DH and I went to see Alice in Wonderland when it came out. I made a huge mistake by talking about it at dinner one night and SS was like "you went to the movies without me?" and i said "yes, we went on a date". I thought DH was going to die. DH said something to me after dinner. I told DH that it was ok to have a life when SS wasn't here. WTF is that???!!! SS10 lives with us!!! Why is he still a guilty parent???

Hmm I can understand how he would be upset, but you are definately taking the more realistic route. Maybe you guys need to have a talk with SS and let him know that even though you love him just as much as the other kids it will not always be possible for him to come to all the family things.
I am assuming that you guys keep things pretty seperate, so remind him that even though he will be missing out on things he will still be getting everything he does, like two birthday parties and christmas gifts from two families.
I can understand how frustrated you are right now, by try to have some understanding for your man too. He's probably a big baby dealing with his guilt issues, and trying not to hurt all of the people he loves. Let him deal with it in his way and remind him that he has done nothing wrong. (Unless you count sleeping with Bm in the first place! }:) )

i hate when kids do that shit.all kids do it too even my own.it's like they expect you to stop living just because they aren't there.sorry kiddies but i will live my damn life to the fullest regardless of who is there to join me.get over it.

BLM said it perfectly. I wish all of our DH's understood this.

I agree with BLM. I made the mistake of planning most "big" activities around the times that my SD's were home. I thought that it was good for us to get to experience all of those things together as a family and that DH would appreciate the effort.

I can tell you from experience...it blew up in my face. My bio-daughter ended up feeling like we were favoring the SK's because we never planned anything special when it was just her. On top of it SK's and DH were ungreatful as hell so none of it worked out in the end anyway. I dont think you are wrong at all, Ivy.

BLM - you hit it on the head....... sometimes is just doesn't work out the way to involve SK's in everything single thing. It is just reality of blended families.

It has happened to us both ways.... although we really miss SD when she is not there - we can not force a court order - so we deal with it. The sk's have another side of the family that misses out on somethings as well.

He have something similar going on right now. My bio kids are on vacation in another state for 5 days with my parents. SKids are are getting to do a fun kid camp where their Maternal Gma works for 2 weeks that my boys wouldn't be able to attend even if they weren't out of town. All four of them are getting to do SOMETHING. It does feel a little akward though just because DH and I try very hard to include all 4 kids in everything together. Especially movies. If there is a particular one we want to see as a FAMILY we do our best to schedule it on a day that EVERYONE will be with us. Which isn't easy to do since we aren't on the same visitation schedule with both sets of kids!!

Your DH should have reminded his child that just like he gets to do fun things with his bio mom while he's with her without the other kids, your bio kids get to do fun things with their bio mom without the other kids.

Life does not end just because the Skids are not with you.

When he was young (1-12ish) we would reserve the big vacations for when he was with us (with a couple of exceptions).

As he has gotten older (he is now 17)we book the vacations when we want to take them. SS can participate of not. It is his choice if he wants to participate.

If the vacation schedule conflicts with SpermClan visitation then he has a choice to make. If THEY refuse to let him change his scheduled visitation then THEY are the ones denying him the opportunity ....... not us.

The judgement gives them 5wks in the summer, ~1wk Winter (Alternating yearly between before and after Dec 25) and 1wk Spring. They have to give us 60day written notice of the start date of the visitation if they intend to take the time. When he was younger we did not deviate from the judgement. There were many occassions when BioDad and the rest of the SpermClan did not take the visitation due to financial issues. On those occassions we did things that we otherwise would not have done if he was gone for visitation.

The supplemental rules for the county of jurisdiction say that visitation is not voluntary but for older children (it does not define older) both parents need to be sensitive to the childs opininion and developing personal life.\

We have applied that rule very liberally.

So ...... I have absolutely no issue with vacationing without the Skids. I would however call the BM and tell them we are going on vacation on X days if you want Skid to come speak now or fore ever hold your bitching.

Put the issue on BM and you, DH and your joint kids enjoy your vacation if BM does not allow your Skid to go.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards.

