Last night...I don't remember how we got on the topic of children , but we did and over a period of time it ended up in a full blown argument.
The problem....I want to marry and have another child(I have 1 bio-son and never married) and he does not(he's been divorced and has 2 kids). The bigger problem.....he never bothered to tell me this until AFTER we moved in together which I only agreed to do if marriage was in the horizon and he did not oppose; and never once said he didn't want more children only that it was something he would consider.
I took on soooo much of his baggage....financial and emotional, AND the kids. The kids get on my nerves sometimes but I treat them like my own. He destroyed me financially because he wasn't honest or he was overly optimistic...don't know which one...about his finances when we moved in together. I thought the rent on the house was too much but he said we could afford it and I knew he made good money...he's an engineer for a big network company...but he failed to tell me that (at the time) he was paying $1800 in cs, $800 for her car(which actually was his), and $400 backed cs a month(which was a load of crap from her-he would pay her $5k-6k every three months because that's when his contracts would pay- he was self employed at the time). We've finally paid off the car, no more backed cs, no more alimony, but that $1800 just kills us every month.
I took on all of this, I didn't run for the hills, but clearly I guess I should've...because this was the man I fell in love with and he was the one I wanted to have a family life with.
So now...we are four years into this relationship, I'm in my mid-30s and I will probably have to start over again. What if I by the time I fall in love again I don't want children because I'll be too old. :?
I feel so weird right now...part of me wants to cry and part of me just wants the drama to be over.