Heh.

Here's another:

BM? Um, hello...the Converse and skinny jeans combo is hard for anyone over say age 8 to pull off...ditto for the super short schoolgirl bangs and crazy color job.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming...

LOL Hilarious! Here's one:

Contrary to what you beleive (walking around with your ass and chest out as far as they can possibly go) nobody mistakes you for JLo.

Sleeping with people and not letting them know about your STD's totally went out in the 90's.

Thank you for your time...

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Dear Wingnut,

I realize you are impressed by shiny, expensive things, but even $500 shoes and can't dress up those baggy lee jeans and man's t-shirt you're sporting.

Truly,

SoVerySad

PS - even two hours with the hair dryer and flat iron won't make your '80s do modern.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

ROTFLMFAO!!!

Dear dear misguided BM,

Even though I'm sure your boobs and tummy looked great back when you had your plastic surgery done in 1997, you've had 3 kids since then. Tummy tucks don't hold and boob jobs get old.

Wear a bra.

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that you're scaring all the children with you joker, clown on crack grin. Please take note.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

BM, Just because you spent several thousands of dollars on your fake ass boobs, that does NOT mean everyone wants to see them! I know you spent your mortgage money and showing them off makes you feel justified...but seriously, please stop.

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

Dear BM, you can't hide it forever: eventually, any boyfriend you keep for long enough is going to figure out how completely nuts you are. Best get some help.

Oh, and also? They're eventually going to find out that you have no intention of having sex with them ever again after you get married. Maybe you should try for a niiiiice, asexual guy, or one who PREFERS to jack off in solitude for the rest of his life.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Dear BM,
Just becasue your a stripper doesn't mean you need to go out advertise it to everyone! Ya really think you look cute?? You look like trash.

P.S. Those shiny purple pants that are 6 sizes two big and your sky high hair? Nu-uh... We aren't in the 80's!

****"She had his past. I have his future." The Lovely Belleboudeuse****

This whole post is therapy for me today

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy

Dear BM:

I would like to say your welcome to BM, for whom my hard earned money supports! I am working as hard as I can so you don't have to! And I sent my tax money in today, pray for me! I am your only hope!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Dear BM,

Please stop looking so much like a dude. I hate having to explain that my husband is actually straight.

C_G

To frizz: mousse,defusing dryer, moldable pomade. Get some.Frizz less.Smile more.

Public Service Note to all of the BMs we blog about:

You may feel as though you one-upped us when you show off to us those new fancy clothes, hairstyles and/or shoes that you bought with child support money. But people, and not just us, can see through your behavior. A lot of people whom you know may act nice to you, but they are disgusted that you use the child support money you are sent on those things, especially when you should have a job to pay for those things. Are the kids better off for your having a new hairdo, clothes and/or shoes?

You may think you won the battle, but you lost the war, because your children (whom you use as your weapons) end up being severely damaged. At the end of the day, we all have to answer for our actions, and we can hold our heads high and say that we acted like decent human beings, but can you?

Uberskank,

FYI - It's not generally acceptable to date while you're married or in a relationship with someone else. :evil:

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine

Dear Skeksi,
Your hair looks dumb with your bangs cut straight across your forehead and going halfway back your scalp. Also it is possible to pull your hair up in a clip without actually putting a pony tail holder in. You look like an idiot. Please seek professional help at your local Cost Cutters. Hell, even they couldn't screw up your do.

One more thing....wearing a t-shirt down to your knees is not cute, cool, or attractive. Maybe that's why you can only attract men with mullets and beer guts.

I have nothing to say in english...darn...but my favorite for the witch is...

La mona aunque se vista de seda, mona se queda...

(ie. even if the monkey dresses in silk clothing, she's still a monkey...kind of weird in english though...hehe)

Dear BM,

I laugh everytime you're "having a baby" or "getting married". The public annoucements you post online have me in tears....uncontrollable laughter for hours on end. All the "babies" you been "having" with your "husbands" should have paid your car off by now and given you endless vacations without you having to lift a finger.

