.
Two weeks ago she showed up to get SD14's phone that she left here when DH took her to her mom's for good. He handed it to her. She tried to talk to him and he slammed the door in her face. He said it felt good. I don't think she will be coming back for awhile. Now if the B----- would just sign the modification for us to give up custody of the evil SD, then we could move on with our lives and just have to deal with her regarding SS11.
I wouldn't allow her in my house past the front stoop. No reason for them to be in our houses. Period. Don't do it.