Would you hurt your own pride to help your own kid?
The reason I ask is because BM text messaged me yesterday. This woman pretty much only operates by text messages. I wasn't with DH when I got the text so I waited until I was home, since ya know...I'm not dealing with BM anymore.
Anyways, the long and short of it, BM wanted money to get SD5 some meds. She said that SD's asthma has been acting up lately and that she had had her in the ER the night before because of it. She told us that she really needed nebulizer meds for her and that they were $40 and she didn't have the money.
Well, a red flag went off in my head, because although I do know that SD has asthma and that she does use a nebulizer for it when the asthma acts up, BM also knows that yesterday SHOULD have been my payday (it wasn't because of the holiday. I actually get paid today...she didn't know that part). We told BM that we didn't have the money since payday was today. We told her she should call DH's mom or aunt to ask for money for SD's meds.
Now, we told her to ask DH's mom/aunt for two reasons. 1)We don't really think she needed the money for SD and that she was just trying to manipulate me into giving her money by using her children, which she has done before. 2) If she didn't really need medicines for SD, she wouldn't actually call DH's family.
Well, she pretty much had a hissy fit. She said she wasn't going to bend her pride to ask DH's family for money for medicines for HIS daughter (she's only HIS daughter when she wants something). She told us nevermind and that she was going to go pawn some stuff.
I would think, and maybe this is just me, that if you really needed something for your child and you didn't have the means to get it, you would suck it up and ask the people that WOULD be able to help you. Am I crazy for thinking this? Is pride really more important than the health of your kids?
Anyways, this just proves to me that she didn't really need the money, but I'm curious about what others may think?
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I think your right she was
I think your right she was trying to get $40 out of you. She, like our BM, probably feels entitled to a portion of your paycheck. If the SD really needed the medicine any mother would move heaven and earth to get it for their child. You correctly saw the red flag.
I think buttercookie's right.
I think buttercookie's right. If my kids needed meds, I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure they got what they needed. BTW - doesn't she have a credit card she can put it on?
I'm not sure if she has a
I'm not sure if she has a credit card. She's never had a job for longer than a month that I know of, so I don't know how she would qualify.
It can be hard to ask for
It can be hard to ask for money even if it is really important. However due to her attitude change I would say she probably was just trying to get money from you. If you ever are not sure about it there is a fix that might be easy, pay for the medicine yourself (if it is possible). If she truly needed the meds then you can feel better that you helped, if she was just playing you then she would throw a bitch fit and you would know she was playing.
That's what we would have
That's what we would have tried to figure out. She lives 1200 miles away from us though, so it's a little tricky. If we could have we probably would have had her call when she was at the pharmacy or whatever and paid it over the phone, then if she returned it the money would go right back onto my card.
I would not ask my EX family
I would not ask my EX family for something for our daughter. If my daughter needed meds and I couldnt afford it I would get it in writing and show it to my EX and he would take care of it. Do you think you could ask her for the paperwork from the hsopital that says she needs it? If she can provide that then your DH should help out. If she cant provide that then it shows she was trying to get money off of you.
Just to look at this from a
Just to look at this from a mom perspective, I would do anything in the world to obtain meds for my kids. It would be a severe damage to my pride to even ask my ex. But if I did, and he told me to call HIS mom, yeah, I'd be upset. I, personally, would feel like it would be his responsibility to ask his family for money. Now if he refused, and it was my only option for something serious, yes I would. But your BM's idea of pawning something instead doesn't sound unreasonable as an alternative.
But maybe I feel this way because I never ask ex for anything? If that were his reaction (and it has been the couple times I've asked), I would do everything in my power to save face and not gravel to his family.
The thing is, is that she's
The thing is, is that she's manipulated me before by using her kids. Last summer she said she needed money for food because her husband had left for his one weekend of stuff with the national guard. She said he "accidentally" took the bank card with him and she had absolutely no food in the house. I wired her money and later found out that she had left him and drained his bank account. She blew his paycheck on god knows what. He got paid again and wouldn't let her have any of the money!!!
We told her to ask DH's family for money because we were pretty sure if she didn't really need it she wouldn't ask them. Since we live so far away, it's kind of hard to ascertain what's really going on and whether she really needs money for SD.
I feel kind of the same way as you Abalyn. I never ever ask for anything. I figure it out on my own first and foremost, BUT if I had a legitimate need for the sake of my kids, I would do whatever was necessary.
Everytime she makes a
Everytime she makes a request, you could offer to just let her give up custody to you until she is more financially secure. I bet that would put a stop to her requests.
Ha ha...that's a good idea.
Ha ha...that's a good idea. We will have to give that a try! Who knows, maybe she'd even say 'yes' and that would be great for everyone involved (except for BM who may have to actually get a JOB...GASPS in Horror lol!
Yup. Is she doesn't have the
Yup. Is she doesn't have the money to take care of the kid, she can send the kid over to your place. That always works for us. Also, probably won't work for you, but for us, BM isn't working, has a new baby and a new husband. She asked us to help pay for stuff because "money is really tight right now." Our response, "I'm sorry you and your husband are having financial problems but I never agree to paying for that stuff you bought the kids on credit and now can't afford to pay off. " That shut her up real quick. These women have no pride so how could it really be hurt anyway?