My bf's son, Godzilla, likes wrestling (WWE) and so does my son. BioMom knows my son likes wrestling because Godzilla has probably mentioned it since he plays with my son. Well, anyway, wrestling was in town and I guess she thought we were taking my son and not Godzilla. So, she HAD to call and find out if we had bought a ticket for Godzilla as well. She said "I'll pay for it if you'll take him too" We weren't even going! Nobody ever said we were! She's a freakin' fruitcake. Why would we take my son and not his anyway? That's just crazy! It makes me mad thinking about it because I know she thinks that since I have a son that my bf is going to stop doing things with his kids, which is SOOOO not true. I know she was hoping that my bf would say that we had tickets for us but not Godzilla so she could tell him "Mommy will take you". She gives those kids every da#$ thing they want. And they don't NEED any of it. She thinks that buying your kids everything they cry for is being a good mother. Gag....

Lemme tell you. You can't win for losing with these BMs anyway.

We just went on a big family vacation. The skids knew about it way ahead of time. BM proceeded to try and brainwash them out of being excited about their vacation with us.

"Oh you're not going to have any fun. That's lame." so on and so forth. She was totally jealous.

The kids had a blast as did we. But it was expensive. We may not get another vacay like that with the skids for years.

I think you are nice to include SKs at all on vacations! I would purposely plan family trips with "our family" which is me, DH, and our 2 girls. Maybe I'd feel differently if I'D brought the same baggage from prev that DH did, but I didnt so...I dont!

Also, BM gets CS plus ALL tax deductions, and takes major vacations every year including SS, so in my opinion, DH has paid toward those. The last vacation DH and I had was our honeymooon 10 years ago. Since then, all we could afford was little weekend jaunts with our daughters, and no, we dont need any extra tagalongs.

Besides, DH has indulged and entertained SS every other weekend for his entire life...it's seriously been anything he wants the entire visit, down to every detail. So now his sense of entitlement is unreal, and no way would I ever be willing to feed that!

I don't see anything wrong in doing something with just you and DH, or with just your kids. I have told Dh that we wouldn't be waiting around for SS to do EVERYTHING. If I want to take my kids to the zoo and it works out on a day that SS is with his BM then so be it. Why should my kids suffer because there brother isn't home? It is the same thing when I was a kid. If I was visiting my grandma, my little sister got to do things with my parents without me. Now I won't be going to disneyland without him but I think a trip to the movies, or the zoo or even a vacation that doesn't involve disneyland is perfectly fine to do without SS. Besides SS gets to see EVERY movie he wants when he is at his BMs so if I wait to take him with us, there is a good chance he has already seen it and will talk about it the entire time. How am I suppose to explain to my children that SS gets to go on vacation or to movies with his mom doing the school holidays, but we have to stay home because we can't do anything without SS.

I do not think you were unreasonable in anyway about this situation. I would feel the same way, and I do. My SD does not live with us, but it is very frustrating when we have to wait until she is here to do anything "fun". I don't have any bio kids of my own, but I still feel like by waiting until she arrives it is placing this child on a pedestal and creating a monster. The child feels entitled to everything and I am sorry that is not how it works. There is a hierarchy in the house and you little miss are not an adult. I do not see anything wrong with taking vacations and other trips without skids. The world does not revolve around them. They are simply a part of it and the world keeps on spinning. I do not believe in putting the child or children as the center of everything. My relationship with my fiance is the most important to me, because in the end it will be him and I when the kids are gone and grown and on their own. You are not alone in how you feel. I know when my fiance plans things when SD is here it bothers me. He doesn't want to plan anything "fun" for the both of us unless it involves her. Granted, he is getting better and slowly seeing the light...lol. I would calmly talk with your husband and just explain that you feel this creating a situation where the skids feel entitled and your children will end up resenting the Skids. If you don't live in the house full-time don't expect to be treated as such. Your lives do not stop just because they show up. They have to mesh with everyone else. I hope this makes some sense.