So I want to thank you for providing me and DH with so much amusement. It really is the best comedy around. But dont quit your day job.... HA!

***Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you feel the warmth it brings***

Dear BM,
Your "sexy" Facebook pictures and poses are viewed by your children.
They asked if you were one of those ladies from "Pretty Woman."
Unlike you, Julia Roberts has all her teeth.

Love,
TheOtherMom ...

To my Psycho BM: When gravity is no longer your friend (and never has been) and you have the weight and girth to take on a Polar Bear and possibly win, please refrain from wearing white, sheer, strapless and see-through dresses. It looks like a beached whale has died and someone has thrown an old sheet over it. Plus you can see the unfortunate state of your barnacles, if you get my drift. Thank you. Also, you may be interested in an exchange program to Siberia. They need women who are willing to sleep with anyone for almost nothing and prefer women with 3 or less stds. Go for it!

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

Attention BM:

Singing karaoke on stage in Vegas does not a "rock star" make.

You're not 17, you haven't been for 20 years. Perhaps you should stop befriending 17 year old girls and trying to "relate" to them. You're older than you think you are and people LAUGH at your stupidity, they don't giggle at your "silliness".

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy

BM,

You are not a "single mommy". To be a single mother or a single parent means to get no help from the other parent. That term doesn't apply to you.

Everything isn't AWESOME. :sick: Each time I hear or see that word I cringe,thanks to you. All due to your abuse of the term. You've used awesome so much about everything that your kids now abuse it as well.

One day,perhaps soon your deeds will turn around to bite your a$@. The fact is that children become adults and leave home. When they reach legal age they can do as they please. Your beloved control will be gone. The lines you have drawn in the sand to divide people and interfere with/destroy relationships will disappear. Your control will end. You won't be able to interfere and ruin anymore. Your child will probably jump ship asap. I figure they'll restore the relationships you made sure to tear completely apart in getting your way. You'll hate it,though.

I could go on and on...

Dear BM, That Debbie Does Dallas hair due that you still think looks sexy needs to go!
Even hair dye and a trim would be some change.

" Life is like a jar or Jalapeno peppers, what you
do today could burn your a*s tomorrow."

Dear Dirty Hippie BM,

It's obvious what you were rode hard and put away wet.

As a hair stylist, you should know that long stringy hair is not not. Not on you or SD. Please visit an actual stylist with some culture and class ASAP.

Oil of Olay and sunscreen can do wonders, but I am afraid you are too far gone.

Birkenstocks and socks went out in '93. Please retire said apparel.

I'll put it simple:

HairBRUSH meet BM, BM meet Hairbrush.

Sincerely,

G

"I will die on my feet before I live on my knees"

*

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks for the laughs...I needed them.
Here's one for PsychoSponge: Lose the Hooters sweatpants! Who are you trying to fool? Also....just because the clothes say Abercrombie on them DOES NOT mean you should buy them in a size small because it is quite clear that you are not! If they don't have it in your size....maybe you weren't meant to have it.

****I can do bad all by myself****

Dear BM,

I would've thought you'd have taken a lesson from the fall you took on one of your trips to the laundromat, that it can be a dangerous place. I couldn't help but notice, however, that the last time I saw you, you stated you were late picking your kids up because you had to wait for your clothes to finish drying, & you showed up in possibly the most innapropriate laundromat attire. May I offer you this advice:

-Stiletto heels are NOT appropraite to wear to the laundromat. As you well know, there is good possibility for there to be puddles of soapy water on the floor.
-Your 13-year olds ABERCROMBIE tank doesn't suit you, regardless of what you pair it with...but ESPECIALLY your gold sequin mini skirt. Just because you CAN get it on doesn't mean you SHOULD.
-The guys you dated in the 80's probably DID love it when you wore your gold sequin mini skirt, but I feel safe in saying I speak for most everyone when I tell you, no one living in the now loves it...or even likes it a tiny bit. For everything there is a season. Your gold sequin mini has both met & passed it's season. It's time to let it go.
-Perhaps lighten your touch when applying your orange blush. The orange stripe up your cheekbone, over your nose and across your forehead combined with your fake crispy helmet hair gives you an uncanny resemblance to an Oompa-Loompa...never a good thing.
-Your giant bicep tattoo...? You really should make sure you know what you want your tattoo to be BEFORE you have it permanently inked onto your body so it won't have to get bigger and bigger every time you change your mind. For future reference, the bicep tattoo on a twig of a woman...never cool.

