You are right. It is tough. It took me several months of dating my wife before I got to a place where I could overcome the mammalian tendency to not want some other mans child in my home or around at all for that matter.

Eventually I got to a good place with it. When I realized that I wanted to spend my life with his mom I also realized that I was going to have to be this kids Dad. I could not have his Mom without being his dad.

Now 16yrs later I can say being his dad has been an incredibly rewarding experience and I have no regrets. Not that it has not been without it's challenges.

So, you have a decision to make. If you want the woman you have to take the kid(s). Maybe not full time but you have to accommodate her relationship with her children. To have your relationship with her thrive you not only have to accommodate her relationship with teh kid(s) you have to develop a relationship of your own with them.

Anything less would not be fair to you, her or the kids. I am not saying that you have to suck up whatever crappy situation is at hand but that you will have to invest in a relationship with the children.

When my wife and I decided to marry I insisted on being an equity parent with her and with SpermDad. SpermDad was no big deal since he is a looser with minimal interface with my SS. I have been an equity parent with my wife in raising our son (my SS). I do not know any other way that can be successful while delivering a deep caring marriage.

Good luck and best regards,