With your best interest in mind,

Stormabruin

I have to say, this is probably the most therapeutic blog I've come across on here! What a way to release!!!

Inspired by another blog:

Dear BM: If you are receiving child support in an amount equivalent to 1/3 of your annual earnings, and your ex-husband takes the children 40% of the time, then you are NOT a "single mom."

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Dear Troll,

The dingy, acid washed jeans from 1985 that you still insist on wearing, everyday - is not a good look for you, esecially since they are about 3 sizes too small. Also, tucking whatever shirt, sweater or tarp you happen to be wearing into them does not make you look thinner, but only accentuates your ever prominent muffin top. Stop dyeing your hair jet black and getting tattoos on your neck and wrists - you look like a pathetic goth-wanna-be on crack. Thx....

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Dear BM:

Smoking in your car with your son is not only ILLEGAL in our state, it is just wrong.

Vaccuum cleaners are on sale at Wal Mart for $40

Tye dye t-shirts with peace signs on them are for hippy's and 8 year olds. I am only left to assume you are a hippy.

Telling the world on facebook that you are collecting cans from your yard to make a quick $50 only makes you sound like trailor trash. WHY do you have that many cans in your yard?

Announcing to the world on facebook that you are having a "really BAD day" every day, and that your credit is shot and you are filing for bankruptcy, is no way to catch a decent man. So stop.

3 car accidents in 2 years is not an accomplishment

The "justice" you are seeking... is undeserved, and you will never find it. Give up the search.

Getting a job, requires LOOKING for one first!

Washing jeans in HOT water and throwing them in the dryer on HIGH, will shrink them, every single time.

Living off the state is not "cool".

That will be all for now.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

BM:

This may come as a shock to you, but "mall bangs" went out in the 80's, so did frizzy permed hair. It is NOT stylish to buy clothes 4 szs too small and cram your nasty bod into them....it's just gross. You also should consider hot waxing the erroneous hairs on your face/chin. Muffin tops and rolls are NOT cute. Please buy clothes that fit, I'm embarrased for you.

Dear BM,

Regardless of your opinion that every man loves to see a woman in painted-on clothes, I'm fairly certain from looking at the expressions on your 16-year old son's face in the pictures from his birthday party your son does NOT love it. You trying to be the "hot" mom doesn't sit well with him when his 16-year old friends are oggling his mothers boobs.

On that subject, how about a bra? They're our friends.

Maybe you could focus more on what you're teaching your 13-year old daughter. Maybe you could try teaching her that women are worth more than their bodies, and perhaps that skimpy doesn't = sexy.

Believe me. You're children will welcome these changes.

Stormabruin

Dear BM,

It is NOT cool that all of your son's friends tell him "My dad f*cked your mom". I don't care how small the town is.

Please learn to keep your pants on.

Thank you,
JASM

Dear Skankabell,

I know you're "going through a hard time" now that you and the kids have been "shit on for the second time". It's hard having a man walk out on you and kids that aren't his own only because you cheated on him only three times you're willing to admit to. So, your birthday's right around the corner - the kids told me a million times, and you did as well when you told me your association method "Daddy and Mommy's bday is 3-3-4 - 3 days, 3 months, 4 days". To accompany that candle you'll still be holding (one more for your birthday cake), I thought I might get you some sexy underwear to help you in your attempt to win back MY man, or find Mr.Right or Mr.Right.for.the.night. Whomever's the highest bidder, right...It's in your favorite girlish pink, and just for you, I got it custom-printed (I know how you love custom because it means exclusive and expensive, and it was, but you're worth every penny)

"Vacancy - For Rent"